


Postponing Panic Attacks

by Vyker



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Aliens, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Blood and Injury, Body Horror, Domestic, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Language, Fluff and Angst, Government Experimentation, Gun Violence, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Injury, M/M, Nightmares, Not A Game AU, Panic Attacks, Pining, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reconciliation, Roommates, Slow Burn, Torture, Unethical Experimentation, Violence, nerfed benrey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:02:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 55,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29332023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vyker/pseuds/Vyker
Summary: How long can Gordon Freeman put off having a mental breakdown about the events of the resonance cascade and all that followed?Might be easy just to live a quiet life, if the universe would let him.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 100
Kudos: 224





	1. Return to normal?

**Author's Note:**

> I just had to get this out of me, goddamn.
> 
> I have no friends to beta read for me, so this is all me.

Gordon Freeman sat at the end of the Chuck-E-Cheese party table; his hands balled into fists resting in his lap. He stared straight ahead of himself, not even seeing what was in front of him, the party music piercing through his eardrums and digging into his anxiety-riddled brain. He was internally screaming but trying to keep it together on the outside. No use in angering the man who just gave you your hand back, Gordon. Be a polite party guest for as long as you can stand it. There would surely be time for screaming out loud later.

After many rounds of party games, dancing and cake, of which Gordon partook in none of, the joviality began to die down a bit in the restaurant. All had gathered around the table and were simply talking and laughing, while Gordon kept trying to keep it together. Eventually the other scientists started to indicate it was getting late and dark outside, and Gordon let out a sigh he didn’t know how long he had been holding in.

He stood up with the others, though not sure what to do or where to go now. Then he noticed the G-Man approaching him from the side. Gordon turned slightly and forced a smile on his face as he acknowledged the mysterious entity that had set up the party. The G-Man didn’t say anything, simply gave Gordon a creepy smile (he might have been trying to make it a genuine one, but everything the man did seemed to come off as creepy somehow), and place his hand on Gordon’s shoulder.

Suddenly everything around him vanished.

Gordon blinked in the apparent void of darkness around him. But then as he blinked a few more times, peering around himself, shapes started to make themselves apparent in his environment. The arm of a couch. A kitchen bench. A hallway.

It took Gordon a while to process that he was back in his apartment. He just kept blinking in disbelief at his surroundings, even lifting his glasses and rubbing his eyes, expecting it to all disappear at any moment. But as his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, the shape of his home became more apparent. It was just as he had left it.

Gordon took in a deep, shuddering breath. It was then he realised that his body didn’t feel as heavy anymore. He looked down at himself. The HEV suit was gone, he was only clad in the black jumpsuit he had been wearing underneath. His attention was quickly drawn to his right hand.

He flexed his new mechanical hand slowly, watching the pistons move and click. Ah, so this is what the G-Man had done to replace his hand. He hadn’t exactly been able to tell when it was covered by the HEV suit armoured glove. All he had known is that it moved just like his real hand, but he couldn’t feel it.

Gordon took in another deep haggard breath and sunk to his knees on the carpet. Eyes unfocused, staring into nothingness and disassociating, he felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes. It was such a relief to be back. To be alive.

He realised that his breaths had started to speed up and become shallower, and the flood gate of tears was nearly breaking. He quickly tried to ground himself in his body and slow his breathing.

You know what would be a better, more comfortable place to have a mental breakdown than on the floor in the entrance to his apartment? In bed. On his nice, soft mattress, with his cosy comforter.

Thinking about hopping into bed and relaxing his body helped Gordon to calm himself down a bit. He steeled himself and rose from the floor. He stumbled up the hallway and to the door of his bedroom.

As Gordon opened the door and looked down at his bed, he suddenly felt an itchy sensation. Actually, you know what would be better than falling straight into bed? Having a much-needed shower, and then crawling into bed and having a mental breakdown. And a sleep.

He changed direction, instead heading into the bathroom. After a bit of wiggling Gordon managed to peel the jumpsuit off his body, as it had been stuck to him by several layers of sweat. He threw it in the laundry hamper, not sure if he might just throw it in the trash later. He didn’t need to worry about that now. He removed his hair tie, finally letting his hair out of the ponytail it had been kept in all week. He also removed his right hand, setting it on the counter.

It was so good to finally wash his hair after a week of built up grease and grime. The hot shower also helped to relax his tense muscles slightly. Brushing his curly locks afterwards wasn’t a heap of fun, because although keeping it in a ponytail had reduced the number of knots, it hadn’t kept them completely at bay. Also, his new hand was perhaps not quite as precise with movements as his old one.

Gordon padded naked into his bedroom to get dressed in a pair of fresh clean pyjamas. He looked at the bed a second time, thinking about just flopping onto it, when he heard his stomach growl.

That’s right, he hadn’t eaten any food at the party. At the time the thought of doing so had made him feel ill, and he was sure he would probably just vomit the cheap pizza and cake back up as quickly as it went down. But now, getting some actual nutrition into him that wasn’t just sweet soda or salty snacks sounded like a good idea. Might help him sleep. Might be better to have a mental breakdown on a full stomach.

He wishes he hadn’t opened the fridge door. The smell of spoiled meat and milk had made him gag. Gordon quickly shut the door and thought about his options. Most of the safe, plain foods for when you feel ill didn’t seem possible right now, there was no milk for cereal, no bread for toast. He didn’t really feel like cooking pasta or rice at the moment.

He opened the freezer instead and peered inside. Oh, score, pizza pockets. He could probably keep those down, and they had most of the food groups in them. They were also microwaveable.

Gordon threw them in the microwave and while they warmed up, he downed a large glass of water with some aspirin, a Xanax, and some sleeping pills. That might not usually be the best combo all at once, but at least it wouldn’t be on an empty stomach in a moment.

Sitting down in front of the TV with his meagre meal, Gordon flicked it on, mindlessly channel surfing while taking some bites of the too hot pizza pockets. He didn’t even seem to notice how they burnt his tongue though. He settled on a gardening and landscaping show, thinking the slow pace and mundane nature of the content would help to ground him in this reality and take his mind off everything that had happened.

He only watched long enough to finish his food, turning off the TV and putting his plate into the sink for later. Gordon walked back down the hallway and into his bedroom for the third time. This time he finally allowed himself to crawl into the bed, pulling the covers around his body tightly.

But rather than having his mental breakdown like he had planned, he instead quickly drifted off to sleep.

-

Gordon blinked at his surroundings. He was on the alien planet, dotted with small floating islands and strange flora and geology. But wait a minute, hadn’t he already-

As he looked around himself, Gordon suddenly came to the crushing realisation that he was completely alone here. Coomer, Bubby and Tommy were nowhere to be seen. He also realised that his right arm was gone again. No gun, no prosthetic, just a useless stump poking out of the HEV suit. Fear of being helpless here started to creep into his mind.

He started calling out his companion’s names as he cautiously searched the area around him. He also noticed there were no enemies either, no alien fauna trying to attack him. The world seemed completely desolate and lifeless except for him.

But he guesses that made sense, he and the science team had taken out all the creatures on their way through this place to the end. But wait, did that mean… had he been left behind here? All alone, stranded on an alien planet? Gordon felt panic starting to rise in his chest as he quickened his search.

Then he heard a booming sound that made all the hairs on the back of his neck stand up at once.

“yo”

Gordon froze in place, and then slowly turned himself around, dreading what he was going to see.

A short way away from him, he saw a creature of grey and blue and inky black. It had far too many limbs, each ending in scythe like claws. Hundreds of glowing yellow eyes covered its monstrous form. A huge mouth with jagged, shark like teeth was pulled into an impossibly wide grin.

“hey feetman, wassup?” Gordon felt chills run down his back as the booming voice of the entity echoed in his ears.

“No… no no no… this isn’t happening…” Gordon mumbled to himself, taking a few steps back instinctively.

“don’t be scared gordo, i’m not gonna hurt you,” Benrey had dialled back his volume slightly. “i just wanna eat you!” a manic laugh filled the air.

Gordon took a sharp breath and then quickly turned on his heel and started booking it. But he had barely made it a few paces when suddenly a large black clawed hand wrapped around his body, pinning his good arm to his side and lifting him up in the air.

“do you have a free month of PS+ for me?” Benrey asked in a pure monotone over the top of Gordon screeching for his life as he was lowered toward the impossibly large maw of the creature.

-

Gordon jolted up in bed with a huge gasp, his body drenched in sweat. His metal hand was grasping at the front of his shirt, pinching the skin underneath.

He tried to catch his breath as the adrenaline pumped through his system, his fight or flight response ringing out through his body like a fire alarm. Sucking in great gasps, he eventually felt like he was getting enough oxygen to his spinning brain, and finally he tried to force himself to take slower breaths, though just as deep.

His prosthetic pinching his skin was starting to hurt, forcing him to try and unclasp the hand, lowering in into his lap.

Gordon eventually managed to muster up the mental capacity to reach over to his nightstand to grab his glasses, slipping them onto his face so the world around him would finally not look like a blurry mess. He also grabbed his cup of water and took a big swig, swallowing hard to push the remaining panic down.

He then realised that his right arm felt like it was on fire. Oh whoops, shouldn’t have worn that to bed. He quickly removed the prosthetic, which only helped ease the pain slightly. He placed his arm on the nightstand where his glasses had been.

Gordon flopped backwards onto the pillow, staring at the ceiling as he calmed his breathing. He looked at his alarm clock. 6:00am. He tried to get himself to relax, but the biting pain in his arm made that difficult. Guess it was time to get up and have some more painkillers.

-

When Gordon thought of the next few days going by in a blur, he didn’t mean quickly. In fact, it felt like he was slogging his way through high viscosity radioactive waste. He meant a blur more literally, as in, everything felt out of focus. He still hadn’t gotten around to having that mental breakdown yet. He kept putting it off with more and more things to do.

Call his ex and let her know he was alive. Clean out the fridge of all those spoiled foods. Go shopping to fill his pantry with new foods. Cook food. Watch TV. Don’t let the existential dread set in. Vacuum the carpet. Sleep long hours interrupted by nightmares. Check the mail.

A letter signed by Mr Coolatta? Monthly payments into his account? Go hire yourself a nice therapist Gordon? Well, how thoughtful that he hadn’t been forgotten.

Have Coomer and Bubby turn up at his door one day and invite themselves in. How had they even figured out where he had lived? Gordon thinks the hug from Coomer may have fractured a few of his ribs. Bubby ‘ribbed’ him in more verbal ways. Gordon had swallowed the urge to tell them to get lost. They had helped him escape that hell in the end after all. Even if the experience was still so fresh that their mannerisms kept rubbing him the wrong way. It was okay though; he played a good host for a couple of hours before they thankfully left of their own volition.

There was a phone call to Tommy. Gordon had been trying to show gratitude to him for helping when he was at his lowest point. He was not sure if he fully got his appreciation across, but Tommy was nice to talk to all the same. No one could be immune to his ever-shining optimism.

Eventually Gordon thought, maybe he didn’t need to have that mental breakdown after all. Perhaps he would be okay if he just kept pushing through it. No stressors on his life anymore, he could probably live like this, quietly. Would still probably need to see a therapist though, at least for the never-ending nightmares. Otherwise though, things could be… normal.


	2. Benrey Goes Bump in the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon gets a midnight visit from his least favourite person in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gordon very Meanman. You've been warned.

Gordon was woken from a restless sleep by crashing sounds coming from his lounge room. He snapped up into a sitting position, eyes wide and breath held. He listened carefully for a couple of moments, hearing some more thuds and some light swearing. He silently reached for his glasses and prosthetic off the nightstand, putting both on. Some lighter movement sounds now echoed through the apartment.

As quietly as he could, Gordon removed his handgun from the nightstand drawer, loaded it, and gently pulled himself out from under the covers. He flexed his toes in the carpet beneath his feet, still blinking to adjust his eyes to the darkness. As silently as he could manage, he opened his bedroom door and started moving down the hallway.

“… where’s …. fuckin’ light,” Gordon heard someone mumble from his lounge room. His body tensed up, and he held the gun tighter in his hands. Adrenaline was shooting through his veins, but he tried to control his breathing as the feeling awoke not-too-distance memories.

Gordon made it to the end of the hallway and peered carefully around the room. He could see a shape, a shadow moving through the space. Keeping his gun pointed in the direction of the figure, he reached around the corner and flipped on the light switch, blinking rapidly as the room was flooded in light.

“bwah!” the intruder exclaimed, and Gordon could see them quickly cover their eyes with their arms, adopting a defensive stance. As Gordon blinked in the light, he examined the trespasser. The guy was shorter than Gordon and was wearing very loose clothing, dark blue cotton shirt and light blue cotton pants. It almost looked like hospital patient clothing.

As the guy removed his arms from his face and blinked in the light, searching the room, his strange yellow eyes came to rest on Gordon. Gordon realised the man’s skin had a grey tint to it, and his face was framed by messy dark hair.

“oh, yo feetman,” the intruder said, lips parting to show a sharp toothed grin.

“Oh no, not you, you motherfucking piece of shit!” Gordon almost shouted with realisation, making a point of aiming his gun at the other’s head.

“oh shit, no, maybe don’t kill friend benrey please and thank you?” Benrey said, his body having drawn back sharply at the sight of the pointed weapon. His hands were up in surrender, and he had taken a shaky step backwards.

Gordon was extremely tempted to just pull the trigger to get rid of Benrey straight away. Though he would probably just reappear in a few days anyway, like he always did.

For some unfathomable reason even to himself, Gordon adjusted his aim, and shot Benrey in the thigh instead. Perhaps just to figure out if he was real and not a hallucination.

As soon as the bullet had ripped through the flesh Benrey’s legs buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor gasping, while the echo of the shot filled the apartment.

“AH! AH! what the hell why does it HURT! FUCK!” Benrey swore as his hands grasped around the wound.

Gordon’s face contorted with confusion as he approached Benrey from the other side of the room, watching the guy roll around on his carpet in apparent agony.

“feetman fuckin’ shot me… why does it hurt so much…” Benrey groaned out through clenched teeth, his eyes squeezed shut. He started breathing faster and faster, and then suddenly his entire body went limp as he passed out from hyperventilating.

Gordon stood over Benrey’s limp form for a few moments, just staring down at the guy. ”Fuck me…” he finally exhaled.

-

The first sensation Benrey was aware of again was shooting pain in his leg. He tried to reach to hold the wound, but then realised that he couldn’t move his arms at all. He winced, and then slowly blinked open his eyes.

“It’s about time you woke up”, Gordon said in a flat tone as Benrey looked up at the figure towering over him. “Took a little bullet there didja?” Gordon mocked one of Benrey’s phrases.

“whuh?” Squeezing his eyes open and closed a few times, Benrey looked down at his own body. He was seated on a chair, arms tied behind the back and ankles tied to the legs. He gave an experimental wiggle and found the bonds to be tight. The situation he had ended up in however was far from ‘tight’.

Benrey then noticed that Gordon was still holding the gun, his eyes widened, and he instinctually tried to wiggle backwards, though just ended up pressing himself into the back of the chair.

“please no kill best friend benrey?” Benrey quickly choked out the plea, trying to look as helpless as possible.

“For the last time, we aren’t friends asshole. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t end you right now,” Gordon spat with malice. “After all, you’ll just come back anyway, and maybe it will help get something out of my system.”

“uhh… no no… uhhh… uhhhhh… maybe no lives left,” Benrey said shakily.

Gordon looked at him both angrily and quizzically. “What the fuck does that mean, Benrey?” he asked as he waved the gun around a bit, probably to motivate the alien to explain something for once.

“no uhhh no-clip. no teleport. no change shape,” Benrey started listing, then looked down at his left thigh and the hole that had ripped through his pants and then his leg. “no uhhh invulnerability. probably no respawn,” he explained, swallowing hard.

Gordon was quiet for a moment, processing what he had just heard, rubbing his beard with his free hand. “So, if I kill you this time, you might actually stay dead forever?” Benrey nodded in reply, swallowing again. “Benrey, you aren’t exactly helping your case here much, as hearing that, it kinda makes me want to kill you more. Get rid of you once and for all,” Gordon said with a slight, humourless chuckle. “You are going to have to do better than that.”

“o-ok…” Benrey said, licking his lips as he thought about what to say next. Gordon angryman being scary was making it hard to think. “benrey no hurt freeman? friend?” he offered.

Gordon sighed. “But you already did,” he said flatly, holding his mechanical arm outwards and gesturing towards it. Benrey sucked some air in between his teeth.

“oh, what happened to y-“ Benrey quickly slammed his mouth shut on the words, looking up at Gordon with wild eyes. Then he squeezed his eyes shut and scrunched up his face, lowering his head as he prepared for the end. Stupid stupid stupid stupid…

But it didn’t happen. Benrey lifted his head slightly and cracked open an eye to see what Gordon was doing. Gordon’s eyes were rolled back as he was taking what seemed to be the deepest breath of his life. He let it out in one big rush, returning his gaze to Benrey.

After a long moment of silence Gordon finally spoke again. “Why… why did you do it?” he looked unbelievably weary as he spoke. “The ambush, and then later on that planet? Trying to kill us?”

“whuh?” After a glare from Gordon, Benrey sucked on his teeth obnoxiously as he tried to find his words. “hard to say,” when he saw the fury in Gordon’s eyes he quickly tried to continue. “some parts can’t explain. you, ah, not high enough affection level yet to get the tragic benrey backstory,” the words were coming a little easier now when he had the chance to use game references.

Gordon rolled his eyes again. More deep breaths. “Okay, I think what you are trying to say is it’s difficult for you to explain a lot of things at once, especially without going off track and pissing me off.”

Benrey nodded enthusiastically.

“Alright, this means if I want any answers, I am going to have to extend my patience as far as possible. I do think I would at least like to understand what happened before I get rid of you,” that line of thought certainly made Benrey feel uncomfortable. Why did scaryman have to get hung up on everything so much, couldn’t he just let it go?

“Okay, so, why did you lead me into a trap and have the military beat me to a pulp?” Gordon tried.

“…bootboys… said they would just take you, not hurt you. not part of the plan. very uncool of them.” Benrey tried carefully and waited for Gordon’s reaction.

“Okay then, but why didn’t you try and stop them when they started cutting my fucking arm off?” Gordon asked tersely.

“misunderstanding… was just a prank bro…” Benrey didn’t like the look in Gordon’s eyes, so changed tact. “uhhh… who do you think stopped them from finishing you off… and took you to safe place…?”

Gordon did look a bit surprised at that, his features softening up just a tiny bit. “I don’t know if I would call a garbage compactor a safe place,” he said after a moment.

“tommy explained uh… bad prank, not good. so friend benrey tried to help make it right.”

“Okay, okay, I still don’t fully understand that one, but I feel like we at least got somewhere there. Now what about on that planet, Xen? Why did you attack us, try and kill us?” Gordon was almost pleading for answers it seemed.

“…xen make head hurt. big benrey, big emotions. rejection…. angry…. wanted to hurt… get even. you kept treating me like i was bad, kept thinking i was bad. so i was bad, thought you wanted benrey to be the big bad.” Benrey slowly explained, looking away from Gordon.

Before Gordon could say anything, Benrey continued. “but still… didn’t want to hurt too bad. but hard to control. i told you then. said don’t shoot or i had to shoot back. i warned you bro. but you wouldn’t listen. too busy being big hero.”

Yet another sigh from Gordon. Benrey looked back up at him, as Gordon sat down on the couch across from the chair Benrey was tied to. Gordon placed the gun on the armrest, then leaned his elbows on his knees, chin resting on his fists.

“hug?” Benrey asked, cocking his head to one side. Gordon shook his head.

“kiss?” Benrey offered instead.

“What? Ew no, what the fuck dude.” Gordon exclaimed.

It was Benrey’s turn to sigh now. “you don’t want hugs, or kisses. or friendship. what do you want from benrey?” He asked earnestly.

Gordon seemed slightly taken aback by the question. “Uh, well, how about like, an apology?”

“uh, um… hrmm…” Benrey considered. “benrey, didn’t mean to?” he tried flashing what he thought was a friendly, toothy grin of epic apologeticness.

Gordon just let out a long groan and buried his face in his hands. Benrey’s smile fell away.

“Why are you here Benrey,” Gordon finally asked, giving the alien another weary look.

“uhhh… do you have any games on your phone?” Benrey asked innocuously, pursing his lips.

Gordon glared daggers into him.

“whuh?” Benrey paused. “oh, i, uh… set you as my respawn point in black mesa, so i wouldn’t lose you if i died.” Felt kinda gay to admit that.

“Fantastic,” Gordon said about as sarcastically as humanly possible. “So, let me get this straight, you really are not here to hurt me?”

Benrey shook his head, and then did a double take, and then nodded, and then did another double take. “i don’t want to be the bad guy anymore,” he said softly. “’s the big suck. 2/10 IGN too much blood.”

“Why should I believe a word you say, after you betrayed me and all?” Gordon asked, his voice emotionless again and softer.

Benrey wiggled around in the chair and his bonds uncomfortably. “i can prove ’m not bad no more. benrey redemption arc?” he asked hopefully.

Gordon narrowed his eyebrows, his lips pulled into a thin line. “I don’t think so Benrey. This is just me deciding whether to kill you or not. And currently I guess it’s a not, for now.” He explained flatly. Benrey’s expression looked a little hopeful.

“However, if I am deciding to let you go, that means I am going to kick your ass straight out that door and I never want to see you in my life ever again. No redemption arc, nothing. If I do see you again, I might not be so kind next time.” Benrey’s face fell at Gordon’s words.

“whuh? nooo… gordo…” Benrey felt a lump forming in his throat but pushed it down. “best friend. benrey got nowhere else to go.”

Gordon scoffed. “Just go home idiot.”

“home got ‘sploded,” Benrey said impassively, looking down.

Gordon looked a bit startled at that. “You lived at Black Mesa? Like, all the time?” Benrey nodded.

Gordon shook his head quickly, stray curls flying around his face. “Nope, not my problem. You can go live in the park and feed on squirrels for all I care,” he said as he rose from the couch. He unloaded the gun mag and placed the weapon to one side, and then stepped over to Benrey. Benrey grimaced slightly, expecting Gordon to perhaps hit him, but Gordon just untied his hands from behind his back.

“I can’t believe I’m actually doing this,” Gordon muttered as he freed Benrey’s ankles from the chair legs. Benrey rubbed his wrists as Gordon backed away from him.

Gordon stood with his hands on his hips now.

“uhhh… what about this?” Benrey asked, pointing to where Gordon had shot him in the leg.

Gordon shrugged. “Not my problem, you’re the one who intruded into my apartment in the dead of night. What did you expect would happen? I would welcome you with open arms?” he scoffed.

Benrey’s shoulders drooped. He thought that was pretty unfair, the wound was sort of Gordon’s fault as he had been the one to pull the trigger. And he… wished Gordon had welcomed him with open arms. Benrey could use a hug right now.

“Come on, get up and get out of my apartment,” Gordon commanded gruffly. Benrey swallowed his sadness, and then tried to stand, but as soon as he put pressure on his injured leg it gave out underneath him from the stabbing pain. He stumbled forward, falling against Gordon’s body.

Benrey froze, as much as he could balancing on one leg. Gordon placed his hands on Benrey’s shoulders and pushed him back upright. Benrey looked up, and thought he saw a look of pity cross Gordon’s face for a moment, before the man set his mouth into a straight line again.

“I’d call an ambulance for you, but I’m pretty sure they would freak out trying to treat someone who looks so alien,” Gordon muttered, putting his arms around Benrey’s shoulders to help the other limp to the door.

“please freeman… don’t kick best friend benrey out?” Benrey pleaded, holding back tears from the pain. Gordon looked away, clearly trying to ignore him.

He opened the door and then pushed Benrey through it roughly. The alien stumbled and crashed onto the concrete landing outside the apartment. He heard the door slam shut behind him.

“gordon meanman…” he muttered to himself, pulling himself into a sitting position, and then scooching back so he was learning against the wall next to Gordon’s front door. He held onto his thigh, some blood still leaking out of the gunshot wound. Tears pricked in the corners of his eyes, and he swallowed a sob.

Soon his arms moved to wrap around himself as a cool wind passed him by. Being cold blooded as he was, he probably wouldn’t last long out here in the middle of a chilly night. Benrey was going to die out here, while Gordon was safe and warm inside. The alien briefly remembered feeling the warmth of Gordon’s body when he had fallen against him. He silently wished he could feel that warmth again.


	3. Stupid Guilt and Pesky Morals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon's probably too soft for his own good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gordon Niceman. :)

Gordon Freeman lasted approximately 10 minutes lying in bed before his guilt overwhelmed his desire to see Benrey suffer. He supposed he couldn’t be that cruel to someone, even someone he hated who deserved it. The image of the alien limping through the cold night air had somehow tugged on his heartstrings, god damn it.

And after all, the alien had actually shown proper emotions tonight, even if it was mainly fear. The fear had made Gordon feel powerful, finally being the one to hold someone else life in his hands, and not the other way around. It was an ugly feeling.

Benrey has also sounded very genuine. Still difficult to understand, but it was like he was really trying. Well, Gordon guessed anyone would pull out all the stops to avoid getting killed forever.

Gordon sighed for the umpteenth time that night and pulled himself out of bed. He put on his prosthetic arm again but left the gun behind. He didn’t think it was needed anymore.

He unlatched and unlocked the door he had double checked about 20 minutes ago, after he had smugly dusted off his hands after throwing Benrey out in the cold. Gordon felt the nip of the night air on his exposed skin as he stepped out of the door.

He looked around the landing, before noticing a curled-up figure down by his left foot. He crouched down and put his flesh hand against Benrey’s back.

“Holy shit Benrey you’re frozen!” he exclaimed aloud, causing the figure to stir. Benrey lifted his head from where it had been buried in his arms resting on top of his knees, looking at Gordon with eyes glowing behind stray strands of hair.

Benrey only managed to let out the faintest of whuh’s and didn’t move any more than that. Gordon shook his head, took a deep breath and then got positioned to pick the smaller man up. He hooked his human arm under Benrey’s armpits and around his back, and his mechanical arm under his knees. He then straightened his own knees, lifting the alien up, until his still slightly curled up body was pressing against Gordon’s broad torso.

Gordon carried Benrey inside the apartment, laid him down on the couch, and went back to close and lock the door. After he returned to Benrey’s side, he could see the alien was shaking all over and muttering.

“c-c-colllld” Benrey complained in a small voice, trying to hug his arms around himself again. Gordon turned on the heat pump. He took Benrey’s hand in his own quickly, before recognising it felt like cold meat from the fridge. He then realised it was going to take much too long to warm up the house to help Benrey. Gordon considered what he should do for a moment as the machine slowly started breathing out warm air.

“Fine!” Gordon said, mostly to himself, before picking Benrey up the same way he had before. There was one place in the house that was still warm currently, and he didn’t have much other choice, unless he wanted to try and shower the alien, which didn’t sound to appealing.

He carried Benrey into the bedroom and placed him down in the spot Gordon had been sleeping earlier, pulling the covers up around him.

“w..warmmm…” Benrey sighed and his face relaxed a bit.

Gordon left him and went to fetch the first aid kit.

When he returned Benrey was still shivering and curling up on himself under the covers, but he also looked much more content. Gordon pulled the covers off Benrey’s left leg. When he did so, the alien tried to snatch his foot back into the warmth of the duvet, but Gordon could hear a hiss of pain that was caused by the manoeuvre. Gordon grabbed Benrey’s icy ankle and forced him to extend the leg again.

Now… how was he actually going to get to the bullet wound to assess and clean it? He tried pulling the pant leg up, but it was quickly clear it wouldn’t go high enough. He wasn’t going to be able to work through the hole in the thigh of the pants. No… the only way to do this was going to be pulling Benrey’s pants… down…

Gordon sucked in a breath, braced himself, grabbed the waistband of Benrey’s pants, and slowly pulled them downwards. Oh, thank fuck, he was wearing boxers. Gordon had been so sure that Benrey would be someone who would go commando. And thank fuck that the alien seemed mostly too knocked out by the cold to noticed what Gordon was doing. Or if he did notice, he wasn’t live commentating about the situation, for once.

He got the pants down far enough to access the wound. Examining both sides, it looked like the bullet had passed straight through the flesh, meaning Gordon wouldn’t have to try digging it out. He wondered where the bullet was now, on the floor or in the wall? It also looked like the bullet had miraculously missed any major arteries, which had also been clear by the lack of Benrey haemorrhaging to death in the chair. There was still some blood though, which was a strange blue colour. Of course it was.

Gordon set to cleaning the wound with antiseptic, which caused some grunts from Benrey, who seemed to be trying to bury himself deeper within the covers. Gordon then wrapped it in a dressing and a bandage, securing it tightly. It was the best he could really do with what he had on hand.

Gordon pulled Benrey’s pants back up and covered the leg again. He paused for a moment to think. What the hell was he even doing? Patching up and, almost, tenderly caring for Benrey? Worst friend? Mortal enemy? How screwed in the head was he to be doing this?

Probably not enough, he thought, since he had somehow held onto his pesky ‘morals’ after the ordeal of his life. Gordon sighed as he sat down on the opposite side of the bed to think about the situation, the problem that he had just created for himself. That un-had mental breakdown was creeping back up on him again.

He was disturbed from his thoughts by a small voice coming from behind him. “gordon… gordon niceman?” Benrey asked. Gordon turned to face him and saw confusion in his yellow alien eyes.

Gordon just shrugged at him. “Don’t get used to it,” he said through clenched teeth.

Benrey frowned and squirmed under the covers a bit. “still… c-c-cold…” he whined. He looked up at Gordon pleadingly. “hug?”

“Benrey, I’m not getting under the covers with you,” Gordon stated in a firm tone.

Benrey whined some more. “benrey dying from cold here. cold blood. but gordo has warm blood. gordon warmman?” the alien implored.

Gordon slumped forward where he sat, hanging his head in defeat. He said nothing as he got off the bed, pulled back the covers, and got in, settling down on the opposite side of the mattress from where he usually slept. He took off his arm and put it and his glasses on the other nightstand. He lay on his back looking up at the ceiling, making no move to give Benrey his much-requested hug.

Benrey started shuffling over towards Gordon, reaching out to try and grab his upper arm, but Gordon turned his head and shot the alien a look that stopped him in his tracks.

“I’ll be your stupid human space heater, but no touching!” Gordon hissed. “It’s not like I have anywhere else to sleep but the couch anyway,” he added.

He thought he heard Benrey cut off a whine in his throat, and then the other man nodded, settling down as close to Gordon’s body as he could manage without touching him. It seemed to only take a few minutes before the alien was breathing slowly, probably asleep.

Gordon had taken a sleeping pill before going back to bed the second time, so he closed his eyes and tried to relax his tense muscles. Benrey was powerless and couldn’t hurt him anymore. And seemed like he didn’t want to hurt him. Gordon was in control here, he had nothing to worry about.

Gordon didn’t notice himself doze off into an uneasy sleep.

-

When Benrey starts to wake up, the first thing he notices is how warm he feels. And comfortable. He doesn’t think he’s ever been so warm and comfortable before, or that it was even possible to be. Well, that’s apart from the dull ache he feels in his leg. When he slowly opens his eyes, he realises his situation.

During his sleep Benrey has somehow managed to wrap himself around the bicep of warmman and was pushed right up against his body, without even waking the big man up.

 _Score._ Benrey thought to himself, feeling warmth right down to his heart. He closed his eyes again, letting himself melt into the contact. He would pretend to be asleep, and then when Gordon woke up, he would feign ignorance. The perfect crime.

The only thing ruining this perfect moment was the ache in his thigh from where Gordon shot him, but at least this was better than freezing to death outside. Yeah, way better, basically nearly the best. Benrey took a deep breath in, savouring Gordon’s scent.

It took almost another hour before Gordon started to stir, but Benrey had relished every last moment. As soon as the other man started moving, Benrey put on his best fake sleeping act.

“Huh? Geeze, I’m sweating, why is it so warm in her-“ Benrey heard Gordon cut himself off, probably having noticed the ‘sleeping’ alien curled around his arm now. Benrey wanted so badly to know what Gordon’s reaction would be, too bad he couldn’t open his eyes to see the expression on his face.

The silence seemed to stretch out for a good long while without Gordon moving or making a sound except for his breathing. Then, very slowly, Gordon started to try and reclaim his limb from the clingy alien.

Oh my god this was so amazing. Gordon was trying to extract himself from the bed without waking Benrey up. Benrey, being the annoying little fucker he is, took this chance to ‘sleepily’ cling tighter to the limb.

“God damn it, get off me,” Gordon said in an annoyed huff, now pulling his arm out of Benrey’s grip with more force, given that his other limb was useless in this situation. Oh no, Benrey had ruined the moment. He relaxed his grip, letting Gordon pull away, and then pretended to wake up with a sleepy yawn, despite being full alert already. Benrey slowly opened his eyes and watched as Gordon put on his glasses and prosthetic.

Gordon extracted himself from the bed and after readjusting his pyjamas, turned back to glance at Benrey. Benrey gave Gordon a huge shit eating grin, which caused the other to scowl.

“So last night wasn’t just another bad dream, great,” Gordon seethed, and then stalked out of the room. Benrey readjusted his position in the bed as he heard the beeping sound of Gordon turning off the heater in the lounge room. Benrey couldn’t exactly get up to go anywhere with his leg as it was, so he just had to wait. Gordon quickly stalked back into the room, not even glancing at Benrey as he picked some clothing out of his closet. He quickly stalked out again and into another room. After a few minutes Benrey could hear the shower running.

He sighed, feeling slightly bored with looking around Gordon’s bedroom. He decided instead to take this chance to shove his face right into the middle of Gordon’s pillow and take a great big whiff. He let the scent fill his lungs and it made him feel lightheaded. He moved back to his side of the bed before Gordon emerged from the bathroom.

Gordon was rubbing his curly mess of hair dry with a towel as he wandered down the hall again, out of sight. Benrey heard sounds of clinking ceramic and silverware, and a machine being turned on. He sat up in the bed, listening as the smell of fresh coffee wafted down the hallway and into the bedroom.

Soon Gordon appeared in the bedroom doorway again, learning against the frame, steaming mug held between his hands. He was wearing a white shirt with some sort of nerd science joke on it that Benrey didn’t get, and grey sweatpants, with the towel around his shoulders, his brown curls cascading over the white cloth.

“coffee for benny boy?” Benrey asked as sweetly as he could, making grabby hands towards Gordon.

“Heck no, get your own,” Gordon growled, taking a long sip from his mug.

Benrey looked down at his legs under the covers with disappointment. “i can’t stand up, mean-mannnnn,” Benrey huffed, blowing a lock of hair out of his eyes.

Constantly sighing seemed to be coming a new part of Gordon’s everyday life. “Fine,” he said as he rolled his eyes. “How do you take it?”

“with soda,” Benrey said, deadpan.

“What the hell man, you can’t be serious,” Gordon said with a cocked eyebrow, but Benrey just nodded. “Gross. Fine, 2 sugars it is.”

“three!” Benrey cried out as Gordon sauntered out of the room.

“Two!” Gordon called back as he walked down the hall. “Don’t want to rot your stupid shark teeth out of your stupid head.”

Benrey waited impatiently until Gordon returned with another mug. This one had a cat picture on it. Benrey reached out and accepted the drink, quickly tasting it.

“bleh! ‘s bitter!” he exclaimed, sticking his long tongue out to show his disgust.

“That’s… that’s the point of coffee man,” Gordon said with exasperation, before leaving the room again.

Benrey begrudgingly sipped at the drink as it was the only thing he could do until Gordon decided to come back. But then he heard more sounds coming from the kitchen, and he was getting bored and impatient. He set the mug down on the nightstand and slowly got up out of the bed. He wobbled and caught himself on the wall.

Using the wall and trying to put as little pressure on his left leg as possible, Benrey hobbled to the door of the bedroom, and then tried to make his way down the hallway. But a sudden shooting pain through his leg made him stumble and crash onto the carpet.

He heard Gordon rush out of the kitchen and stop at the end of the hall to see what had happened. Benrey was too busy eating carpet (metaphorically, not literally, though he had done so literally before) to see Gordon’s expression. Gordon slowly padded up the hallways towards him, and stood over Benrey, probably looking down on him scornfully.

“a little gordon helpman?” Benrey requested, trying to lift himself up off the floor.

Gordon tsked at the alien before crouching down and taking one of his arms to help pull him up. Then he assisted Benrey to limp over to the couch and sit down, before going back to what he was doing in the kitchen.

Benrey looked around the room, studying it under the light and not in a situation where he felt like he was about to be perma-deathed. “you got any video games?” Benrey asked loudly, even though his eyes were already locked onto the PS4 sitting in Gordon’s TV stand shelf.

When Gordon didn’t answer Benrey twisted himself around and tried to elevate himself using the back of the couch so he could see over the kitchen bench/peninsular and into the kitchen. Gordon was cooking something, and it smelled good.

“breakfast for benny boy? much pog?” Benrey asked as he leaned over the couch more to see what it was.

“… didn’t know you ate,” Gordon said, then cracked a few more eggs into the hot pan.

“benrey has eaten many things before,” Benrey exclaimed proudly. He didn’t mention that some of those things included: carpet, rocks, plastic, magnets, uranium, an entire mouse, and more.

Benrey settled back down on the couch properly, satisfied in the knowledge that Gordon was going to keep taking care of him. He located the remote on the messy coffee table and turned on the TV, surfing through the channels as he waited. He fought back the urge to grab the PS4 controller with all his strength. Despite being a known shithead, he never wanted to see ‘gordon scaryman’ who had almost killed him twice in one night again.

Gordon emerged from the kitchen with two plates, which he set down on the coffee table, before going back for his mug and the cutlery. By the time he came back Benrey was already shoving eggs and bacon into his mouth.

“Oh my god dude gross stop,” Gordon exclaimed, watching in horror. Benrey froze and turned to look up at Gordon, sucking a strip of bacon into his mouth.

“Use the cutlery dude,” Gordon said, setting the knives and forks down in between their plates, and his mug down too. “Uh uh uh, hold on, don’t move!” he said as Benrey was reaching for a fork, and Gordon disappeared back into the kitchen.

He emerged carrying some paper towel, shoving them into Benrey’s face. “Wipe the grease off your hands and face with this,” Gordon said, as Benrey took the towel.

Benrey did as instructed, before grabbing a knife and fork and moving the plate into his lap. Then he paused. He waited for Gordon to sit down and watched as the other picked up their own knife and fork and started cutting into the eggs and bacon. After a moment of study, Benrey tried to copy the technique, tongue sticking out in concentration. Then he realised Gordon was looking over at him and chuckling.

“whuh?” Benrey asked, freezing in place, trying to figure out what he had done wrong this time.

“Have – have you never used a knife and fork before bro?” Gordon asked, trying to control the mirth in his voice.

Benrey stared down at the utensils, his mind grinding to a halt. Gordon burst out in more laughter next to him.

“gordon meanman,” Benrey said under his breath, as he turned his attention back to cutting up the meat and shoving it in his mouth.

“Pass the remote,” Gordon asked as he had a sip from his mug.

“nuh-uh,” Benrey retorted, “this is my favourite show.”

“Benrey. This is the infomercial channel,” Gordon said in disbelief.

“yuh, i know that,” Benrey said defiantly. “i like this dude, hes uh… trying to give me a free vacuum.”

“You only get the free one if you buy another one, which they sell to you for double the normal price. It’s a scam Benrey. Now give me the damn remote,” Gordon growled.

Benrey picked up the remote and changed to another random channel. “new favourite show… uh... whatever the fuck this is.”

“Benrey,” Gordon seethed slowly, glaring at the alien. Benrey huffed and handed over the remote.

There was some semblance of peace in Gordon Freeman’s lounge room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all I wrote for now. Will I do anymore? Maybe.


	4. Domestically Bareable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon tries to distract himself from his thoughts while Benrey makes himself at home.

Gordon took both their empty plates and went into the kitchen. He did the dishes straight away, a habit he had been getting into, a bit of busy work to keep him going and prevent him from stopping to think too long.

“you got PS+ bro?” Benrey called out from the lounge room. Gordon’s whole body stiffened. That was the sort of question he had been hearing way too much in his nightmares recently, usually just before he was ripped to shreds, or had his organs yanked from his stomach, or his legs bitten off. After a moment Gordon finally remembered to breathe, and went back to scrubbing the plates, leaving Benrey’s question ignored.

Gordon heard the PS4 start up sound coming from the lounge and rolled his eyes. He put the coffee machine on again while he dried the plates and cutlery and put them away. It wasn’t long before the sound of virtual gunfire was filling the house.

Gordon stepped back into the loungeroom, another steaming mug in his hands. He looked over at Benrey playing Call of Duty for a moment, sipping his second coffee. He then went back into his bedroom and sat at his desk.

He flipped open his laptop and started mindlessly browsing his social media while downing his drink. He also checked his emails and messages on his phone. After he finished his coffee, he thought for a moment about what to do next, apart from thinking. That needed to be avoided at all costs. Don’t address the issues, just ignore them and they will go away eventually.

Gordon rose from his chair and started stripping the bed. He took the sheets to the tiny utility closet that had the washing machine. He shoved the sheets in, and then went to the bathroom to collect the laundry hamper, shoving all his dirty clothing in as well. He set everything up and started running the cycle, before retrieving fresh sheet and duvet cover from the linen closet.

Gordon mindlessly went through the motions of making the bed. He then grabbed Benrey’s only half drained mug off the nightstand and his own mug off his desk, taking them back to the kitchen to wash up.

“yo, you got any soda? or chips?” Benrey asked from the couch as Gordon washed the mugs.

“If I ever drink another soda it will be too soon,” Gordon said, then went to retrieve the first aid kit.

When Gordon rounded the couch to approach Benrey, he was struck by the silly expression the alien made while he was playing the game, face scrunched up in concentration, the tip of his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. Gordon stifled a laugh.

“Alright, show me your leg,” Gordon demanded, setting the kit down on the coffee table and crouching down next to it.

“nuh-uh, ‘m busy,” Benrey replied, lifting the controller slightly as he mashed buttons.

“Benrey, pause the fucking game and let me have a look at your wound,” Gordon growled, but Benrey wasn’t looking at his face to see his scowl.

“can’t pause an online match dipshit,” Benrey’s comment caused Gordon to grind his teeth together, as the urge to throttle the alien rose in him. “gotta fuckin’ boost your noob ass account outta this embarrassin’ low ass rank.”

“Fine!” Gordon seethed, rising and storming away. He didn’t know where else to go so he went back to the bedroom. He had run out of things to keep him occupied for the moment, so he sat down on the bed.

God Benrey was so infuriating. Was Gordon regretting giving into the pity and bringing him back inside last night? Almost. After everything that shithead had done, and he still had the gall to continue being the most annoying lifeform on the planet. Or any planet really. Gordon thinks he would prefer to have a peeper puppy in his house at the moment. Or a headcrab.

Gordon realised that his hands were in his hair and he was pulling slightly. He stopped the action immediately. No reason to go bald because of this. He shouldn’t let Benrey affect him this badly. The guy seemed harmless now. Irritating, but harmless.

“ok nurseman my match is over i’m ready for you to kiss it better!” Gordon heard Benrey’s voice call out from down the hall. He set his mouth in a firm, straight line, and got up to return to the lounge room.

“doctor nurseman, lay the truth on me, how bad is it?” Benrey teased as Gordon kneeled next to the couch again.

“Take off your pants,” Gordon instructed firmly, opening the first aid kit.

Benrey looked shocked. “wow, bro, don’t you think your takin’ this a bit too fast? tryin’ a get in my pants already?” the alien looked at him with half lidded eyes and a stupid grin.

Gordon grit his teeth. “Pull down your pants but NOT your boxers. I don’t want to see your gross alien junk,” he said.

“are you sure bro?” Benrey asked as he wiggled his dark eyebrows while pulling down his pants to his knees. “aren’tcha curious?”

“Not even a little,” Gordon sighed as he started unwrapping the bandage and removing the dressing. However, he was a little surprised at what he found underneath. The wound seemed to already be covered by a big bluish scab.

“Huh,” he breathed with raised eyebrows, checking the back of the thigh and finding much the same. “I guess even without all your powers your body still acts differently from humans,” he mused.

“whuh?” Benrey asked, looking perplexed. Gordon rose to his feet, closed the first aid kit and took the soiled bandages to the kitchen bin. “does this mean benrey doesn’t get a bandaid? or a lollipop?”

Gordon returned to Benrey scooting his pants back up. “I mean, it looks like it might be fine, just let me know if it bleeds anymore ok?”

Benrey shrugged, and then picked up his controller and went back to playing his game again.

-

Benrey spent the whole day playing Call of Duty, ranking Gordon’s account up out of the pissbaby ranks, like the good friend he was. Gordon didn’t seem to want to sit still all day. The guy was constantly moving around the apartment, constantly tidying and cleaning. Didn’t he know how to relax?

Benrey never got his requested soda and chips, but Gordon did make lunch for them both. Benrey liked the food that Gordon made him, it tasted better than carpet or rocks. Plus, Gordon had made it for him, done something nice for him, gordon niceman.

Benrey liked to watch Gordon as much as he could but tried not to get caught doing it too much, as Gordon usually glared at him if he noticed. Benrey liked it when Gordon’s face looked softer and less scowled. He hadn’t been able to make Gordon properly laugh again from his quips yet, not like he had back in Black Mesa. Benrey really wanted to hear Gordon’s wheezy laugh again and see the way his face scrunched up when he did so. He would just have to keep working on it, whittle his way through Gordon’s stone walls.

“Want to watch a movie?” Gordon asked in the evening.

“sure, if you want to stay a gold scrub in CoD until tomorrow,” Benrey scoffed.

“I think I’ll probably survive the humiliation,” Gordon said. “You pick a movie on Netflix while I order pizza.”

“oh, oh, can we get hawaiian?” Benrey asked eagerly, bouncing in his seat despite how it hurt his leg.

Gordon made a face of disgust at Benrey. “You like fucking pineapple on your pizza? You damn heathen, guess you really are a demon. No, I’m just going to get something simple, maybe ham or pepperoni.”

“bro not cool, pineapple on pizza is my jam. ‘s so sweet.” Benrey argued, but Gordon had already moved away as he started making a phone call.

Benrey huffed, and then turned off the PS4 and opened Netflix. He started flicking through the categories lazily.

Suddenly Gordon was flopping down onto the couch next to him. “So, what you pick?” Gordon asked while looking at the screen, clearly able to see for himself. “Ready Player One? Ew, got any better ideas?”

Benrey snorted air out his nose indignantly, before searching up a different movie.

“Resident Evil? Does everything always have to be video games with you?” Gordon asked with exasperation.

“… yes.” Benrey stated in his usual monotone.

“Ugh, let me relieve you of movie picking duties. Give me the remote,” Gordon requested, holding out his hand.

“nuh-uh. benrey wanna watch ressie evil,” Benrey crossed his arms over his chest, hiding the remote against his body.

Gordon placed his hand against his forehead and shook his head. “Fine,” he caved. “Whatever, I don’t really care.” Benrey put on a smug face, having gotten his way, and put on the movie.

They managed to make it through the movie quite amiably, and Benrey enjoyed the pizza once it came, even if it was lacking pineapple pieces. Gordon did spend a lot of the movie pointing out everything he though was wrong or stupid about it, but Benrey didn’t really mind, or react much.

Benrey actually spent a lot of the movie glancing over at Gordon and trying not to get caught doing so. He wished so hard that he could cuddle up on the warmth that was Gordon’s chest, but he knew if he tried that would be a one-way ticket to getting pushed off the couch. Wouldn’t stop him fantasising about it though. After the sun had set it had started to get a bit chilly in the house for Benrey, but Gordon had made no moves to turn the heater on. At least the pizza was warming his insides a bit.

Once the movie finished, Gordon disappeared with the pizza box, presumably to throw it out. While he was gone Benrey turned off the TV, then sat idly waiting. Gordon reappeared next to the couch, holding a blanket.

“Well, I’m going to turn in for an early night,” Gordon said, throwing the blanket at Benrey. “After all, you interrupted my sleep last night.”

Benrey looked despondently at the blanket, and then back up at Gordon. “whuh? you gonna leave me out here?”

Gordon just twisted his mouth and shrugged, and then turned to move away.

“w-wait!” Benrey cried out with more distress than he had planned. “blankets don’t work for benreys,” he explained. Gordon raised an eyebrow quizzically but didn’t respond.

Benrey huffed. “blankets trap heat made by warm bodies. benrey’s body cold, barely any heat to trap.”

“I’m not putting the heater on all night for you,” Gordon stated, frowning. “It will jack the electricity bill and seep into my room and make me too hot.”

Benrey glanced up at Gordon with expectation. “gordon warmman?” was all he asked.

“Oh my god,” Gordon said, clutching his head with one hand. “No Benrey, you can’t sleep in my bed again.”

Benrey frowned. “you… you gonna let best friend freeze to death? gordon meanman again?” Benrey questioned pitifully.

“ARGHHH” Gordon groaned, face palming. He dragged his fingers down his cheek. “I fucking hate this!”

Ow, that hurt. Benrey looked away dejectedly.

“… fine. Whatever.” Gordon finally ground out from between clenched teeth. Benrey looked back up at him with surprise. Gordon lent down and grabbed Benrey under the arms, hoisting him up against his chest. Benrey squeaked with surprise at this, though quickly wrapped his arms and legs around Gordon’s body to hang on as he was transported to the bedroom. Burying his nose in Gordon’s shoulder, he subtly breathed in the smell of his skin.

Suddenly Benrey was unceremoniously dumped on the mattress, which jolted his still healing leg, sending spasms of pain through his body, causing him to curl in on himself. When he opened his eyes, he noticed that he had been deposited on the opposite side of the bed that he had slept on last night, out of Gordon’s spot.

Gordon left the room, and Benrey could hear sounds of the tap running in the bathroom. Benrey carefully crawled out of bed, once again using the wall to help him balance, though his leg hurt slightly less now when he put pressure on it. He hobbled out the door and into the hallway, leaning against a wall as he waited outside the bathroom.

Gordon emerged from the bathroom, fixing his hair, and seemed a little startled to see Benrey there. “The fuck dude?” he asked.

“need to pee,” Benrey said simply, hobbling past Gordon and into the bathroom. He had been sitting on the couch all day and really needed to go.

Once he came back into the bedroom, he found Gordon setting up his bedside table for the night, seated on the bed while taking off his hand and glasses. Benrey leaned on the mattress and then crawled up to his new designated spot, burying himself under the covers.

Gordon turned out the lamp and lay down in the bed, pulling some covers back off Benrey to cover himself with. “I would hope this would go without saying, but just to be sure,” Gordon started, glaring at Benrey in the dark when Benrey looked up at him, “absolutely no cuddling. Do you understand?”

Benrey stretched, sighed and nodded, before wiggling his way closer to Gordon anyway. Not close enough to touch, though close enough to notice Gordon’s body tense up as he approached.

“kiss?” Benrey offered. Gordon just grunted and rolled over so that his back was towards Benrey.


	5. Dreams and Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nightmares don't stop coming. Benrey remembers a time that Gordon doesn't.

The cavern was filled with only the echoing sound of Gordon’s boots sloshing through the thick red liquid that covered the floor. He was looking down at his feet as he trudged slowly forward. He noticed his body was covered in HEV suit armour, which was broken at the point where his hand was missing.

Gordon looked up, seeing that the vast cavern was empty except for himself and a small figure standing in the middle. Gordon approached quietly, until he could make out that the figure was Benrey. Glowing yellow eyes looked out between strands of messy hair from where they were set into grey skin. Skin which was mostly covered by light cotton clothing.

Gordon hesitated. This Benrey didn’t seem particularly threatening, looking at Gordon with his head cocked to the side. This was… this was the good Benrey right? The harmless one?

Gordon cautiously approached Benrey, eyeing the alien off carefully. He wasn’t going to completely let his guard down, considering where they were at the moment. This place would be forever etched into his memories.

“feetman?” Benrey asked in a small voice, looking a little lost.

“What’s going on Benrey?” Gordon queried slowly, putting his one hand up and out as if trying to calm a wild animal.

Benrey shrugged, wrapping his arms around himself and shivering. “’s cold here,” he grumbled.

Gordon lowered his hand, giving the alien a pitiful look as he stepped a little closer.

“hug? gordon warmman?” Benrey pleaded, his cat like pupils blown wide. Gordon thought it was a pretty pathetic sight.

“Fine, okay, come here,” Gordon barely had a chance to finish his sentence before Benrey had flung himself against Gordon’s armour-clad chest. The smaller guy felt freezing to the touch, the sensation made Gordon’s body stiffen.

Suddenly the lighting in the cavern seemed to darken, and as Gordon looked around, he saw the thick red liquid had started pouring out of the walls. Benrey was still shivering against him where he had his head pressed against Gordon’s chest. No, wait, he wasn’t shivering, his body was heaving. With silent laughter.

As Gordon pulled Benrey away from his body the alien had started to laugh out loud. His pupils had constricted into slits and all his sharp teeth were bared as he laughed manically.

Gordon stumbled backwards as Benrey’s face started to grow more glowing yellow eyes on it, the alien’s messy hair brushed across them as his body heaved with laughter. Suddenly a long sharp appendage burst out of the alien’s chest and buried itself straight into Gordon’s torso.

Gordon’s body jolted from the impact, and he let out a choked cry, tasting blood on his tongue. He closed his eyes as he was slowly lifted into the air on the appendage while Benrey let out inhuman screeches.

“…ordo? freeman? screechman? gordon?”

Gordon swam out of the blackness of unconsciousness towards the words he could hear being softly called. He started to feel his body being gently shaken. Suddenly his eyes flew open and he lurched upright.

He felt the cool air of the bedroom against his uncovered skin, having pushed most of the covers off as he had pitched forward. He panted in the darkness, eyes unfocused, staring ahead. The claws of the nightmare were slowly letting go of his mind.

He then noticed he felt a cool hand resting on his upper right arm. He quickly turned to look to his right, but all he could see in the darkness without his glasses were two wide glowing yellow eyes.

“FUCK!” Gordon exclaimed, snatching himself away from the subject of his nightmares. He then froze in place, still staring into those glowing eyes as he tried to get his whirling mind under control.

“uh… you ok?” a voice asked softly in the dark. “gordon scream-in-his-sleep-man?”

“Benrey, holy fuck,” Gordon breathed, realising this was the actual Benrey and not the nightmare one. Gordon reached over and turned on the lamp on his nightstand, then fumbled for his glasses and put them on, the world around him suddenly coming into sharp focus.

“ya got a little… got a little leaky eyes there man,” Benrey said, and suddenly Gordon felt a cool finger wiping his cheek under his eye. He instinctually pulled his head away from the touch. Benrey’s finger lingered in the air for a moment before the alien pulled his hand back.

“I’m fine,” Gordon said with a shuddering breath, pulling his knees up towards his body defensively. Benrey cocked his head to one side.

“whacha uhhh… wha happened in your dream there, pal?” Benrey asked, remaining still. “you were muttering no a lot before you started yelling.”

Gordon shook his head slowly. “I don’t remember,” he lied through his teeth, avoiding eye contact.

“… do you need a hug?” fear gripped Gordon’s chest as Benrey offered this, even if he looked innocent with his arms held open.

“No no no, definitely not,” Gordon responded, trying to keep his facial expression under control to not betray his fear. Gordon reached for his bedside table and took a big drink from his glass of water.

“And no kisses either,” Gordon added pointedly before Benrey had the chance to open his mouth again. Gordon glanced back at the alien, and he looked almost crestfallen. It made Gordon feel sick in the pit of his stomach.

Suddenly Gordon lurched up and out of the bed, wobbling out the door and to the bathroom, away from the alien he was sharing his bed and nightmare world with.

-

Before Benrey really knew what was happening, Gordon was getting dressed and grabbing his keys and phone. When Benrey asked where he was going, Gordon said he just needed some fresh air, and left.

Benrey curled up in the bed, pulling the blankets tighter around him, trying to conserve the warmth. Gordon had looked so terrified in the dark after he had awoken, and equally terrified after turning the light on. Benrey had heard Gordon whisper his name as he slept, which made him maddeningly curious to know what the nightmare had entailed.

Though when he thought about it more, considering what Gordon’s version of a nightmare that contained Benrey might be, maybe he didn’t want to know. Or maybe he already knew. Considering the way Gordon had reacted to the sight of him.

Gordon hated Benrey, and was still scared of him, was the only conclusion that could be formed, even though Benrey had tried desperately not to think about it. The way Gordon had snatched himself away from Benrey’s touch kinda hurt. A lot.

Benrey tried to hold back the tears that pricked in his eyes. The whole not showing emotions thing had been so much easier when he had his shape shifting powers. When he had been pretending to be a security guard, he had set his face into neutral to stop others from reading his expressions.

But now that power was gone, and he was stuck in his normal form where he struggled to hide what he was feeling a lot more. He hated breaking his cool façade, top 10 Benrey cringe moments.

After an indeterminate amount of time lying there snuffling, Benrey felt the bed was starting to cool without his human space heater to keep it warm. He didn’t know how long Gordon was going to be gone. Would he even come back? Surely he would, though Benrey might have slipped into torpor by then.

After a long time Benrey was slightly roused by a movement of the blankets and shuffling on the other side of the bed. But Benrey could no longer move, he was too cold again. After a moment he felt a hand gently touch his back. Then suddenly out of nowhere he was being spooned, a large warm chest pressed up against his back, an arm wrapped around his body.

“You still alive there Benrey?” Gordon’s voice asked softly from behind him. “I’m sorry man, I shouldn’t have left you to get so cold. I hope I’m not cuddling a corpse here.”

All Benrey could manage was to let out a shuddering sigh of relief. Back when he had his powers, he hadn’t been able to feel any discomfort or pain, which included temperature, so the cold had never bothered him. Now, he wasn’t quite sure if the cold could kill him, but it was certainly uncomfortable.

What wasn’t uncomfortable was the warmth now starting to seep into his back. Benrey felt his muscles start to slowly relax as the warmth crept through him.

“Glad to know you are still alive there,” Gordon mumbled behind him.

Gordon was glad that Benrey was alive? Sure, he probably only meant he was glad there wasn’t a corpse in his bed that he’d have to clean up. But still, Benrey couldn’t stop the way the words made him feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Benrey had assumed Gordon was only going to cuddle him until he warmed up, but it had been quite a while now and he hadn’t let go. Listening, Benrey could hear steady breathing behind him. It seems Gordon had accidentally fallen asleep again before he could move away. Top 5 greatest moments of Benrey’s life. Though, most of those incidentally had to do with Gordon Freeman.

-

Benrey sat on his small bed in his room, the room that had been almost his whole world for most of his life. Some might have considered it less of a room and more of a prison cell, but Benrey wouldn’t have understood that, he didn’t know any better. The young alien was waiting for whoever would come see him next. Would they bring him something nice, some food? Would they be teaching him something? Will they take him to another test? His life revolved around those sorts of moments, and he knew nothing outside of them.

Benrey then realised he was sensing something. Something very far away. It was a light, a familiar light actually. He had sensed it many times before, and each time it seemed to grow a little brighter. He had no idea what it was or what it meant.

An odd through entered Benrey’s mind. Why didn’t he just go and find out what the mysterious light was? It’s not like it would be difficult to do. But the scientists had always told him that he had to stay here. They always told him what he had to do. He did what they said because he knew nothing else.

But he was feeling bored, and the light was so tempting. He wanted so badly to reach out and touch it. Perhaps… if he just quickly went and found out what it was… he could be back before anyone even knew he was gone. Then he wouldn’t have caused any trouble, and his curiosity could also be satisfied.

Taking a deep breath, Benrey acted on his decision, and no-clipped out of the room. He stayed within the facility walls in order to not be seen, unless the coast was clear. It wasn’t long before he had made his way to the surface. The sight that met him caused him to set himself down on the dusty ground for a moment to take it in.

The sky was so big. It was endless. And the colours out here. The rich brown of the dirt and bright blue of the sky. So much more interesting than the grey walls of the research facility.

Benrey pulled his attention away from his surroundings. That wasn’t why he was out here. He needed to complete his mission and get back before anyone knew he was gone. He started flying across the desert, in the direction of the light.

He flew a long way, over deserts and forests and towns and cities, drawn towards the light. He ended up at a beach, standing shadowed in the tree line, looking out. Benrey had only ever seen pictures of beaches before.

The light was coming from a very small human. Benrey had never seen such a small human before, he had thought them all to be big. Actually, there was a number of small and big humans on the beach, playing in the sand and paddling in the water. This is what the light baring human was doing too. The little human had curly brown hair and brown skin covered in freckles.

Benrey was about to approach when he stopped himself. All the humans looked similar, but he didn’t look like them, with his yellow eyes, sharp teeth and grey skin. He studied the small humans’ forms for a moment, before shifting himself. He turned his skin a light creamy colour, made his teeth blunt, and his eyes brown. Then he walked out from the shadows and onto the beach, approaching the small human he had been watching.

He stood a short distance away, watching the small brown human building something in the sand. Eventually the human looked up and Benrey and smiled at him.

“You wanna play?” the small human asked Benrey. Benrey nodded and took a place on his knees next to the building project.

“My name is Gordon, what’s yours?” the human asked as he went back to piling and shaping sand.

“… uh… ben,” Benrey said, watching the small human’s hands with fascination.

The human Gordon showed Benrey how to build sandcastles when it was clear he had no idea what to do. He grabbed Benrey’s hand at one point and dragged him down the beach, showing him the different seaweeds and lifeforms that had washed up on the sand. Gordon seemed really happy that Benrey was so captivated by everything around them. He also dragged Benrey over to the rocky part of the beach and showed him the rockpools.

Benrey was completely enrapt in the moment. He felt the happiest he had ever felt in his short life so far. Looking at Gordon’s beaming toothy grin, Benrey felt he understood why the child gave off so much light.

Eventually, and the day grew cooler, the humans started to leave the beach. Some larger humans called for Gordon.

“I have to go now Ben, it was nice making friends with you today!” Gordon said, before running off to follow the bigger humans.

“… friends?” Benrey said quietly to himself, his dark hair being whipped around his face as a cool wind blew in.


	6. Pushing Buttons, Making Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon talks about what to do with Benrey.
> 
> In the past, Benrey visits his friend again.

Benrey woke up alone and chilly in Gordon’s bed. The lack of warmth made his body move slowly as he crawled off the mattress. He found he could finally stand on his left leg.

A thought of panic suddenly hit him. If he could stand and walk now, did that mean that Gordon was going to throw Benrey out of his apartment again? Should Benrey try to hide the fact that his leg had healed so quickly, if just to spend a few more day with Gordon, sharing his bed? If he was kicked out again, where could he even go? Would he really have to hunt squirrels in the park?

Benrey didn’t get a chance to come to a decision when he was snapped out of his panic by Gordon’s voice behind him in the doorway. “Ah, good to see you up and about now.”

Benrey’s body tensed, and he slowly turned around to face Gordon. What the fuck was he supposed to say or do? What could he say to get Gordon to let him stay? However, he noticed Gordon’s expression looked a bit softer than it usually did when he was looking at Benrey.

After Benrey didn’t reply for ages, stuck probably looking like a fish out of water, Gordon filled the silence instead. “Get a move on then, I made pancakes,” he said, before disappearing down the hall.

They ate breakfast at the kitchen table this time, in awkward silence at first. Benrey worked on perfecting his cutlery use technique, after surreptitiously watching Gordon’s example again. He still had no idea what to say.

But he knew he had to try and say something to save his skin, so eventually he blurted out “i don’t wanna go live in the park with the squirrels,” sadly, though a mouthful of food.

Gordon paused mid-motion for a moment, before snorting out his nose and the breaking into a fit of wheezing laughter. Benrey watched on with apprehension.

“Ahhh,” Gordon sighed as he regained his composure. “No Benrey, I’m not going to make you live in the park with the squirrels.”

“… benrey stay with feetman?” Benrey asked hopefully.

Gordon’s face fell, and he looked very pensive for a moment. “I don’t… I don’t know if I can do that. You know I’m still pretty mad at you for everything right?” Benrey nodded sadly in response.

“I’m not sure what to do with you though,” Gordon said pensively as he twirled a piece of pancake on his fork. “Am I supposed to give you back to whatever is left of Black Mesa? Or to Tommy’s dad? Should I report you to the government? ‘Hey, got an alien here, can you come pick it up?’”

Benrey tried to hide his disappointment as he downed the last of his pancakes, hoping the food would block up the sinking feeling in his stomach.

“Can’t exactly just kick you out into human society when you look like that,” Gordon said, biting the piece of pancake off his fork and then pointing it at Benrey. “Then you’ll probably end up in the hands of the government anyway, after the first person you meet starts screaming.”

Benrey just shrugged, pushing his fork around his empty plate idly, avoding eye contact.

Gordon let out a deep sigh. “I guess I have no choice but to keep you here, since I have this feeling that I don’t want the government to get their hands on you. I feel like that would be bad for some reason.”

Benrey could barely contain the excitement in his voice when he spoke, the sinking feeling suddenly lifted from his stomach. “benrey can stay?” he looked up at Gordon with wide eyes.

Gordon glanced away from the alien. “Sure, for now” he said through another mouthful of pancake. “I’ll just harbour an alien fugitive. Not the craziest thing I’ve done this month.”

Benrey punched his fist into the air. “yeah! benny and gordo, best friends forever!”

“Haha, woah man, slow down, I wouldn’t be calling us friends. I barely even know you,” Gordon pointed out, downing the last bit of his coffee and getting up to collect up the plates to wash.

“you wanna unlock benrey’s tragic backstory?” Benrey asked as he watched Gordon intently.

“Maybe later, right now we have some things we need to take care of,” Gordon said as he diligently did the dishes.

“whuh?” Benrey asked, vibrating in his seat from happiness and anxiety.

“Well, you are going to need to take a shower today, but you have no other clothes than what you are wearing,” Gordon pointed out, finishing up and turning to Benrey. “As I pointed out before, I don’t want to see your weird alien junk, so I’m not going to have you wander around the house naked.”

“bro that’s like, the second time you have mentioned my ‘weird alien junk’ in as many days,” Benrey pointed out. “sounds to me like maybe you do wanna see it.” He wiggled his eyebrows in overexaggerated movements.

“No, no no no, ew gross, definitely not,” Gordon sputtered, making an equally overexaggerated gag motion at Benrey’s direction.

“i mean… we have already slept together after all,” Benrey continued, twirling a finger in his hair.

“No! No, we did not! Sleeping in the same bed and ‘sleeping together’, is NOT the same thing Benrey!” Gordon seemed to be getting a bit flustered with his denials, which means he was getting agitated, which was the effect Benrey was going for. Benrey engaged a classic shit eating grin™.

“i dunno man, you were gettin’ pretty cuddly there last night,” Benrey continued to force the issue to push Gordon’s buttons, looking up at him with half lidded eyes.

“I was… I was trying to make sure you didn’t freeze to death!” Gordon sounded very frustrated, and one hand was gripping the side of his head while the other was gesticulating as he tried to explain. “Which is another reason why we need to get you into some proper warm clothing.” He seemed to start to come down from his exasperation when it seemed that Benrey wasn’t going to say anything more about it, just sit there with a smug grin. “And any of my clothes would be too big for you, so I guess we have to go shopping.” Gordon finished, letting his hands drop to his sides.

“get to go to a store?” Benrey asked with delight. Gordon reached up under his glasses to rub his eyes as he nodded.

“However, unless you can suddenly shapeshift again, we are going to have to try and disguise your more alien features first,” Gordon announced, leaving the kitchen and disappearing down the hall. Benrey stood up from the table and leaned on the kitchen peninsula while he waited for Gordon to return.

Gordon came back holding a few items. “First of all, you can’t go out barefoot. I have some socks and casual shoes that might be too big for you, but they will have to do for now.” Gordon gestured Benrey to come into the lounge room and pointed to the couch. Benrey took a seat and Gordon handed him the shoes and socks, which Benrey started putting on.

“This face mask should cover up your teeth. I hear they are all the rage these days,” Gordon tossed a black cloth mask onto Benrey lap.

“does this have gordo germs on it?” Benrey asked, holding up the mask with two fingers. “will my lips be touchin’ where your lips have? kinda gay.”

Gordon glared at him and ignored the questions, moving on. “And some sunglasses will hide your eyes.” He tossed them onto Benrey’s lap as well. Benrey donned the items despite what he had said about the mask.

“woah man how’d it get so dark in here,” he asked as he looked through the tinted lenses, just to be annoying.

“And finally, some gloves to cover your hands and a scarf to cover your neck,” Gordon tossed the last items down, still ignoring Benrey’s attempts at derailment to get under Gordon’s skin again. “If we cover as much of your skin as possible, hopefully people won’t notice.” Gordon then looked over the decked out Benrey pensively, before disappearing down the hall again. He came back holding two large jackets, tossing one to the alien.

“It’s a little cold out, you should probably rug up,” Gordon said as Benrey scrambled to wrap the jacket around himself. Gordon gave him another look over and frowned slightly. “Haven’t you ever learnt how to tie shoelaces?” he asked.

Benrey shook his head. “tying laces isn’t a part of any test,” he stated simply, as if that statement explained everything. Well, to him it did.

Gordon sighed and stooped down to start tying the laces, doing them up as tight as he could to try and keep the too big shoes on Benrey’s feet.

Benrey bounced up and down near the door while he waited for Gordon to grab a few things. Once they left the apartment, he was glad he had sunglasses on, as the sky was so clear that even the autumn sun was very bright to his sensitive eyes. He hopped into the car with Gordon enthusiastically.

-

Of course, Benrey’s little scheme hadn’t exactly gone to plan. He couldn’t just slip back into his room in Black Mesa without anyone noticing he had been gone, since he had been gone for hours, nearly all day in fact. Instead he received the chiding of his life, after a severe questioning about why he had left. The scientists hadn’t seemed to be pleased with his answer either.

Benrey was told that under no uncertain terms should he ever leave the facility again, or terrible things would happen. They made him feel like he had been a very bad, done a terrible. They told him to forget about the boy, that he was unimportant, and it was much more important that Benrey do as he is told and complete their tests.

But, obviously, Benrey couldn’t get thoughts of that day and that boy out of his head, ever after weeks. Though he hadn’t exactly been trying to either. He held the memories close to his heart inside him, and they warmed him throughout. He couldn’t resist the urge to see his ‘friend’ again.

He simply should have been more careful in the first place, but this time Benrey had a better plan. This time he would sneak out at night, when all the scientists were out of the testing labs of the facility, and he would be back before morning.

This time Benrey followed the light in roughly the same direction but ended up standing in front of a 2-story building with a pitched roof and several windows set into its wooden sides. He recognised it as a ‘house’, a dwelling that many humans lived in. Benrey wasn’t sure what to do. He had shifted into his human form, and he knew he could get in by no-clipping through the walls, but he knew humans couldn’t do that sort of thing and that might alarm them.

Benrey spent quite a while in the yard, staring up at the house’s windows, some of which were brightly lit up and he could see shadows moving inside. After a while the lights in the lower story windows began to disappear, then the upper, only one window left emanating a soft blue light, different from the bright yellow ones. Benrey was wondering what his next move should be when he saw movement in the still lit upstairs window. A face popped up in the window, looking out. With Benrey’s night vison he could make out Gordon’s face, framed by curls.

The boy quickly noticed Benrey standing on the back lawn from the bit of light spilling out his window and down onto him. Gordon went wide eyed, then his eyebrows narrowed with focus as he examined Benrey’s form. Benrey stayed stock still, looking up at the small human.

Gordon made some rapid hand gestures towards Benrey, but Benrey had no idea what they meant. Then Gordon disappeared from the window, and Benrey frowned, still standing still. After waiting a little longer, Benrey was about to leave since he thought Gordon didn’t want to play with him, when suddenly the back door of the house opened, and Gordon stepped out onto the porch.

“Ben?” the small human whispered in bewilderment, stepping towards the edge of the porch.

“’sup?” Benrey asked, his heart leaping in his chest as he realised that his friend had remembered his name.

“What are you doing here?” Gordon whispered with an edge of anxiety in his voice, wringing his tiny hands together.

“i… uh… wanted to play with you again, friend,” Benrey explained, taking a few cautious steps towards the porch.

“Ben it’s bedtime! We can’t play now!” Gordon explained with a look of confusion.

“oh… uh… right.” Benrey paused awkwardly, trying to think of a response. “then… uh… when is a good time to play?”

Gordon looked a bit dumbfounded by the question. “You know, like, in the daytime? When it’s light?” he explained, reaching one small arm up to point at the sky.

“oh… ah… sorry,” Benrey, murmured, looking down at his feet with embarrassment. “i’ll just wait here then. until its time to play.” He knew he should get back to Black Mesa before morning so the scientists wouldn’t know he had left, but if he went back without having spent some time with Gordon, he would feel sorely disappointed. What would they do anyway, just tell him off some more?

“What? You mean right here?” Gordon asked, gesturing to the spot where Benrey was standing. Benrey just nodded his head. “No, Ben, you have to go home to your mom and dad, you can’t just stay out here all night!”

“i don’t wanna,” Benrey stated, without mentioning that he didn’t have a ‘mom and dad’, and in fact didn’t even know what those were.

Gordon seemed unsure of how to respond to this, looking around frantically. “Well, you can’t stay out here all night Ben. I guess, um, maybe you should come inside? But we can’t let my parents see you.”

Benrey nodded enthusiastically and stepped up onto the porch next to Gordon. He followed the small human in through the door, and Gordon pressed a finger against his lips to signal to Benrey to be quiet. Gordon led the way as the boys crept through the ground floor of the house and to the stairs. Benrey naturally knew how to move silently, but Gordon managed to make a floorboard creak at the top of the stairs.

“Gordon, honey, what are you doing up?” a female voice called from one of the rooms down the hallway.

“I just needed to use the toilet again Mom! I’m going back to bed now!” Gordon called out, and then quickly pulled Benrey into a room before the voice down the hall had a chance to respond.

Gordon shut the door quickly behind them, and looked like he was slightly out of breath, despite not having undertaken much physical exertion. Benrey was already looking around the small bedroom, taking in all the details surrounding him. Of course, it was just like any small child’s room, with a bed and closet and toybox. But to Benrey it was fascinating, so different from his own simple and rather bare room.

“We can’t make much noise, but um, do you wanna see my toys?” Gordon asked. Benrey nodded, and Gordon opened his toybox and in whispered tones introduced Benrey to the variety of characters inside, from plastic animals to action figures, in the dim illumination of the nightlight.

“Uh, I need to make sure my parents won’t find you when they come to wake me in the morning,” Gordon said after they put the toys away, looking around the room. He suddenly went over to the closet and pulled a spare duvet off a shelf, dumping it on the floor of the closet. “Here, you can sleep here tonight. We can play outside in the morning.”

Benrey crawled into the pile of soft duvet in the bottom of the closet as instructed, and with a feeble smile Gordon shut the door behind him, only leaving it open a crack. This spot to sleep was hardly any worse than his own hard bed, Benrey thought, curling up in on himself to wait for morning.

Benrey didn’t sleep much of the night, he didn’t really need sleep and being in a different and strange place was a little unsettling. When one of the adult humans came into the room in the morning to wake Gordon, Benrey had freaked out and no-clipped straight out of the house and into the tree line at the edge of the backyard. Crouching in the shadow of a tree he watched the house and waited.

A while later he saw Gordon emerge from the back door of the house again, looking around with concern. Gordon didn’t seem to spot Benrey at first, until he made his way across the backyard slowly and eventually spotted him in his hiding position.

“Ben!” Gordon called out, running over to him. “What- I thought- how did you?” the boy stuttered with uncertainty.

“’m sorry, I got scared,” Benrey explained, standing up and then looking down at his feet.

“You shouldn’t have snuck out of the house again; my parents could have caught you and then I would have gotten in trouble!” Gordon accused with a small huff, crossing his arms over his chest.

“do you still wanna play?” Benrey asked, kicking one of his feet in the grass.

Small human Gordon sighed. “Yeah okay, I’ll show you my favourite spot,” he said, seemingly having forgiven Benrey’s mistake.

Gordon led Benrey into the trees, showing him through a wonderland in the small woods. They found mushrooms and bugs and played in the mud next to a stream. The happiness of the beach day returned to Benrey.

Both the young boys heard the helicopter fly by close overhead, some of the down draft from it whipping through the trees and down to them. After looking at each other with surprise for a moment, they tried to go back to their exploration. But not too long afterwards Benrey’s sharp hearing picked up the sounds of human voices calling through the trees. He frowned.

“gordon… you need to run back home,” Benrey stated without emotion. The small human looked at him quizzically. “please and thank you… you have to go now.” Benrey rose to his feet and faced the direction he could hear the voices coming from.

Gordon reach out and grabbed hold on Benrey’s wrist. “Why Ben, what’s going on?” he asked in a small, slightly frightened voice.

Benrey took a deep breath. “just trust me, okay? please?” he looked at the boy imploringly.

Gordon frowned, but then nodded, and let go of Benrey, turning around and running back through the woods.

Moments later the military team burst into the clearing and surrounded Benrey on all sides. Shortly later one of the head scientists from Black Mesa appeared from the trees and looked down on Benrey sternly.

“Benrey, there you are, you had us all worried sick,” the man said, shaking his head slightly. “It seems that your education has been ineffective in controlling you, and we may have to result to more… drastic measures.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not sure how much more I am going to be able to write of this, run out of steam a little bit. It may never end up fully complete or end where I want but I will try to keep going if I can.


	7. Dangerous Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon finally stops to think. He takes Benrey shopping.
> 
> Past Benrey is trapped, makes a friend, and decides to do something drastic.

Gordon had found himself with time to think that morning, inescapable, quiet alone time without much to do. He had managed to untangle himself from the bed without waking Benrey this time, much to his relief. He hadn’t meant to stay cuddled around the alien all night and felt more than slightly embarrassed about it. He was just going to warm him up and then roll over. But as someone who emitted so much radiant heat that he often slept too hot, Gordon had found the heat sink next to him so comfortable that he had accidentally fallen asleep with his arms still wrapped around the other.

‘lol gay’ Benrey’s voice echoed in Gordon’s head, but he shook the stupid thought away. Man, Benrey could really get under his skin sometimes.

In the quiet morning, with a cup of coffee, Gordon finally felt relaxed enough to allow himself to think. To consider what had happened over the past 36 hours. To try and figure out what he was going to do next. Despite the nightmare and the long cold night walk afterwards to clear his head, Gordon felt strangely well rested.

First order of business; what was he going to do once Benrey could walk properly again? Was he going to just throw him back out the door and wash his hands of the whole mess, as he had tried to do the night Benrey showed up? But he lacked the anger now that he had felt then that had pushed him to do such a thing, especially now that he realised that Benrey was basically harmless.

Though Gordon never wanted to admit it, he had developed a bit of a soft spot for Benrey during their time in Black Mesa, well, at least before the whole betrayal thing. Benrey’s antics back then had caused Gordon to laugh on numerous occasions, and he had been on the edge of developing a sort of fondness for the guy, despite how annoying he could be and how anxious Gordon had been. And though Benrey hadn’t hesitated to murder his way through the other survivors of the facility (much like the rest of Gordon’s party), he hadn’t tried to hurt Gordon or the science team except on the two occasions.

Though still rightfully pissed at the betrayal, Gordon now had a better understanding of the motives of both Bubby and Benrey at the time. And he had already forgiven Bubby, hadn’t he? It did seem like Benrey thought the whole thing was some big prank but had assumed it would be a harmless prank. And when Tommy had informed him otherwise, he had tried to make it right by saving Gordon from the military, even if Gordon had been too unconscious at the time to appreciate it.

It did seem like Benrey didn’t understand the consequences of his actions. Gordon thought back to the times where Benrey had gunned down other survivors in the facility, only second later to couch down to them asking if they were okay or trying to heal them. The alien didn’t seem to understand human mortality. That sort of made sense for an immortal, regenerating, sometimes invincible lifeform.

Perhaps he had assumed the humans would just respawn like he did, like they were in some sort of video game. Perhaps the whole situation was like a video game to Benrey, with everyone else just being inconsequential NPC’s. Thoughts like that made Gordon glad that Benrey had never just turned around and shot him through the skull for fun, assuming he would just come back.

Gordon also remembered the final fight on the alien planet Xen, and how Benrey had said that he hadn’t wanted to be bad, but Gordon had made him bad. Had Gordon’s feelings on animosity after the hand incident projected so hard onto Benrey that the alien had thought Gordon wanted him to be evil, and then pushed him to try and live up to that idea? Benrey had also probably been holding back during the fight, after all, Gordon remembered him warning the science team not to shoot at him or he would have to shoot back, and he didn’t want to do that.

Perhaps Gordon had completely misjudged Benrey intentions altogether. He was an antagonistic little shit to be sure, much as much as he seemed to love winding Gordon up, it also seemed like he had been vying for Gordon’s affections. In the middle of making pancakes, Gordon’s face went red at the thought. What if all those insistences on friendship and attempts at physical romantic interaction hadn’t just been to try and get on Gordon’s nerves? What if Benrey had been trying to get closer to him, despite Gordon continually pushing him away and shouting at him?

Pancakes finished, Gordon shook himself out of his thoughts. He may not have come to any sort of solid conclusions but, well, it was nice to have thought through some thing reasonably without breaking down about it. He decided to go see if Benrey was awake to come and have some breakfast.

-

Once seated in the car, Gordon turned to Benrey, who was vibrating in his seat so fast it looked like he was about to blast off through the roof.

“Okay Benrey, before we go, I need to lay down some ground rules, since you don’t seem to know much about anything.” Gordon said carefully.

“bbbbbbbbbbbb”

Gordon used his glare again. So far that had seemed to chastise the alien well enough to get him back on track.

“fine, fine, what’s the word, gordon ruleman?” Benrey mumbled, adjusting his scarf.

“One; stick close to me and don’t run off. Two; don’t talk to strangers.” As Gordon started listing, he suddenly felt like he was dealing with a child. “Three; keep your hands to yourself.”

Said man-child was fidgeting in his seat. “yeah ok whatever, can we go now?”

Gordon exhaled and started the car, hoping this whole operation would go as smoothly as he hoped it would.

It didn’t go as smoothly as he hope it would.

Benrey broke rule one as soon as they got out of the car, running towards the store, forcing Gordon to shout and chase after him. Then he was going up to all the store windows in the mall, peering into each one. He also stared at the people. Gordon was struggling to keep up with him, feeling embarrassed at having to keep calling out his name.

He finally caught up to the alien peering into a pet store window, watching the aquarium displays with fascination. Gordon grabbed onto Benrey’s upper arm using his human hand.

“God damn it Benrey, do you even listen to a word I say?” Gordon grit out in a low voice. Benrey was still entranced staring at the fish, apparently not even noticing that Gordon had touched him.

“You’re not even listening now, are you?” Gordon sighed with frustration.

“check it out, they got lil’ swimmin’ dudes in there,” Benrey drawled out, clearly ignoring Gordon.

Gordon grabbed Benrey by the hand, which finally made the alien turn to look at him.

“woah, bro… if you wanted to hold hands you could have just asked,” Benrey stated in monotone while staring into Gordon’s eyes, raising his eyebrows.

“No, Benrey, I’m just going to hold onto you like a child so you can’t fucking run off again okay? Remember I told you to stick close?” Gordon prompted.

Benrey just shrugged and continued walking down the mall, dragging Gordon behind him.

After a few moments of walking Benrey came to a sudden halt in the middle of the mall, almost causing Gordon to crash into him from behind.

“What the fuck is it now Benrey?” Gordon snapped with annoyance, but of course the alien didn’t answer him straight away. Instead Gordon had to figure out what Benrey was staring at, but when he did, it became glaringly obvious, like a bright white and red sign from above.

“gamestop…” Benrey said with fervent awe, his eyes latched onto the store.

“No Benrey, we are not here to go to GameStop,” Gordon said firmly, planting his feet so Benrey couldn’t drag them towards the store.

“please gordo,” Benrey whined sadly, reaching out towards the store.

Gordon sighed. “Look Benrey, we really can’t afford to get side-tracked here, we need to stay on… uh… mission.”

Benrey’s shoulders sagged.

“… After we go buy you clothes, maybe you can collect the end of mission reward of going to GameStop,” Gordon finally caved, while starting to drag Benrey towards an escalator.

Benrey let out a small whine, still reaching out towards the game store, before crossing his arms over his chest and huffing. “i wanna meet sony ceo jack tretton.”

Gordon looked at Benrey incredulously. “Benrey… I don’t think he’s going to be there,” was all he could come up with in response.

They went into a large department store, where they set to finding some new clothing for Benrey. They started with shoes as they could try them on in the aisle rather than having to use a changeroom. A pair of sneakers and casual canvas shoes went into the trolley. Once knowing his shoe size, they could easily pick out some socks for Benrey. Moving onto pants, Gordon held different pairs up against Benrey to judge a close size before heading to the change rooms.

He felt a bit awkward leading another grown man into the change rooms, and then shoving the jeans into his hands and pushing him into the stall, telling him to try them on. Gordon just tried to pay no attention to everyone around him. Perhaps they may simply believe Benrey was his son. Gordon would much rather be spending time with Joshua at the moment though, but his ex lived halfway across the country.

They repeated this process with some shirts and hoodies, which Benrey seems to prefer more on the loose side. Most of the clothing the alien was picking out was either some shade of blue, or maybe had some black or white on it. After taking a few pants, boxers, hoodies and some shirts, they moved to the accessories. Benrey picked out a blue beanie straight away. Gordon urged him to pick out some gloves, masks and sunglasses of his own, so Gordon would be able to reclaim his own later.

By the time they were standing in line for the self-checkout, Benrey was carrying on with a steady set of complaints, most of which were followed up by ‘can we go to GameStop nowwww’. Gordon had to keep hissing at the alien to shut up while he scanned and bagged their clothing haul. Once they left the store Benrey took off, almost flying down the escalator, leaving Gordon to carry the bags. Gordon hung his head in shame, before following behind.

Gordon caught up to Benrey in the GameStop. It felt like it took literally hours to extract the alien from the store. Benrey acted like he was at a cross between Disneyland and some sort of sacred grounds. Gordon was fine with Benrey picking out some more clothing, this time gamer themed. Actually, a lot of it was PlayStation branded merchandise, including another beanie. However, Gordon let him only pick out one single game. He wasn’t the least bit surprised when Benrey raced back over to him victoriously holding aloft a copy of Heavenly Sword.

After Gordon paid for their goods there was still a while before he could pull Benrey away from the store, enrapt as he was. Had Gordon been shopping with anyone else this would have been a great time to go to the food court to grab a bite to eat. Unfortunately, he thought the other patrons may not appreciate seeing Benrey deadly gnashers on displays as he consumed likely countless doughnuts. They would just have to head back home for lunch instead.

-

The scientists had clearly lost all trust in Benrey and put measures into place to ensure their ‘Biological Entity for use in Neurological Research Experiments’ wouldn’t be able to escape the facility again. Benrey was seated on his small bed with a metal collar around his neck that was chained to the wall of the room. The collar emitted a type of energy with interfered with Benrey’s ability to no-clip (phase out of the material world), teleport or shapeshift. Emitters of this same energy ran all along the walls of his room. They had restricted his movement within the room so he would have a hard time killing himself to respawn.

Time started to blend in this miserable existence, back to the endless loop of tests, but now with even less freedom of movement. They stopped doing any experiments that would kill Benrey as they didn’t want him respawning out of the collar. No matter how much Benrey had begged and pleaded with the scientists, and promised not to escape again, they didn’t remove these security measures. Over time, the tests became less and less frequent. Benrey wondered if they had all become bored of him or found something newer and more exciting to study and test.

Then, eventually, he met Tommy, or ‘Dr Coolatta’. Tommy was nice to Benrey, he listened to him and smiled sweetly where before Benrey had only known neutral looks or frowns of disappointment. Tommy convinced the other scientists to remove the chain to the wall, insisting there was no reason to restrict Benrey’s movement in a room where there wasn’t even anything he could use to kill himself. Tommy seemed to have a lot of influence on the other scientists for some reason.

Tommy brought Benrey presents, slowly filling the room with things other than just a bed, much to the other scientist’s chagrin. A TV and PS1 being included in those things, along with toys, board games, books, a fake plant that Benrey had tried to eat, a small table and some chairs.

Video games were absolutely incredible to Benrey, a whole virtual world inside the TV that he could become lost in. He always looked forward to Tommy bringing him new games and even consoles every now and then, the only way he could truly show his gratitude was through tight, clinging hugs. The alleviation of boredom was the greatest gift he had received, and he didn’t just enjoy the video games but also playing board games with Tommy too when he visited.

Eventually the scientists allowed him to have a computer and access to the internet. They said it didn’t matter what Benrey said online, no one was going to believe he was actually an alien locked up in a secret research facility. This allowed Benrey to dive into the world of Youtube, Twitch, online games and memes, which helped mould the development of his communicative abilities.

The entire time Benrey had still been able to track Gordon’s light. He had watched it for long hours wistfully when chained up. Once he had other things to do, he didn’t spend as much time pining after it, but still kept his eye on it, watching it move around. At one point it went very far away, which filled Benrey with a certain sadness. Eventually it moved closer again though, bringing a form of comfort to Benrey.

And then, one day, the light was moving closer to Black Mesa. And then a few days later, much closer. Until Benrey realised that Gordon was actually in the Black Mesa facility. His heart was in his throat.

Benrey watched the movement of the light all day, his video games left forgotten. He kept hoping beyond hope that Gordon was going to come to his room. But why would he? Why would Gordon even know he was here? Would he even remember Benrey? It had been many years since they had played together after all.

Eventually the day was finished, and Gordon left the facility. Benrey wished he could reach out through the walls to stop him, but he was trapped in his room. He had resigned himself many years ago to never seeing Gordon again, but the proximity during the day had given him an awful hope that now twisted him up inside.

Benrey was further surprised when Gordon returned to Black Mesa a few days later, and then… didn’t leave. Gordon was living here now, like Benrey did?

Benrey eventually had to accept that they weren’t bringing Gordon to see him, that Gordon didn’t even know he was here, and wasn’t here to save him. However, every day Benrey longed to go to Gordon and just… well, he wasn’t even sure. At least talk to him.

Benrey began to formulate a plan to escape his room and go talk to Gordon. But he was going to need help, so he confided in the only person who took pity on Benrey, the only person he could trust: Tommy.


	8. Benrey Gets His Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon unlocks a bit of Benrey's 'tragic backstory'.
> 
> A little flashback to when they met in Black Mesa.
> 
> Gordon loserman sucks at kart racing.
> 
> Nobody can sleep alone.

Benrey spent the whole ride back to Gordon’s apartment reading the back of the Heavenly Sword game case. For all his complaining back in the store, Benrey was actually excited to wear his new clothes when they got home. Though he wasn’t that enthusiastic about Gordon insisting that he shower before wearing them.

Since Benrey didn’t sweat, he didn’t need to clean himself as often as humans did, but Gordon seemed to want to put him on a human cleaning schedule. All he would really be cleaning off himself was Gordon’s sweat and smell from sleeping in the same bed, and he didn’t really want to clean that off. He liked Gordon’s smell.

Of course, the scientists at Black Mesa had made Benrey take showers previously, but Benrey had never had to worry about the temperature of the water before. During this shower he managed to lightly scald himself a few times while playing around with the nobs. Once he got it comfortably warm, he sat in the shower and picked at his leg scab as the water rushed over his head. Until Gordon shouted from the hallways about him wasting all the water.

Benrey chose the dark blue hoodie with the white PlayStation logo on it to wear with some loose-fitting pants. When he emerged from the bathroom Gordon had finished preparing lunch. While Benrey so badly wanted to finally load up Heavenly Sword, he had also grown a new appreciation for food since staying with Gordon, the type of appreciation that those who need sustenance to survive have. So, he sat down to eat with Gordon instead.

“Was Xen your home planet?” Gordon asked as they ate. The question came a bit from left field, taking Benrey by surprise.

“whuh? maybe, i don’t actually know,” Benrey said with a shrug.

“Huh. Well, would you want to go back there if it was?” Gordon asked between mouthfuls.

Benrey shook his head. “didn’t like the vibes there.” That got a chuckle out of Gordon.

“Ah okay. So, where is home to you?” Gordon asked idly as he continued eating.

 _anywhere with you._ Was what Benrey thought, but didn’t say, just shrugged.

“Well… you lived in Black Mesa right? With all the scientists?” Benrey nodded in response. “Did you… like it there?”

Benrey shook his head, then realised something. “oh, are you tryin’ to get benrey’s tragic backstory again?” he asked with a smirk.

Now Gordon shrugged. “Yeah sure, what was it like?”

“… awful.” Benrey said, glancing away. “tommy was the only one who was nice to me.”

“Oh, shit, yeah… I should have guessed that being an alien test subject would suck, especially with Black Mesa’s… flexible ethics…” Gordon trailed off thoughtfully. “So, if you are leaving that all behind, where do you think you’d want to live one day?”

 _here with you, here with you, here with you._ Another shrug. “i don’t know much about how humans live on earth, never properly experienced it.”

“Well, your experiencing it now. How does it feel?” Gordon looked at Benrey expectantly.

 _wonderful. amazing. the best. everything i ever hoped for._ “’s cool, I guess,” he muttered down at his plate.

“Yeah, life sometimes isn’t like what its hyped up to be,” Gordon agreed. “But you should give it a try, you might come to like it. Even if you may have to end up living in a cabin in the woods to no one can see you.”

“would you be there?” the question had left Benrey’s mouth before he had time to process it. He didn’t want to let any of that sappy stuff out, it would ruin his coolkid persona. But making jokes about Gordon doing gay stuff like wanting to see his dick and wanting to hold hands was okay cause it could be passed of as ironic or just plain annoying.

Gordon cocked his head at Benrey. “Would you… want me to be?” he inquired, seemingly amused.

“whuh? pffftt, no, wouldn’t want no lame ass gordon feetman stinkin’ up my cool place with his feet,” Benrey quickly retorted, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Sure thing Benrey,” Gordon said with a mischievous smile as he collected up their empty plates to wash up.

Benrey slipped off into the lounge to start up his game. Eventually Gordon came in and sat down beside him on the couch to watch what he was doing.

“Hey, if you were kept at Black Mesa as a test subject, what was all that you were talking about before the final fight on Xen?” Gordon asked after a while, breaking through the serene gaming atmosphere.

“whuh?” Benrey asked, his attention still on the screen.

“You know, you said you were going to clock off your ‘shift’ with your friend Jefferem and go to GameStop to buy this game from your friend who was the cashier. What was all that?” Gordon prompted.

“oh, ah, yeah, i kinda made that all up,” Benrey admitted awkwardly. “i wanted you to think that I was like, just some normal security guard or something.”

“Oh yeah, just a regular old building sized security guard with added body horror morphing and flying skeletons, perfectly normal. You really had me fooled there,” Gordon teased, physically ribbing Benrey gently with his elbow.

“i was also doing it to aggravate you as well, get you into the proper mindset to fight the big bad.” Benrey didn’t say the last part of that thought; _and you are cute when you are frustrated._ He tried not to dwell on that thought, lest a pale blue flush creep onto his grey cheeks.

“Well, it worked, you really managed to piss me off,” Gordon said in a bit more of a serious tone. That put a halt to the conversation for a few minutes while Benrey kept playing.

“Were you actually friends with that other security guard?” Gordon finally asked.

“whuh? nah, i made that up too.”

-

Jefferem stood at his post next to the door into the lab, tasked with checking personnel before letting them through. He was surprised, however, when another security guard came wandering down the hallway towards him. Jefferem squinted at the other guy as the guard looked around for a moment before taking up a position against the wall opposite of Jefferems post.

“Hey, nobody told me we were doubling security today. Is it because of the big test?” Jefferem asked the other guard, having come to the conclusion that he hadn’t met the guy before. But it was easy enough to meet someone you didn’t know in a facility as large as this one with as many staff as there were.

“uh yup,” was all the other guard responded with.

After a moment of silence, Jefferem asked another question. “Hey, are you new here? Don’t think I’ve seen you around before.”

“whuh? oh, yeah, i just started uh… yesterday.” The other guard mumbled.

“Oh, well, its always nice to have some fresh faces on board,” Jefferem tried to break the tension. “Did you get the memo to bring your passport with you today?” Apparently, a shapeshifting test subject had gotten loose, and they needed to make sure they could identify everyone in the facility while they tried to find it.

“of course I did, did you?” the other guard asked pointedly.

“Hah, yeah, got mine.” Jefferem said as he tried to look at the other guard’s name tag. It looked… blank?

Before Jefferem could say anything about that someone else came around the corner and into the hallway, dressed in an orange HEV suit. Ah, that would be the physicist Gordon Freeman, heading off to the test chamber to start the important experiment today. He was running rather late, so Jefferem quickly stepped over to the door unlocking mechanism to get it open for the scientist.

But before Gordon could walk through the door the other guard stopped him, and started asking to see his passport, much to Gordon’s bewilderment. Gordon must not have gotten the company memo. After a very… strange interaction, and having ‘sweet voice’ blown into his face, Jefferem’s suspicions about the other ‘guard’ that he had been harbouring were confirmed. But he made no move for the moment, instead letting the two of them walk off into the lab after the other ‘guard’ insisted of following Gordon.

After they were out of earshot Jefferem got on the radio to let the brass know he had located their missing asset. They confirmed they would send a team down to the test chamber to apprehend the subject after the important test was finished, as they didn’t want to put the experiment at risk.

-

After some hours of Heavenly Sword, during most of which Gordon was in his room, and then dinner, Benrey had decided to take a proper look at some of the games Gordon owned. When he discovered one was Crash Team Racing, he somehow managed to convince Gordon to play with him. Benrey had played the original game on the PS1 Tommy had given him all those years ago. That experience helped him to thoroughly woop Gordon’s ass race after race.

“HAHAHA Gordon loseman loses again!” Benrey cackled, rocking back on the couch.

“Benrey, you better start working on your sportsmanship or else I won’t be playing with you anymore,” Gordon growled through grit teeth.

“i dunno, how about you just git gud?” Benrey offered with a smirk.

“How about YOU try playing this with a mechanical hand!” Gordon retorted angrily.

“nah it’s not that, you just suck,” Benrey said with a motion of the controller. “you don’t even know how to slide boost properly. you drive like an npc.”

“Yeah well, playing the game isn’t about winning, its about having fun,” Gordon sighed as he watched Benrey’s character, Ripper Roo, dance on top of the podium next to two NPC’s.

“yeah, and i’m having fun; winning,” Benrey stuck his tongue out at Gordon defiantly.

They played some more rounds before one of Benrey’s winning provocations made Gordon rage and throw his controller across the room into an armchair. As soon as it happened Gordon looked surprised, and then looked at his mechanical hand, as if he hadn’t expected to hurl the item with such strength.

Gordon was done after that, retreating from the room while Benrey chortled on the couch. After Benrey had turned the game off and was surfing through some TV channel, Gordon reappeared holding a duvet. Benrey looked at it quizzically.

“I bought you this heated duvet today at the department store, so you can sleep on the couch from now on,” Gordon explained, throwing the duvet on top of Benrey on the couch. “You just plug it into the wall. I’m going to bed now,” and with that Gordon left the room.

Benrey frowned down at the duvet. Fuck, if this didn’t completely ruin his bedtime cuddle plans with Gordon. He sighed and set up the cover, and yeah, it started to warm up after watching TV mindlessly for a while.

Stupid Gordon and his stupid ingenuity, Benrey thought as he turned off the TV and tried to get comfortable on the couch. It was going to keep him warm enough to function, but it wasn’t nearly and comfortable as Gordon’s bed. Benrey tossed and turned on the couch for hours, before getting up and sneaking down the hallways to Gordon’s room.

Even without his powers Benrey still knew how to move silently, it seemed to be an ability natural to him. He managed to get through the door without making a sound, and started tip-toeing around to the other side of the bed when suddenly the bedside lamp switched on, freezing him in place like a deer in the headlights.

“What the fuck Benrey…” Gordon’s tired voice groaned out from the bed. The scientist sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“whuh… how did you hear me?” Benrey asked in confusion.

“I didn’t, I was still awake, and I saw 2 glowing eyes floating through the air,” Gordon grumbled as he frowned at Benrey. “What are you trying to pull here?” Gordon asked accusingly.

Benrey rubbed one of his own arms, looking down sheepishly. “couldn’t sleep, thought i could sneak into your comfy bed without you noticin’,” he owned up.

Gordon let out a long, exasperated sigh, burying his face in his hand, while Benrey stood shifting his weight from foot to foot.

“Fine, hop in,” Gordon finally said before falling back into the pillow and turning out the light again. As Benrey’s pupils expanded in the darkness, he could see Gordon draping his arm across his face.

Benrey was stunned again, unsure for a moment if Gordon had been serious, but the man didn’t look like he was about to sit up and say he was joking. Benrey quickly climbed into the other side of the bed and pulled the covers up around him, already slightly warm from their proximity to Gordon’s furnace of a body.

-

Gordon couldn’t believe how quickly he fell asleep once Benrey was in the bed sapping his radiant body heat. It was almost as if the alien was just what Gordon needed to improve his comfort level, as if they had been made for each other or some stupid shit like that. How sappy could you get really. But it wasn’t like Gordon was even properly friends with Benrey yet, he was still upset about everything and mostly tolerating the alien’s presence, or at least that’s what he told himself.

In the morning, when he woke to find Benrey latched onto him again, he certainly didn’t look down at the sleeping alien fondly, his mouth quirking up in the corner. He didn’t sigh with content and let himself sink back into the pillow again, listening to the other breathe slowly. That would be an absolutely outrageous notion to entertain. Thankfully there was no one around to witness these things definitely not happen.

“you watchin’ me sleep bro?” the question snapped Gordon out of his state of relaxation. Benrey was smiling impishly up at him.

“Fuck no Benrey!” Gordon yelled while shoving Benrey roughly out of the bed. Benrey just cackled with laughter as he was pushed and eventually tumbled off the mattress and onto the floor. Benrey didn’t even stop laughing, just hugged his sides as he wheezed on the floor. This caused Gordon to start chuckling too.

Perhaps living with Benrey wasn’t going to be so terrible after all.


	9. Strength and Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua sees Benrey for the frist time.
> 
> Gordon talks to someone about his problems.
> 
> Benrey faces his insecurities in the middle of the night.

“BENREY!” Gordon yelled. “Why the FUCK are your DIRTY SOCKS on top of the GODDAMN MICROWAVE?!”

“whuh?” a small voice came from the couch. Gordon grabbed the socks and stalked into the lounge room, shoving them in Benrey’s face where he sat on the couch gaming.

“I said why are these on the microwave Benrey?” Gordon repeated.

“iunno” Benrey said with a shrug, his face impassive.

“Fucking hell Benrey. I already do all the chores around here while you just sit and play games all day. The least you can do is put your dirty laundry in the god damn hamper!” Gordon growled, dropping the socks in Benrey’s lap.

Benrey gave Gordon a look like an injured animal. “ok, no need to shout, gordon shoutman.”

“Well I’m shouting because I think you are purposefully trying to drive me nuts again!” Gordon made a loud noise of frustration and stormed off, back to his room, forgetting whatever he was going to do in the kitchen.

Gordon sat back down in front of his laptop, still fuming. He had only had Benrey in the house for a week and already he was infuriated daily at the alien. After sitting for a moment, Gordon remembered why he had gone into the kitchen. He had meant to grab another cup of coffee before he sat down for an online video chat with his ex and his son. Oh well, his coffee addiction would just have to wait, he didn’t want to go out into the kitchen again at the moment.

Instead he got himself set up online and waited for his ex to start the call. When Joshua’s face appeared on the screen, sitting on Sarah’s lap, Gordon was overcome with a feeling of relief.

“Hi Sarah, hi there Joshie!” Gordon beamed, waving at them through the screen.

They made various small talk for a while, before Sarah set her laptop down on the floor and Joshua in front of it, so the little man could spend some solo time talking to his dad. Joshua kept disappearing from view as he ran back and forth to show his dad various things, mostly drawings he had made or his favourite toys. Gordon showed great appreciation for each item of the show and tell, especially praising his son on his crayon ‘masterpieces’.

“yo, what’s that?” the monotone voice from behind Gordon startled him. Gordon whipped around to see Benrey peering at the screen over his shoulder.

“Daddy… who’s that?” Joshua said in a small voice, which caused Gordon to turn his attention back to the screen. Joshua was wide eyed and looking a bit scared. Gordon glance back behind him, seeing Benrey smiling at the screen, showing off his shark teeth, the grey skin around his glowing yellow eyes crinkling with a smile.

“No no Joshie, don’t be scared, this is just… um… the monster that lives under my bed,” Gordon quickly came up with an explanation that the 4-year-old might understand. He then turned to shoot a meaningful glare at the ‘monster’, who didn’t seem at all phased by it.

“more like the monster that lives in your bed,” Benrey taunted, then laughing as Gordon tried to push him out of frame of the webcam.

“You see Joshie,” Gordon said as he gave Benrey an almighty shove that caused the alien to fall onto his ass and out of frame for a moment, “the monsters under your bed don’t actually want to hurt you. They can be a bit annoying at times,” he tried to shove Benrey’s head down as the other attempted to pop back up into frame, “but they are actually harmless.”

Joshua laughed and clapped his little hands together as he watched his dad fruitlessly wrestle with the monster, who was also cackling.

“Benrey can you just fu-… go away, I’m trying to talk to Josh here!” Gordon was now trying to push the alien out the bedroom door.

“is that your son?” Benrey asked as he was pushed into the hallway. “looks a bit sh-” the door was slammed in his face before he could finish. Gordon returned back to his seat.

Joshua squealed with laughter. “Funny monster!” he told his dad. Gordon sighed and shook his head with a smile.

-

“Why don’t we start with you telling me a bit about why you are here,” Dr Reed asked Gordon, looking over the top of her small rectangular glasses at him, pen at the ready.

Gordon sighed. “Ok, so I am going to have to tell you straight up that I won’t be able to say what actually happened, because you would never believe me and would probably think I was insane. Even though it definitely happened, and I just need some help to, I don’t know, get over it all I guess.”

“What would you like to tell me then Gordon?” she asked after a moment of thought.

“I can give you a vague outline. There was a massive indecent in my workplace. Most of the staff were killed. I had to… struggle… to survive it. I lost my hand. Someone who I thought was a friend tried to kill me. And then he shows up to my apartment with nowhere else to go and now he’s living there and leaving his god damn dirty socks on top of my microwave!” Gordon explained with increasing exasperation.

Dr Reed looked to be the sort of person who kept their emotions always in check, wishing to display a cool and calm outer exterior. But even her eyes widened as Gordon explained, pen going loose in her fingers as she tried to comprehend what he had just told her. She composed herself quickly again though, but Gordon had noticed the slip.

“That certainly sounds like an… ordeal, Dr Freeman.” She finally said. “Let’s try to… break things down a bit. This person hurt you badly, yes?” Gordon nodded. “So why exactly are you allowing them to stay with you? Were you very… close, before the incident?”

“No, I actually only met him moments before the whole thing happened. I tried to get rid of him when he showed up in… I mean, at my apartment. But then I felt guilty about shooting him, so I let him stay.” Gordon explained.

“You… shot this person?” The therapist asked quizzically.

“Oh… yeah, I mean, he uh, broke into my apartment in the middle of the night. And I was still so mad about what he had done to me, so I shot him in the leg.” Gordon paused for a moment. “D-don’t worry though, he’s fine now.”

“Okay…” Dr Reed said pensively, scribbling some notes. “So, what do you feel about this person now Gordon?”

“Well, I’m still angry at him, I haven’t forgiven what he did to me. And he’s so damn annoying, he’s always trying to get on my nerves on purpose.” Gordon said.

“Has this person… explained themselves to you? Do you know why they tried to kill you? Have they apologised?”

Gordon exhaled. “As strange as this sounds, I don’t think he actually meant to hurt me. It’s like, he didn’t understand what he was doing.” Gordon was struggling to answer the questions without giving the whole story. “I don’t think he is capable of an apology when he doesn’t even truly understand that what he did was wrong. It was justified in his mind, at least at the time.”

“I see. Have you tried to make him understand why he hurt you?” Gordon only nodded in response. It was hard to explain to anyone Benrey’s peculiar way of seeing things. Gordon himself was only just starting to understand it.

The doctor scribbled some more notes. “Before we continue this conversation, would you be comfortable naming this person, so we can talk about them more easily? Or giving them a pseudonym?”

“Oh, yeah sure, I guess it doesn’t matter if I tell you that. His name is Benrey.”

“Hrm, that’s an unusual name.” she remarked, making a note of it.

“He’s an unusual guy,” Gordon said, thinking that was the understatement of the year.

“So, this Benrey… what do you think he wants from you Gordon?” the therapist continued.

“Well, he seems to be under the impression that we are best friends or something. He kept saying that, even when he was trying to kill me. He also kept talking about us ‘playing in the sand and mud’ which is complete nonsense to me.”

“Do you think this insistence of a pre-existing friendship is his way of trying to facilitate feelings of such a relationship with you?” When Gordon cocked his head, she clarified. “Do you think he desperately wants to be your friend?”

“Oh yeah, I think so. I mean, I used to think he was just saying that stuff to fuck with me, but he has kept it up even now and sounds genuine about it,” Gordon confirmed. “Like he used to always try to ask for hugs and kisses during the time we were trying to survive the incident together,” Gordon’s face flushed, “or… uh… trying to peck me on the cheek.” He covered his face with mortification.

Dr Reed raised an eyebrow. “Does Benrey still ask for those things now?” Gordon nodded, cringing.

“Dr Freeman, there is only so many conclusions I can come to with the information you have presented me, without hearing the full story. So, forgive me for being blunt, but do you think it’s possible that this Benrey fellow might be genuinely interested in you romantically?” Gordon groaned and his shoulders sank in response. Of course, that was the conclusion he had been trying to avoid, despite the evidence.

“So, then, how do you feel about h-”

“No, nope, we are not going there. This topic is ending right now,” Gordon insisted, crossing his hands in front of him.

“Alright, that’s fine Dr Freeman, we won’t broach any topics you are uncomfortable with. However, if I could probe into an adjacent topic; are you currently involved in a romantic relationship with anyone?” she asked gently.

Gordon shook his head, relaxing slightly. “I used to be with this girl during my MIT days. Her name was Sarah. We broke it off when I left for Austria, and a month later she informed me she was pregnant,” talking about Joshua’s conception was easier that addressing the previous topic, the flush slowly leaving Gordon’s cheeks. “She wanted to have the baby and I said it was fine, it was her body and she had the right to decide what to do with it.”

“So you have a child then?” the therapist asked with interest, pressing the end of her pen to the corner of her mouth.

Gordon nodded in response. “Joshua is 4 years old now. I have only met him once in person, when I flew back to the US to take a job down here in New Mexico.” Meeting his son had been one of the happiest moments of Gordon’s life, and now he wished he had stayed rather than coming to Black Mesa.

“Are you still employed at the moment?” Dr Reed asked. Gordon shook his head.

“No, I think that whole research facility is now defunct,” he said with some satisfaction. “I’m just receiving workers compensation from them because of my hand.” He held his mechanical wrist with his human hand for a moment.

“Hrm, do you see yourself returning to work in the future, Dr Freeman?”

Gordon shrugged. “Perhaps I could get back into research one day. Maybe I will go back to academia. Their progress may be slow, but it’s a lot safer than what I was doing here. I might even move back to Massachusetts, so I can be close to Josh. Get a lecturing position. There’s nothing left for me here anyway.”

“If you moved back and could see your son more, do you think that could improve your mental wellbeing?”

“Yeah. Plus, I think it would be good to be able to start being a proper dad to him, not just a distant one that’s always so far away.”

“If you moved back to Massachusetts, what would happen to Benrey?” the therapist asked.

It was an innocent enough question, but it made Gordon’s insides turn. “I… don’t know,” he answered truthfully.

-

Getting to talk with someone about everything that had happened to him and what he was feeling had left Gordon’s feeling mostly relieved. It had helped him clarify a few things as well. While it wouldn’t instantly fix all his problems, Gordon now felt a little better prepared to face things and take the next steps.

When Gordon got home, he opened the door to the apartment to find Benrey standing right in the entrance, staring up at him.

Gordon blinked in surprise. “Benrey? Have you been standing there this whole time?” he assumed.

“no… just wanted to surprise you, a little prank,” Benrey said, scuttling back onto the couch and unpausing his game.

“Ah well, I guess it worked then, I was a little surprised,” Gordon admitted as he hung up his coat and threw his keys on the counter.

Benrey was concentrating on his game with his tongue out again, which Gordon definitely did not think was kind of adorable in any way, oh god why was he thinking that stop thinking that.

Gordon decided to sit by Benrey and watch him game while going over his thoughts from the day. They had dinner, and then watched a stupid video game movie afterwards when Benrey whined and wrestled for the remote until he got his way.

Gordon had given up on trying to get Benrey to sleep on the couch, instead he allowed the alien to jump straight into bed with him. Gordon spent a while browsing his phone while sitting in bed, until Benrey complained that he should put it away and go to sleep already. Gordon felt a bit too distracted by his thoughts to sleep but laid down and close his eyes anyway. After some more time analysing his upcoming decision, he felt Benrey not too subtly press up against his side.

Gordon exhaled. What was he going to do with his alien roommate?

-

Benrey was strapped to the testing chair, like he had been so many times before. He was dressed in his plain cotton garments, the familiar collar around his neck, with various electrodes stuck to his head. He watched the scientists move around him with a weary boredom, until he suddenly realised there was something different about the testing room. Usually a large mirror occupied the wall of the room that Benrey’s chair faced. Benrey had figured out it was one-way glass before, so people uninvolved with the test could watch on. But now, it was simply normal glass.

Through the glass Benrey could see two men in uniform, and someone in a bright orange hazard suit knelt on the ground between them. Gordon’s head hung forward, his curly hair spilling down around his face.

“Engage your pain receptors,” one of the scientists commanded Benrey, holding a scalpel in one gloved hand. This was something that had been regularly demanded of Benrey when they performed tests on him. It was possible for him to just sit there and let them cut him open without feeling a thing. But they wanted to measure neurological pain responses in many of their tests, which meant convincing Benrey to allow himself to feel the pain.

In the past they had used threats of taking away the gifts Tommy had given him, like the video games, in order to persuade Benrey to cooperate. It had worked well enough, as avoiding pain had not been worth it to lose his entertainment privileges.

This time though… “Benrey, are you listening?” The scientist asked. “You will engage your pain receptors, or we will hurt Dr Freeman.”

Time seemed to slow down for Benrey. No, this couldn’t be happening. Not again. He had finally been happy, and now he was back here. And Gordon was in danger, because of him.

“Benrey,” the scientist growled, glancing over at the window and starting to motion to the uniformed men.

“wait, no, okay, i’ll do it, don’t hurt him!” Benrey cried out, his breath starting to come out short and fast. He squeezed his eyes shut and ‘turned on’ his ability to feel pain. When he opened them, the scientist was making the first incision into Benrey’s arm. Benrey gasped and winced with the pain.

Suddenly the room around Benrey vanished, and the scientists and the chair as well, dropping him onto the floor on his knees. He grabbed his forearm which was still burning with pain and he looked around him. Everything was shrouded in darkness around him, except the person standing over him. Gordon.

Benrey gazed up at the man in reverence, so relieved that he hadn’t been hurt. But Gordon was scowling down at Benrey.

“Look at you, pathetic,” Gordon said venomously. Benrey looked up at him with shock from where he knelt on the floor. His heart started to ache.

“What a wretched freak you are,” Gordon continued, spite lacing his words. “Nobody could ever like you. Everyone despises you.”

Tears started to well up in Benrey’s eyes and a sob escaped his throat.

“I will never love such a pitiful creature. I wish I had never met you,” Gordon finished, and turned and started walking away into the darkness.

“no… no…” Benrey gasped out as the sobs came harder, his entire body shuddering. He leaned forward and reached out towards Gordon as the other disappeared into the inky blackness.

Benrey couldn’t hold back the tears as he sobbed alone in the darkness. They poured in great big bubbles from his face, like heavy sweet voice. As he wailed, the non-existent room started to fill up with the tears, and suddenly he was plunged under salty water. He tried to swim but couldn’t see which way was up. He choked on the liquid, filling his lungs with burning agony.

“Benrey!”

Benrey opened his eyes. The darkness around him was filled with glowing round bubbles. They illuminated the bedroom. He was sat up in bed, and Gordon was gripping his shoulders. Benrey took a moment to process the look of distress and concern which laced Gordon’s features. Another bubble escaped Benrey’s mouth like a hiccup.

“gor-don?” Benrey managed to push out through some more bubbles.

“You awake now Benrey? You can hear me?” Gordon asked fretfully. Benrey nodded as he tried to calm his breathing and control the bubbles.

“hey… my… sweet voice is back…” he murmured, watching the bubbles float around him with his eyes slightly unfocused.

“What happened there Benrey? Was that some sort of nightmare?” Gordon asked.

Benrey smacked his lips, and then sang out some sad little bubbles. Then the tears started rolling down his face again.

Suddenly he was being pressed up against Gordon’s chest, arms wrapped tightly around him. Gordon was comforting him with words like ‘it’s okay’ and ‘I’ve got you’. Benrey let out a half sigh, half sob, as he buried his face in Gordon’s shoulder.


	10. Enlightenment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon tries to learn more about his roommate.

Benrey wasn’t able to, or perhaps didn’t want to, tell Gordon about his nightmare. So, Gordon had just held him until the alien had fallen asleep again. His empathy had just taken over when Benrey had started to cry. Stupid Gordon Softman.

In the morning Benrey was playing Crash Team Racing whilst singing bubbles that filled the lounge room. Gordon made them breakfast, as he always did, while listening to the sounds. Seems Benrey was wasting no time using his first returned power. This thought made Gordon’s chest tighten. If the sweet voice had returned, what were the chances of Benrey regaining his other powers? Would he become an invincible, unkillable asshole again? Would he become no longer reliant on Gordon, pulling the power dynamic back his way and stripping Gordon of control? These thoughts were worrying. He greatly preferred harmless Benrey, even felt safe around him.

When having breakfast on the couch, Gordon determined it was time to broach that topic, along with some others, with Benrey.

“So, you got your sweet voice back, anything else?” Gordon asked quite bluntly. It was better to ask Benrey direct, easy to interpret questions if you wanted a solid answer out of him.

“whuh? hrm, dunno,” Benrey said thoughtfully. “my, ah, leg is all healed up now?” he offered.

“Yeah, but even powerless your body seemed to heal better than humans do, so I don’t know if that means anything. Have you tried to use your other powers at all?” Gordon prompted.

“hrm, let me see,” Benrey said, and slapped his hand down on the armrest. “nope, still solid.” Then he brought his hand up near his face and stared at it intently. Benrey’s claw like fingernails elongated slowly. “oh, cool, some shape shifting. but… it’s hard.”

As Benrey returned his nails to their usual length with some concentration, Gordon shuffled in his seat uneasily as his fears had been somewhat confirmed. He pushed down the slight panic that was rising in his throat. “Yeah… cool…”

Benrey glanced up at Gordon, and then quickly looked away with a frown. Oh no, had Gordon betrayed his emotions on his face? He needed to keep it together better. He decided to change the topic.

“So, Benrey, I’ve decided to move to another state. I’m going to give my landlord notice today,” Gordon said.

Benrey cocked an eyebrow at Gordon. “where’re we goin’?”

Gordon snorted as he tried to stifle a chuckle. “Did you just assume that I am going to take you with me?” he asked.

“feetman wouldn’t leave his best friend behind, would he?” Benrey asked earnestly.

Gordon exhaled. “Well Benrey, I don’t know if you will want to come. I’m moving to Massachusetts. It’s a little colder than New Mexico.”

“huh? why you gotta move to massive-shoes-its?” Benrey asked with a pout.

“Because that’s where my ex and my son live. I want to be closer to them so I can be a proper dad to Joshua.” Gordon explained. “I only moved to New Mexico to take a job at Black Mesa, and only rented this apartment to have somewhere to go on weekends and holidays.”

“can’t your lame ass son move here…” Benrey whined dejectedly.

“No Benrey. I’m moving to Massachusetts. If you want to stay here, you can stay. Like I said, I didn’t think you’d want to come.” Gordon said with a shrug.

Benrey seemed to think for a moment. “no… benrey will come with feetman to match-a-shoe-set,” he finally said.

Gordon had been somewhat hoping that Benrey wouldn’t want to come, that he would stay behind, and Gordon could move on. But another part of him, a much deeper, more secret part, had been hoping Benrey would move with him. He couldn’t seem to squash that part, no matter how hard he tried.

-

Later that day Gordon had made plans to go and visit Tommy. He wanted to talk with someone who knew more about Benrey, and he remember that Benrey had mentioned Tommy being nice to him at Black Mesa, so they had known each other there for a time at least. He decided to visit the scientist in person rather than conversing over the phone as he didn’t want Benrey to overhear the conversation. Tommy had been quite accommodating to the idea.

At Tommy’s place Gordon had been greeted by a very large, enthusiastic golden retriever who wanted to slobber all over his hands as he tried to pat her. He was also greeted by a very tall, enthusiastic scientist, who pulled Gordon into a hug. Tommy had invited Gordon to sit at his table and talk over beverages. Gordon asked for a coffee. Tommy had a soda, naturally.

“It’s so good to- good to see you again Mr F-Freeman!” Tommy stuttered with a smile. “You look a lot b-better than the last time we- the last time we spoke.”

“Yeah, I feel a lot better now Tommy,” Gordon agreed, though didn’t mention the slight bit of PTSD he had been experiencing. “You look good too. I see you kept the hat,” Gordon nodded at the propeller topped headwear. Gordon was a bit thrown by seeing Tommy in casual clothes, as when he thought of the science team, he always pictured them in their lab coats. He wondered if they always pictured him in the HEV suit.

“Y-yeah, it’s pretty cool,” Tommy agreed, blushing a little. “S-so what did you want to talk- to talk about with me, Mr Freeman?”

“Ah, cutting to the chase then. Yes, well, I wanted to try and learn a bit more about Benrey,” Gordon explained, “you knew him at Black Mesa yeah?”

Tommy looked puzzled. “B-but why do you wanna know about Benrey, M-Mr Freeman? We already defeated him, re-remember?”

Oh, that’s right. Gordon hadn’t actually mentioned to any of the science team yet that Benrey had reappeared and been living with him. Bubby and Coomer hadn’t visited again after the first time, and he gathered from their Facebook posts that they were travelling around the country and getting up to all sorts of mischief.

“Ah, right, okay. Well, you see, the thing is Tommy… Benrey is back. And he’s living in my apartment.” Gordon stated plainly.

It took a while for Tommy to process this information, giving Gordon a blank look as he probably tried to formulate his response. “O-oh. I see.”

“Yeah, well, he seems to have lost his powers at the moment, so he hasn’t done any damage.” Gordon clarified. “He’s still annoying though.”

“Yeah, w-well, I know- I know Benrey. We were f-friends,” Tommy said after another long pause.

“How long had you been working with him in Black Mesa?” Gordon inquired.

“Oh, I met Benrey at Black Mesa seven- seventeen years ago Mr Freeman,” Tommy responded a bit faster this time.

“Seventeen years?” Gordon said in somewhat disbelief. “So, you got your PhD before you were twenty?”

“Y-yeah Mr Freeman. I’m really– I’m really smart,” Tommy said.

“Well, I mean, that much is clear, after all, you created the perfect dog,” Gordon said, reaching down to give Sunkist a pat where she was lying at his feet, her massive form reaching up to his knees even when she was prone.

“Ye-yeah! Sunkist is the- is the perfect dog, and she- she will never die!” Tommy exclaimed proudly, gazing down at his creation.

“She sure is,” concurred Gordon, rubbing the retriever around the ears. “How old was Benrey when you met him?” he asked.

“Oh, I think- I think Benrey was about, ten, maybe,” Tommy said. So, that meant he was the same age as Gordon. How strange.

“Right. And Xen is Benrey’s home planet, right?” Gordon continued.

Tommy shook his head. “No Mr- Mr Freeman. Benrey was- Benrey was made here on E-Earth,” he clarified.

Gordon was thrown a bit. “What? But I thought he was an alien, and his powers went all crazy on Xen after all.”

“Benrey was- Benrey was made in Black Mesa Mr Freeman,” Tommy explained. When Gordon gave him a wide-eyed quizzical look, the scientist continued. “They were ex-experimenting with combining alien DNA with human DNA, after they- after they got some alien sa-samples from Xen.”

“So… Benrey is half human? And he, really lived his whole life as a test subject inside Black Mesa,” Gordon mused gravely.

Tommy nodded. “I guess he- he doesn’t know, if he didn’t tell you. First they- first they were using a bit of alien DNA. That’s how they- how they m-made the- the prototypes.”

“Wait, so Bubby is part alien too?” Gordon asked with disbelief.

“Y-yeah, didn’t you notice his sharp- his sharp teeth Mr Freeman?” Tommy asked incredulously.

“Oh, yeah I guess so. That, uh, makes a lot of sense actually,” Gordon accepted. “What about Dr Coomer, and his clones?”

“Oh no, the Coo-Coomer clones are just human,” Tommy said. “They found that Dr Coomer was a- was a very good scientist, he was very h-helpful, even with his Tourette’s. When they needed more lab assistants, they cloned hi-him, just removing the- the speech impediment.”

“God Black Mesa’s experiments are so weird,” Gordon thought aloud.

“First, they made the perfect scientist, Bubby, and then they- and then they wanted to try and make the perfect lifeform. The perf-perfect w-weapon,” Tommy continued to explain.

“Weapon? Of course, there were military interests involved, why wouldn’t they be,” Gordon said with a sigh.

“Y-yeah, but, though they- they succeeded in making the perfect lifeform, sorta, they uh, they c-could only do it once.” Gordon gave Tommy a questioning look after that statement. “They uh, they couldn’t replicate Benrey for some r-reason. He was- he was like, a fluke. When they figured out they couldn’t, they were trying to see if they could- if they could at least pass some of his powers onto other beings. But only- only I was able to do it,” Tommy said, looking down at Sunkist.

“Right, so they made the perfect scientist and the perfect life form, and you made the perfect dog,” Gordon said, to which Tommy beamed with pride.

“Ye-eah! I gave her Benrey’s invulnerability, and, immortality, and the s-sweet voice. Though that last a-ability wasn’t part of their perfect life form plan, it just sort of- it sort of h-happened on accident.”

Gordon nodded along with the explanation. “So, they were going to still try and use Benrey as a weapon?” he asked.

“W-well, yes, but ah, you really threw a spanner in the works by- by proving their b-brainwashing hadn’t- it hadn’t worked,” Tommy said.

Gordon shot him another look of confusion. “Tommy, what are you talking about?”

“When- when you and B-Benrey first met Mr Freeman!”

Gordon raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean, like, just before the test?”

“N-no, I’m talking about when you were kids. You don’t- you don’t remember?” Tommy asked with puzzlement.

“Remember what?” Gordon snapped a little bit when he hadn’t meant to, but he was getting a little impatient. Then, suddenly he froze in place.

‘member those days? where we played in the sand? and in the mud?’

Wait… what?

“When Ben- when Benrey was young…” Tommy began, but suddenly Gordon could no longer hear him.

Ben. Benrey. Ben.

Black messy hair. Pale skin. Brown eyes looking at Gordon in awe as he built a sandcastle. Standing outside his window. Running through the woods. Disappearing forever.

“Oh. My. God.” Was all Gordon managed to get out of his tightening lungs.

“Mr- Mr Freeman? Are you alright?” Tommy asked, looking at Gordon with concern.

“Holy shit…” Gordon exhaled, and then ran a hand through his hair.

“What’s wrong?” Tommy implored, rubbing his own arm anxiously.

“I… I just can’t believe it,” Gordon said, his eyes still a bit unfocused.

“Do you remember it n-now?” Tommy asked gently.

Gordon nodded. “I… I didn’t know… I had no idea… I had forgotten. It was so long ago...” he trailed off.

“I guess you were- you were pretty young back then Mr Freeman,” Tommy nodded.

“So what… what happened?” Gordon said, finally regaining his composure somewhat, brought back to the here and now instead of swimming in vague memories.

“I’m not s-sure,” Tommy began with uncertainty. “It was- it was before I met Benrey. They say he- that he was drawn to you some-somehow, Mr Freeman. He kept wanting to leave Black Mesa to- to f-find you.”

“What the fuck…” Gordon asked under his breath.

Tommy shrugged. “Nobody could really- could really figure it out. B-but of course, there were theories. But no, uh, but no evidence. That’s why… that’s part of the r-reason why they offered you a job there Mr Freeman. Perhaps- perhaps if you were there, Benrey would want to- to stay.”

“This is just great,” Gordon said unhappily. “So, I find out my whole life I have been connected to the bastard somehow, and even my career at Black Mesa was related to him.”

“Do you… do you still hate Benrey, Mr Freeman?” Tommy asked innocuously. 

“I don’t… argh, I don’t even know anymore,” Gordon slumped forward and held his head in his hands.

“I think you- I think you should give him a chance,” Tommy suggested. “He’s actually really sweet once you get to know him. And I think- I think he- he really likes you.”

Gordon groaned into his hands. “Yeah, I’ve realized that,” he said.

“Do you- do you like him back, Mr Freeman?”

“Shut. The. Fuck.” Gordon grated out, and Tommy chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left comments on this work so far. They drive me to write more of it.


	11. Rectification

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon goes through some self-realisations about his actions.
> 
> Benrey learns about 'crismas'.

When Gordon returned home Benrey was doing the thing he always did where he stood right in front of the door, waiting for Gordon to open it, like some sad puppy waiting for his owner to come home. But Benrey didn’t see it that way. Firstly, he liked to be straight up in Gordon’s grill for a moment when he arrived home to remind him that he was still here. It was also like his own little weird greeting. Secondly, he felt like he was making sure it was Gordon coming into the apartment, like he was guarding it for him. The apartment guardian, guardian of the apartment, trespassers quiver before him. Not that there had been anyone else coming to the door except Gordon.

When he came through the door, Gordon was staring at Benrey with wide eyes. But it wasn’t the usual glance of surprise he gave Benrey when he saw him in the doorway. It felt… different.

“Ben?” Gordon asked quietly.

“sup feetman,” Benrey said with a grin, and then went to scrabble back over to the couch and his game. But Gordon stopped him by grabbing his upper arm gently.

“I figured it out Benrey,” Gordon said softly. “I remember you.”

“oh? forget me while you were out did you gordo? that’s pretty lame, i thought i was your best friend and all,” Benrey responded, his grin falling away. Why was feetman acting so seriously?

Gordon shook his head. “No Benrey, I mean, I remembered, today, the time we spent together as kids. At the beach, and in the woods, playing in the sand and the mud, just like you had said,” Gordon explained gently.

“o…oh,” was all Benrey could choke out for a moment. Oh. Gordon actually remembered that time? After all the screaming he had done about it not happening when they were arguing on Xen?

“i mean, oh man, that’s pretty funny. also ‘member how you called me a liar about that?” Benrey asked, pulling out of Gordon’s grip. Benrey wasn’t actually mad, but he kind of wanted to make Gordon feel guilty about forgetting. Benrey stuck his nose in the air and wandered back over to the couch.

“Benrey, come on man! I thought you were imaginary, that I made you up!” Gordon implored as he hung his coat up.

“i was real the last time i checked,” Benrey said reproachfully, falling back onto the couch and glowering while avoiding looking in Gordon’s direction. “not everything’s always about you gordon.” Even if everything usually was about Gordon.

“I…” Gordon suddenly looked quite lost and stunned. Benrey using his actual name to drive home the message seemed to have worked.

Oh wait, shit. As Benrey was looking at Gordon and savouring the victory Gordon took in a deep shaky breath, his eyed moistening.

Woops. You laid it on a bit thick there Benrey for ‘not actually being mad’. You better say something to diffuse the situation before this grown man starts crying in front of you.

“what, you gonna cry?” No not that you idiot! Somehow, Benrey couldn’t have stopped the words from coming out.

Gordon stared at Benrey wide eyed, before glancing away, lifting his glasses to wipe his eyes. “No… you’re right. Not everything is about me…” he mumbled, before walking off down the hallways to the bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

Shit shit shit. Way to go Benrey, really blew it there. That wasn’t part of the plan. The plan was always to annoy Gordon, not actually upset him. But then… why did Benrey feel a small sense of smug satisfaction? He quickly shook the feeling away and tried to plan his next move to fix this.

Benrey got up and went to the bedroom door, trying to listen for any sounds coming from the room. He could hear some light sniffling with his sensitive hearing. Benrey pushed open the door and stepped inside the dim room.

“What do you want Benrey…” Gordon snuffled from where he was sitting on the bed, not even raising his head to look at Benrey.

Benrey moved into the room and then sat down on the bed beside Gordon. He fidgeted a bit, trying to think of what to say.

“sorry, i didn’t actually want you to cry,” he finally said, staring at his knees.

Gordon exhaled. “You were right though. I do always act like everything’s about me. If I think about it, I’m way more self-centred than I realised.”

Benrey side-eyed Gordon, cocking his head curiously.

“Like today, when I went to see Tommy. I didn’t even find out how he has been or what he’s been doing since the Black Mesa incident. Has he got a new job? Who knows, certainly not me. I was too busy being absorbed in all my own problems.” As Gordon spoke, he was cleaning his glasses using his shirt.

“And during the incident, I probably treated Tommy, Bubby and Dr Coomer like they were just there to help me escape. As if, because they were weird and… different, they didn’t actually matter that much. They all just kept circling around me and waiting for me to get over whatever current neurosis I was grappling with before pushing me onward.” Gordon used a tissue to dry his eyes before putting his glasses back on, still not looking at Benrey.

“And you…” Gordon trailed off for a moment, biting his bottom lip. “I treat you like you’re not even a person. Like you are some sort of… annoying creature that I have to deal with.” Benrey grimaced slightly. “I take advantage of the fact you are in love with me to treat you like garbage, because I know you won’t get upset or leave.”

Benrey ducked his head a bit. “yeah… uh… you do kinda do that a bit.” He didn’t want to upset Gordon more, but what he was saying did have some truth to it.

“That’s not fair on you. Guess I’ve actually been the asshole this whole time,” Gordon finished with a sigh, resting his elbows on his knees and then his chin in his hands.

Benrey had raised a hand to give Gordon a comforting pat on the shoulder, but then decided against it and lowered it again. “y’know… i wasn’t really mad at you for forgettin’ me. you…” Benrey made a thoughtful ‘hrm’ noise as he paused, “may think that i don’t know anything. but, like, i understand there was no reason for you to cling to the memory of two days like i did.”

Much to Benrey’s surprise, Gordon chuckled. “Oh, but I did. Haha, you don’t even know. My parent’s fridge was covered in crayon drawings of me with my friend ‘Ben’,” Gordon explained with a smile.

Oh. That was… oh. A gentle tingling sensation filled Benrey’s chest. So, Gordon hadn’t immediately forgotten him after all.

“I didn’t actually forget you at all really. I just, didn’t know it was you, since you looked very different. A bit hard to associate a gigantic security guard with a small boy you met more than twenty years ago. So, your insistence on us knowing each other just sounded like nonsense to me.” Gordon said with another laugh.

Suddenly Benrey flung himself at Gordon, wrapping his arms around him and squeezing his grey cheek into Gordon’s upper arm. Gordon let out a small choke of surprise, but then exhaled deeply.

They sat like that in silence for a while, Gordon sniffing away the last of his clogged-up nose from crying.

“Benrey, I’m going to try and do better by you. I’ll try and do better by everyone. Be a better friend, and not such an asshole,” Gordon eventually said.

Benrey let go of Gordon and tilted his head at him while leaning back. “feetman is benrey’s friend?” he asked.

“What?” Gordon said in disbelief. “You are the one who’s always claiming that we are best friends, idiot.”

“hey, what happened to gordon niceman?” Benrey responded to the ‘idiot’ comment.

Gordon playfully punched Benrey gently on the shoulder. “You know I don’t mean it seriously idiot,” he said.

Benrey smiled weakly. “so… now that you’ve got that all figured out, are you gonna cook us dinner?” he asked, jumping up to his feet.

“Am I what… hey hang on. Did you only comfort me so I would get on with making you food rather than crying in here for hours?” Gordon asked cynically.

Benrey just shrugged, and then ran out of the room cackling as Gordon got up to chase him.

-

“We’re going shopping Benrey, do you want to make yourself look human?” Gordon called from the hallways to Benrey who was laying on the couch watching TV. Gordon moved around the house to grab a few things he needed. When he went to the door Benrey was standing beside it. His skin was a pale cream colour and his eyes had whites, with blue irises. His baggy blue hoody obscured his body shape.

“Oh… I had meant, put a mask on. You can do this now?” Gordon questioned, gesturing to Benrey’s face.

“haha, yeah, i got my mojo back, friend,” Benrey said, grinning up at Gordon with normal, blunt human teeth.

“It’s kinda weird seeing you look like this,” Gordon muttered. Over the past few weeks he had grown accustomed to Benrey’s alien appearance. He now knew him better in that form than his imitation security guard one.

“whuh?” Gordon just dismissed the question with a wave of his hand while donning his own coat. Benrey was still wearing gloves, scarf and a beanie, despite no longer needing to hide his features. The relatively mild New Mexico winter days still seemed to affect the cold-blooded half alien.

“what are we goin’ shopping for?” Benrey asked as they left the apartment and made their way to the car, his hands shoved into his pockets.

“Coomer and Bubby are back for the holidays and have invited everyone to Coomer’s house for Christmas lunch,” Gordon explained as they hopped in the car. He would have preferred to spend Christmas with his son to be honest, but he didn’t really see the point of travelling up and back so close to moving up there anyway. He’d get a chance to give Joshua his presents soon enough.

“what’s cristmis?” Benrey asked as they hit the road.

“You… you...” Gordon stared at Benrey in disbelief, “You don’t even know what Christmas is?” it came out almost as an exclamation.

Benrey shrugged, turning to look out the window at the overcast day. “no crismas in any test,” he muttered.

“That is… kinda sad,” Gordon said, keeping his eyes on the road. “Well, this will be a great first Christmas for you then, with all your friends and everything.” Gordon suddenly felt determined to make this Christmas one to remember. After all, it may be one of the last times they got to see the whole gang before they moved to MA.

-

This was one of the few times Benrey had been out of the apartment since turning up and then metaphorically clutching onto Gordon like some sort of parasite.

They went back to the same mall as the last time, but this time it looked very different. The whole place had been turned into a red white and green wonderland. Decorations and lights hung from the walls and balconies and ceilings. The main attraction was a massive pine tree in the middle of the mall covered in fluffy shiny stuff, shiny balls, little figures and glowing lights. Masses of coloured paper wrapped boxes filled the space under this tree. Benrey had no idea what was going on, though he did remember seeing similarly decorated trees in the snowy winter levels of many games.

“you still didn’t explain what crismas is,” Benrey said, looking around himself in wonder as he followed Gordon through the mall this time.

“Well, hrm, Christmas is different things to different people,” Gordon started explaining, leading Benrey onwards. “Let’s say, in modern America, it’s like a holiday where people get together and celebrate and give each other presents.”

“what are they celebrating?” Benrey asked as he followed Gordon into the GameStop, which had many signs covering its windows to proclaim about a ‘x-mas sale’.

“Well, originally and technically, they celebrate the birth of this dude who lived a long time ago who people thought was pretty special,” Gordon continued to explain as he browsed the shelves. “But these days people mostly celebrate family being together and being happy, I guess.”

“gordon… what’s a… a… um… hrmm…” Benrey broke off, looking down at his feet.

Gordon turned and quirked an eyebrow up at Benrey. “Oh… do you want to ask a question that you think I might make fun of you for Benrey?” Benrey nodded in response. “Ah, okay, well I promise I won’t laugh, ask away.”

“ok… what’s a, uh… what’s a family?” Benrey said, feeling himself blushing, glancing away again.

When Benrey looked back Gordon was looking quite stunned. Benrey swallowed hard.

“Well Benrey, to human’s, family is usually the term used to refer to groups of humans who are closely genetically related. Often it refers to two humans who are romantically involved and their children and relatives,” Gordon started to explain, turning back to searching through a rack of printed shirts. “But some people might argue that family is whatever you want it to be, that you can choose your own if you want.”

“so… joshua is your family,” Benrey mused, starting to look at the contents of the shelves around them himself.

Gordon nodded. “Perhaps he, Sarah and I could have been a family together if we hadn’t broken up before I went to Austria.”

“is that what, you want?” Benrey asked, his heart feeling a little heavy.

“Eh, well, I dunno. Not really. I feel like maybe it wasn’t really meant to be. Besides, I think she may have someone else now.”

A small smile tugged at Benrey’s lips. “i’ll be your family,” he offered.

Gordon laughed and gave Benrey a pat on the head. “Sure thing bud,” he said with a smile. Benrey’s heart soared.

“if we’re family, does that mean you have to get me a present for crismas?” Benrey asked sweetly and deviously at the same time.

“Pppffttt, well, I guess it does,” Gordon concurred, and then looked thoughtful for a moment. “But that mean’s you have to get me one too. Here,” Gordon fished out his wallet and handed Benrey some notes. “I hope you understand how to exchange money for goods. Why don’t you run off and find something for me, and I’ll find something for you while I’m also getting something for Tommy, Bubby and Coomer?”

Benrey eagerly took the offered money. “don’t worry, i learned about money in video games!” He exclaimed, clutching the bills.

“Somehow, that doesn’t fill me with confidence,” Gordon said uncertainly. “Oh, and the thing about presents is they have to be a secret until its time to give them, so don’t tell me or let me see what it is!” Gordon called out after Benrey as Benrey ran off through the store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to those who have commented, it is so very appreciated.


	12. Cringe Chirstmas Episode Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey prepares himself for his first holiday season  
> Gordon wins a presents  
> Benrey asks for someone passport at an inopportune moment

Gordon had taught Benrey how to wrap presents by showing him with the gifts for the rest of the science team. Afterwards, Benrey had scooped up some wrapping paper, scissors and tape and scuttled off to the bedroom to wrap his present for Gordon.

Benrey had been going on about how he was going to ‘win’ at presents, as if that was something that was both reasonable to want and an achievable goal. Gordon was already sure Benrey was going to love the gift he had gotten for him. It was very easy to buy for someone who wore their heart on their sleeve in terms of their interests and barely owned a single thing in the world.

Excitement built up in Benrey as Christmas slowly approached. He made Gordon watch so many Christmas movies as ‘research’ in the lead up. By the time Christmas Eve came around Benrey had seemed to become an expert on the subject.

Gordon emerged from the bedroom where he had been video chatting to Joshua and Sarah to find Benrey standing in the hallway, hands held behind his back, sly grin on his face. When Gordon cocked an eyebrow at him, Benrey glanced at something above Gordon’s head. Gordon followed Benrey’s gaze, to see a piece of mistletoe taped above the doorframe.

Gordon shook his head wearily as Benrey closed his eyes and puckered up. Gordon smushed his hand directly into Benrey’s face and pushed him out of the way. Benrey flailed his arms and made some muffled cries of protest before Gordon removed his hand and continued down the hallway. “that’s not fair, you broke the christmas kissing rule feetman!” Gordon heard called out behind him.

After much nagging Benrey had ‘persuaded’ Gordon to make them hot cocoa and sit down for yet another Christmas movie. Gordon had even yielded to letting Benrey huddle up with him on the couch, to make up for ‘breaking the Christmas rules’.

However, this Christmas movie was a bit different from the others standard holiday entertainment fair Gordon had endured so far. Benrey had said he had saved it for Christmas Eve based on the name: The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Benrey didn’t stay cuddled up to Gordon for long once they started playing the movie. Instead, quickly he was sitting up in his seat, even leaning forward with his yellow eyes locked on the screen, truly enrapt. Pretty soon he was murmuring out bubbles of sweet voice through his pointed teeth along to the musical numbers. Gordon smiled softly at the sight

Once the movie finished, Benrey managed to pry his gaze away from the credits, glancing up at Gordon, his pupils enormous. After staring at Gordon for a few moments, he turned back to the TV and picked up the remote. He silently reset the movie to the beginning and started it up again.

Gordon chuckled as he rose to his feet to grab their mugs and take them into the kitchen to rinse out. Within a few moments he could hear Benrey actually start singing along to the opening musical number of the movie. Gordon ended up leaving him to it, retreating into his room to do some light reading before bed.

Gordon must have accidentally fallen asleep lying on the bed while reading on his tablet, because he noticed his alarm clock showed it was the middle of the night. However, there was a distinct lack of another body in the bed with him that he had come accustomed to. A little worried, Gordon got up in the cool night air of his apartment and made his way into the lounge.

Netflix was asking ‘are you still watching?’ on the TV screen. Gordon found Benrey passed out on the sofa, laying on his side curled up with his head resting on his outstretched arm, hand still clutching the remote. Gordon reached out and touched Benrey’s face with concern. His skin felt cold to the touch, and he was breathing very slowly. Gordon shook his head; why hadn’t Benrey used his heated blanket if he was going to stay up late?

Gordon gently took the remote from Benrey’s hand to switch off the TV. They he picked up his sleeping form with ease and carried him back to the bedroom. Benrey didn’t even stir much, or maybe he couldn’t. Gordon tucked Benrey into the bed and crawled in with him, holding the alien being close to warm him up.

-

“gordon gordon gordon gordooooooon it’s christmas, wake up gordon!” a voice stirred Gordon from his dreams.

“H… how are you already up?” Gordon asked wearily as he cracked an eye open to see Benrey hovering above him, practically vibrating with excitement.

“today is the day i get to beat your sorry ass in the game of gift giving, now hurry up!” Benrey had taken Gordon’s hand and was practically trying to drag him out of the bed.

“Ugh, no, Benrey, there’s no need to rush. We don’t have to be at Coomer’s until like, late morning,” Gordon said as he pulled his hand out of Benrey’s grip so he could grab his glasses and put them on to look at the time. 7 am, oh god why. He let his head fall back onto the pillow.

Benrey was pouting at him pathetically. “Ugh, fine, I’m getting up, I’m getting up,” Gordon said in resignation, putting his prosthetic on and pulling back the covers.

“woohoo!” Benrey exclaimed as he scurried out of the room and down the hallway. Gordon blinked sleepily as he rose and put on his slippers, shuffling down the hallways after the other man who was, well, acting like a child on Christmas morning.

Once he reached the lounge room a wrapped gift was shoved into his face. “Oh my god, not yet Benrey, let me have my coffee first at least,” Gordon said, waving the present away as he yawned. He pushed past Benrey and into the kitchen. A few moments later he heard a thump as Benrey must have landed on the sofa, and then as he brewed his coffee, the sound of music.

“Good god Benrey, are you watching that again?” Gordon exclaimed as he filled his mug. “Didn’t you get enough of it last night?” As he walked into the lounge room, he saw balls of coloured light filling the air. He collapsed onto the couch next to Benrey and sipped his beverage.

“Present time?” Benrey asked between musical numbers.

Gordon shook his head. “Not yet. First let me get some coffee in me. Then I’m going to take a piss, and then I’ll go get your present,” Gordon said firmly, taking another sip.

Benrey stuck his tongue out at Gordon and then turned his attention back to the movie, now singing along perfectly word for word with the songs. Gordon took in a bit more coffee before he visited the bathroom and then the bedroom to grab Benrey’s present.

Once he sat back on the couch, he was instantly accosted by a wrapped gift to the face again. Sighing, he handed Benrey his gift and accepted Benrey’s offering from him. The wrapping job Benrey had done on the present looked completely amateur and yet as if a lot of effort had gone into its construction. The present was soft and floppy.

Benrey stared at Gordon, making no move to open the gift he had just been given yet. Gordon sighed and ripped into the wrapping paper, removing soft cloth from within. As he held it up in front of him Gordon realised it was a t-shirt with a cartoon rat on the front, dressed in a lab coat and holding a test tube. The words ‘lab rat’ were emblazed above the image.

Gordon broke out into a chuckle. “This is adorable Benrey,” he said with a warm smile. Benrey looked ecstatic. Gordon then nodded to the neatly wrapped boxy gift he had given Benrey, which currently sat in Benrey’s lap. Benrey’s eyes turned down to it hungrily, and he started ripping off the wrapping paper with gusto.

“minecraft?” Benrey looked a bit confused at the Minecraft themed box, which was certainly bigger than a game case. Rather than read the box properly Benrey seemed to decide to just break it open and pull out the contents.

Benrey let out a little gasp as he looked in the box. “aw man, lookit that, is a PSP!” he said, pulling the handheld console out.

“Actually, it’s a PS Vita, Benrey,” Gordon corrected.

“ehh, ‘s same thing,” Benrey said as he pulled the rest of the contents out of the box. “aw cool, a minecraft case. and minecraft game!”

Gordon grinned. “Turn the Vita over and look at the back Benrey,” he prompted.

Benrey did as instructed and let out another gasp. “is a, is a minecraft ps vita!” he exclaimed with glee. “pogggggg.”

Benrey suddenly dropped his enthusiasm and looked sullen for a moment. “aw man, feetman wins at presents. ‘s not fair.”

Gordon laughed. “I guess I did kind of cheat, since I spent a lot more on that than I gave you to get me something,” he admitted.

“gordon cheatman!” Benrey accused, shooting him a glare. Gordon held up his hands in surrender as he continued to laugh.

“What, you want me to return it?” Gordon asked wryly with a smirk.

Benrey gasped indignantly and suddenly gathered all his special edition Minecraft Vita contents in his arms and held it close to his body. “no,” he said with a pout, looking at Gordon warily.

“Thought so,” Gordon said triumphantly. “Now, I better go shower and get dressed up in my new shirt before we have to go.”

Benrey had already scuttled over to an outlet to start charging his new handheld console. As Gordon left the room, Benrey was hunched over on the floor, looking over the game box and carry case and singing happy bubbles as he waited.

-

The car ride to Dr Coomer’s house was quiet, as Benrey had his eyes glued to the screen on his Vita. The guy wasn’t always the best conversationalist anyway, so Gordon had put on the radio while he drove. Dr Coomer had a house out in the countryside, somewhere that might almost be considered wilderness. Dark clouds were looming overhead, and Gordon hoped there wasn’t going to be some sort of thunderstorm.

About halfway there Gordon had come across a bit of a traffic backup and some flashing lights in the distance. Gordon soon realised it was a police checkpoint, probably checking on the sobriety of the Christmas morning traffic in case some had too many the night before.

Gordon nudged Benrey, disturbing the other from his gamer trance. “Hey, put your human face on bud,” he said as they slowly approached the checkpoint.

“whuh?” Benrey asked, slightly looking up from his game. Gordon repeated himself and Benrey shrugged, complying in time for them to make it to the front of the line.

Gordon had hoped they wouldn’t be randomly chosen to pull over out of the line, but of course they were, an officer waving them over to the side. Gordon pulled over and wound down his window and the cop approached them

“Hello officer,” Gordon said with fake cheer.

“Hello lads, where are you off to today?” the officer asked as he stood next to the car window, peering inside at Gordon and Benrey.

“Off to see some friends for Christmas lunch,” Gordon explained with a smile. Compliance, politeness, and a cheerful attitude could help things run more smoothly in these sorts of situations. Also, it was clear the cop was starting off with a question to check for any slurred speech.

“Sounds grand,” the officer said, nodding. “Licence and registration then?” he requested.

Gordon had already gotten them ready as he had been waiting in line, and handed them out the window to the cop.

After looking them over, the cop was handing the items back to Gordon when Benrey suddenly piped up.

“uh, but what about you, sir? you got, uh identification? got your passport?” Benrey leaned over Gordon a bit to ask the cop.

“Huh?” the officer asked in confusion.

“No Benrey!” Gordon hissed, trying to push the other back into his seat.

“yeah, like, are you supposed to be here? you tryin’ to steal something?” Benrey continued despite Gordon’s shushing protests.

The officer narrowed his eyebrows as the looked at the pair, appearing annoyed. “What did you just accuse me of kid?” he growled.

Gordon shoved Benrey back into the passenger seat. “Please officer, I’m so sorry,” Gordon started, holding a struggling Benrey in place with his robotic hand. “He can’t control what he says. He didn’t mean any offense.” 

The officer still scowled at them. “What’s that, some kind of weapon?” he asked, nodded at Gordon’s hand.

Gordon was surprised by the question for a moment, and then held himself entirely still. Apprehension crept through him, but he knew his best bet was slow and safe compliance. “No officer, that’s my prosthetic hand. Do you wish to see it?” Gordon asked, still not moving. He knew better than to point something a cop thought was a weapon at them.

The officer nodded, and Gordon slowly removed his hand from Benrey chest and held it up near the window, rolling his sleeve down a bit. Gordon flexed the fingers a bit in demonstration.

“Huh, that’s pretty cool,” the cop said, his annoyance fading slightly. “Get control of your kid though. You’re free to go,” he said gruffly.

Benrey was sticking his tongue out at the cop as Gordon drove away. Gordon exhaled the tension he had been holding inside him.

“Now Benrey, did you notice the uniform that man was wearing?” Gordon began as he gathered his thoughts.

“i know what a pig is gordon, i’ve played gta,” Benrey said with a huff, crossing his arms and sinking into his seat.

“Alright then. What happens when you piss off the cops in GTA Benrey? What do they do?” Gordon prompted.

“chase you down and shoot at you, duh,” Benrey replied. “’n if you get wasted you gotta go to the hospital.”

“Ok Benrey, it’s important that you understand that if you get gunned down by a cop in real life you don’t get to respawn,” Gordon explained curtly. “Well, ok, maybe if you have your powers back you can. But I sure can’t,” Gordon added.

When Benrey didn’t response Gordon glanced over at him, and saw he already had his head buried in his game again.

“Ugh. Just… don’t piss off cops okay Benrey?” Gordon asked, knowing he probably wouldn’t get more than a grunt in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can give Benrey my childhood special interest and no one can stop me.


	13. Cringe Chirstmas Episode Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey gets to see his old friend again  
> The science team enjoys Christmas lunch  
> Gifts are exchanged

Gordon and Benrey managed to make it to Dr Coomer’s without further incident. They made their way up to the front door of Dr Coomer’s house, which resembled a quaint little cottage in the woods, in the foothills of a mountain range. Benrey was trailing behind Gordon, nose still buried in Minecraft.

Dr Coomer greeted Gordon with a beaming grin, dressed in a massive garish Christmas sweater. “Hello Gordon!” he chimed before enveloping him in his beefy arms and squeezing the air out of Gordon’s lungs.

“H-hello… Dr… Coomer,” Gordon wheezed out as he struggled in the grip, before being let free from the crushing embrace.

“Finally fucking got here I see,” Bubby taunted from a few paces inside the door. He was dressed in a black turtleneck. “Took you long enough. You get lost?”

“There was a bit of a hold up on the road,” Gordon explained as he straightened his shirt and checked for cracked ribs.

Coomer peered around Gordon. “Oh and look, it’s our old pal Benrey too,” he said with a smile.

“Old pal? Howard, dear, did you forget how he tried to kill us?” Bubby snapped in disbelief.

“Oh, is that what happened?” Coomer seemed pensive for a moment. “I just thought we were having a great big friendly wrestling match, no rules style!”

Bubby shook his head in disbelief. “You know what? I guess it doesn’t matter. Gordon wouldn’t have said he was bringing him along if he thought he was dangerous. I guess you guys can come in.”

“Tommy’s already here with Sunkist!” Coomer exclaimed as he led them into the house. At that, Benrey finally looked up from his game, his eyes widening.

Gordon was soon assaulted again by the gigantic golden retriever. But while he was trying to settle her down, he witnessed the odd occurrence of Benrey screeching “TOMMY” and then running and nearly tackling the tall scientist, wrapping his arms around Tommy’s torso tightly. Tommy looked surprised for a moment, but then smiled and pet Benrey on the head.

Benrey started info-dumping on Tommy about what he had been doing in Minecraft that morning, while Gordon joined Coomer and Bubby in the kitchen.

“Would you care for a refreshing soda beverage Gordon?” Coomer asking cheerily, holing up a can.

“Uh, no thanks Dr Coomer. Do you have coffee by any chance?” Gordon hazarded.

“Hello Gor- well yes of course!” Coomer said and set about putting together some instant coffee.

“So, where did you guys just get back from?” Gordon initiated small talk with Bubby as his beverage was prepared.

“Vegas,” Bubby said, “we thought after our good luck of emerging from the resonance cascade unscathed we might put that luck to the test in the casinos.”

Gordon chuckled. “Well, did you win?”

“No!” Bubby exclaimed, almost proudly. “Our luck was fucking terrible! So, we counted cards in blackjack. And got thrown out of the casino!”

“Sounds like you fucked up,” Gordon teased after he finished laughing.

“I’m going to take Dr Bubby to Broadway next!” Coomer chimed in as he offered a mug to Gordon.

“I hope you don’t manage to get kicked out of the theatre too,” Gordon said as he sipped the coffee.

-

A few moments later and Benrey was on the couch showing Tommy and Sunkist his Minecraft world, Gordon was arranging presents under the tree and Bubby and Coomer were getting out the food and setting the dining table.

“You cook all this yourselves?” Gordon asked in amazement once they were taking their seats at the table. He had just finished wrestling the PS Vita from Benrey’s hands, telling him he couldn’t have it at the dinner table.

Bubby nodded. “As well as doing some travelling to see the world outside Black Mesa, Howard said I should put my passion for flames to use in a hobby, and has been teaching me,” he explained while preparing a napkin.

Gordon followed the others in filling his plate, then they all started digging in, which was a messy and loud occasion as usual for the science team.

“Wow, well, you guys seem to be good at everything,” Gordon said in amazement after a few bites.

“I’m very helpful Gordon!” Coomer said proudly, and Bubby gave a smile.

As they started to fill up on Christmas lunch there was more talking and less chewing. Gordon asked the two older scientists more about their trip. He also enquired into Tommy’s life and what he had been doing. Benrey’s main contribution to the discussions was snarky comments here and there.

Gordon helped Coomer and Bubby do the dishes while Benrey and Tommy caught up some more. Tommy seemed to be the only other person in the world that Benrey was really attached to.

Soon they sat around in the living room together, discussing things over sodas. Sitting on the couch, Benrey leaning against him while he quietly played his game, Gordon didn’t think he had felt this comfortable and happy in a while. He was in a safe place, surrounded by friends. They may have been strange and confusing friends, but they were friends all the same.

Gordon had however been a little cagey when they had asked him about Benrey’s reappearance. He told them the basics but tried to steer the conversation in other directions. Especially because talking about it caused Benrey to chime in with things Gordon hadn’t wanted to tell them, like “yeah feetman shot me, very rude”, and he definitely didn’t want Benrey blurting out anything about how they had been sharing a bed, or ‘sleeping together’ as Benrey would probably put it just to embarrass Gordon.

-

They reached the gift exchange part of the visit. Bubby had bought Tommy and Gordon the simple gift of bottles of fireball whisky, which he gave with an evil gleam in his eye. Tommy said he didn’t drink whisky, but Bubby didn’t seem to care. Dr Coomer gave everyone those survival bracelets that could be unwound into a paracord rope. “Look Gordon, ropes! You can use these to traverse big pits!” Gordon had broken down wheezing at that.

Tommy gave everyone homemade cookies, saying that he had made ‘the perfect cookie’. The way he worded it aroused suspicion in Gordon, who subtly asked if the cookies had any of Benrey’s DNA in them to make them ‘the perfect cookie’. Tommy didn’t confirm or deny, just smiled at Gordon. Gordon made a mental note to throw out the cookies later.

Gordon had gotten Bubby a candle in the shape of a hand giving the finger. Bubby’s eyes had lit up when he unwrap it, as much as he hated showing appreciation for anything Gordon did. Gordon had given Dr Coomer a Super Punch Out print t-shirt. Gordon had received another life squeezing hug for that one.

For Tommy, Gordon had given a beanie type hat that resembled the face of a golden retriever, with the ear flaps being like their long floppy ears. Tommy absolutely loved it and replaced his rainbow cap immediately for the moment. Of course, Gordon hadn’t forgotten Sunkist, getting a band new giant squeaky toy for the perfect giant dog.

It felt strange, how the presents Gordon received were addressed to ‘Gordon and Benrey’, and the ones he had given were signed off from the both of them as well. Almost like they were a couple or something. Gordon felt his ears burn slightly at that thought and pushed it back down.

“Look outside Bubby dear,” Coomer suddenly exclaimed, pointing at the window. Everybody turned to look, and saw white flakes floating past the glass.

“It’s snowing!” Tommy cheered, and Sunkist barked as well. Gordon, however, frowned.

He got up from the couch and went over to the front door, opening it and stepping outside. The dark clouds were letting out flakes thick and fast, a light breeze picking them up to spin them through the air.

“God, I hope it doesn’t get any worse as we’re driving down the valley,” Gordon said in dismay, scratching his head. Benrey had appeared at his side and was gazing up at the falling snow with wide eyes.

“You shouldn’t go driving in a snowstorm Gordon, it’s dangerous!” Coomer helpfully proclaimed from just behind him.

“We should really get going now then if we want to get through it…” Gordon fretted, turning around to go inside and pack up.

“Gordon Freeman, you motherfucker, didn’t you hear what Harold said?” Bubby reprimanded him.

“Yes Gordon, you really don’t want to get stuck out there,” Coomer added. “You should stay here where it is safe.”

“B-but-“ Gordon began, but then the two older men were pushing him into the house while Benrey was trying to catch snowflakes on his tongue. Benrey quickly followed though when he realised he was being left behind.

“It’s getting late after all, you can all stay here for tonight and go in the morning,” Coomer reassured with a pat on Gordon’s shoulder before he sat down again.

“Do you even have a guest room?” Gordon asked dismally. The house was pretty small.

“We have couches,” Coomer said blithely.

Gordon sighed. Well, that was at least better than sleeping on the cold metal floors of the Black Mesa corridors as they had before.

“Don’t- don’t worry Mr Freeman, it will- it will be fun,” Tommy said cheerily. “It will be like- it will be like a sleep over!”

Gordon laughed. “Tommy, don’t you think we are all a bit old for sleepovers?” he asked. Tommy shook his head confidently in response.

-

They had settled on staying, now all they had to do was find some activities for the evening.

“Hello Gordon! I took your advice about trying to get into video games, and bought myself the new Nintendo console, the Nintendo Switch,” Coomer explained. “It has a video game on it called ‘Mario Kart’ which I believe allowed for multiple persons to play at once!”

Everyone except Gordon seemed happy to play the kart racing game, Benrey especially of all, though he was trying not to show it. Gordon, Bubby and Coomer decided to partake in the whiskey. Benrey tried some but said he hated it. Tommy stuck to soda. As the evening snowy cold set in, Bubby started a fire in the fireplace to warm them all as they played.

Gordon only partook in a few races, and came last in those, blaming his hand of course to save face, and then later, his buzzed state. Coomer and Tommy didn’t seem to worry about winning, they were just having fun playing. Bubby was fiercely competitive and swore up a storm when the games luck turned against him or he lost. Which was frequent, because Benrey won every race with ease, especially once the rest of them became more intoxicated.

Gordon had known Benrey to be a fan of PlayStation but not Nintendo. He asked if Benrey had played Mario Kart before, and Benrey shook his head. “just got the gamer blood bro. ’m a pro at every game i touch.” Gordon wondered if that was one of his powers.

After a few hours Bubby set Benrey’s beanie on fire for a moment when Benrey had thrown a shell behind that hit him. This promptly put an end to the gaming session, and they decided to watch a movie instead. Benrey huddled up to Gordon for protection as Bubby was still seething at him.

Bubby was snoring by the end of the movie, and Coomer gently woke him to take him off to bed. He came back after a while, arms full of blankets and pillows. He passed them out before bidding Gordon, Benrey, Tommy and Sunkist a good night.

The younger group decided to put on another movie quietly as they settled onto the couches. Tommy and Sunkist were out of it within the first 20 minutes. After some wriggling around Gordon ended up laying on his back on the couch with Benrey cuddled up on top of him, eyes closed with a content smile on his face. He looked much like a lazy cat cuddling up on their owner’s chest.

Gordon didn’t know what caused him to do what he did next. Perhaps he could blame it on the whiskey, even if he hadn’t had all that much. Perhaps it was the endorphin high of a wonderful day spent with friends.

He leant forward a bit a placed a soft, tender kiss on Benrey’s grey cheek.

Benrey’s eyes fluttered open with surprise, sclera glowing in the dim light of the room. He blinked slowly at Gordon, breathing through his slightly parted lips. They stared into each other’s eyes for a while. Then Benrey slowly wiggled up a bit and suddenly caught Gordon’s lips in his own for a kiss.

Gordon’s alcohol addled brain didn’t have time to process what was happening before Benrey broke away and rested his head back on Gordon’s chest again. Gordon blinked in bewilderment a few times, before plucking Benrey’s beanie off his head so he could caress the others dark hair gently. A low rumbling sound emanated from Benrey’s chest as Gordon stroked his hair.


	14. Grudges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon can't face his growing fondness for Benrey so goes back to denial and deflection.  
> Benrey is frustrated with Gordon's actions and tries to hold a grudge against him.  
> Benrey remembers when Gordon held a grudge against him.

Benrey buried his head in Gordon’s chest to hide the blush that had quickly crept across his cheeks. His brain was stuttering. Gordon had… kissed him? Sure, it had only been on the cheek, but still. And Benrey hadn’t known how to react, how to break the tension of the stare between them. So, he just followed his instinct and… oh woops. Wow Benrey, that sure was a thing you did there, real smooth. He had broken the kiss as soon as he had come to his senses and realised what he was doing.

Benrey felt his beanie being pulled off his head. He wasn’t sure what Gordon was doing, until felt a large hand being run through his hair. Oh, that was… that felt so nice. The stimulation on his scalp was so relaxing. Then Benrey felt the rumbling start in his chest. What the fuck was that? He tried to stifle it, but it wouldn’t stop. So, he just let it happen. Benrey wished this warm soft moment could last forever. The best Christmas gift an alien test subject could ask for.

-

The morning light stirred Gordon from sleep. His vision blurred more than usual, he tried to take in his surroundings as he blinked his eyes open. He quickly noticed a heavy weight resting on his chest, and a headache creeping through his head.

Fumbling he reached with his good hand to pick his glasses up off the floor where he had carelessly rested them the previous evening. Now he could properly take in the grey humanoid that was sleeping on his chest between Gordon and the blanket.

This realisation was followed by memories of the previous evening. Especially of just before he had fallen asleep.

Oh fuck. What had he done? No, that was a stupid question, he knew very well what he did. The real question was why had he done it? And what was he going to do now?

He had a few options come to mind. One was panic and make a huge fuss about it. Or he could actually address his actions and feelings like a real adult.

Gordon decided to act like an actual adult; ignore it and pretend it never happened. That was sure to work. Nothing gay about giving your homie a little goodnight kiss. Everything was cool. Just act natural.

There was only one way to get out of this situation with dignity intact.

“Fucking, get off me Benrey, I can’t breathe,” Gordon said gruffly and tipped to the side so Benrey would slide off him.

“wha!” Benrey exclaimed as he was jolted from sleep by falling and hitting the floor like a sack of potatoes, blanket tangled around him.

After a couple of moments of wrestling inside his impromptu blanket cocoon trying to sit up, Benrey glared up at Gordon. “what the hell gordon rudeman?!”

Gordon sat up on the couch and stretched his arms over his head. “You were squashing me,” he said matter-of-factly, reaching to the coffee table to retrieve his prosthetic.

Benrey started to untangle himself from the blanket. “gordo says he’ll be nicer to benrey, even gives me a goodnight kiss, but then dumps me on the floor,” Benrey muttered to himself.

“What- what are you two doing?” Tommy piped in, sitting up on the other couch and looking over at them questioningly.

“Nothing,” dismissed Gordon swiftly, as he rose to make his way to the kitchen to find coffee. He could hear Benrey continuing to grumble as he left the room.

When he arrived in the kitchen, he found it was already full of activity from the two older scientists.

“Hello Gordon!” Coomer piped up from next to the stove. “Bubby and I are making breakfast, the most important meal of the day!” A pan full of bacon and sausages simmered away on the cooktop.

“Oh! That’s so thoughtful of you guys, you didn’t have to do that,” Gordon said with surprise.

“Gordon that’s fucking nonsense and you know it,” Bubby scoffed from where he was setting the table, “we are excellent hosts and won’t let our guests leave hungry.”

“Yes Gordon, now how do you like your eggs, my good bitch?” Coomer asked with a smile.

“Any way is fine to me Dr Coomer. I’ll go and get the others in here,” Gordon said, returning the smile, and turned to make his way back to the lounge room.

-

Benrey had been waiting for Gordon to come back into the loungeroom, standing just inside the door, Tommy fussing over Sunkist in the background. When Gordon had returned Benrey stood right up in front of him. Gordon quirked an eyebrow looking down at the shorter.

If Gordon was gonna have a stick up his ass again, then Benrey was going to be an irritating shit again. Time to fall back on the classics.

“hey, uh, you got your christmas passport?” he asked in a deadpan tone.

“What?” Gordon asked with confusion.

“yeah, like, are you supposed to be here?” Benrey continued, avoiding eye contact. “are you trying to steal the presents? like the grinch?”

“This again Benrey?” Gordon asked with exasperation. Benrey smirked as Gordon rubbed his temple. “Whatever, just come and get breakfast.”

“gonna have to follow you, keep an eye on you,” Benrey said and he followed Gordon to the kitchen, a bit disappointed he hadn’t got more of a rise out of Gordon.

During breakfast discussion Benrey took every chance he could to provoke Gordon as a form of petty revenge. After a while it was clear he was getting on Gordon’s nerves by the way Gordon was clenching his jaw and scowling.

Eventually Tommy ushered Benrey away from the table and took him and Sunkist outside to play in the fallen snow, probably before Gordon snapped and launched himself across the table to strangle Benrey. Benrey complied as he was satisfied with his work.

Of course, Benrey had never seen fallen snow in real life, only in video games. And video games never really conveyed how cold snow was. Luckily Tommy had made Benrey rug up in his heated jacket (which Gordon had bought for him) before they went outside.

The giant golden retriever took the lead in bounding through the fluffy white layer that had settled on the ground, kicking up clumps of snow as she went. At first Benrey found the brightness of the white world around him blinding and fumbled in his pocket for his sunglasses. The tinted lenses made the sight bearable.

Just taking in the small things, like how the snow hand settled on the tree branches, or the texture of it when he picked it up and squeezed it in his gloves, was incredible. Benrey wasn’t very impressed with the taste though, too cold on the tongue.

Tommy enthusiastically showed Benrey how to make a snowman. Building their frozen friend reminded Benrey of building sandcastles on the beach with Gordon, especially with both Tommy and Benrey being very childlike people. It made Benrey feel a bit melancholy deep down, considering the way Gordon had treated him again this morning. It seems that Gordon’s promise to treat Benrey better had been false.

They stayed at Dr Coomer’s house until the afternoon when most of the snow had melted under the sun’s weak warmth in the now clear skies. After breakfast it seemed that Gordon was actively avoiding Benrey.

They went through a slightly emotional goodbye, as this was probably going to be the last time the science team was together for a long while once Gordon moved. Coomer gave everyone long squeezing hugs with misty eyes, and even Bubby had replaced his usual scowl with a smile. Benrey held onto Tommy for quite a while.

During the ride home Gordon drove in haughty silence while Benrey buried his head in Minecraft again. If Gordon was going to put his walls back up then Benrey could do the same, as much as it made his heart ache. Gordon had been very unforgiving with Benrey in the past, so why should Benrey so easily forgive him?

-

In the upper levels of Black Mesa, the room was ahead of them now. Man, Gordon was about to get pranked so good. He wont even know what hit him. They just had to persuade him to go in now.

Benrey tried to convince Gordon about how cool the room would be. How it would have TV and Blue-Ray entertainment just waiting for him. Surely that sounded appealing after a long hike through the facility.

And Gordon took the bait. He was their leader after all, the one to lead them headfirst into danger every time. The stress of the position seemed to be taking its toll on him though, he could use a break away from the action with the military guys. They seemed real nice, and they had their passports so they must be allowed here.

The lights went out, but Benrey could see everything. Oh man they were really wailing on Gordon there. This was a big fight. Was this part of the prank? Oh well, it’s not like anything bad would happen. So Benrey decided to just throw some quips into the mix, despite Tommy voicing his concerns.

And then the military guys cut off Gordon arm. Benrey thought that was pretty hilarious actually. He made a remark about how he was pretty sure the arm was supposed to be on the body. Silly Gordon, losing a limb like that.

Eventually the soldiers dragged Gordon off out of the room, leaving the rest of them behind as promised, unharmed.

“oh man, that prank went a bit wild. i’m sure once gordon grows his arm back he’ll laugh about it though,” Benrey said.

“Benrey, wh-what are you talking about? His arm isn’t going to- isn’t going to grow back!” Tommy exclaimed with distress. “Human limb- human’s limbs don’t grow back!”

“whuh?” Benrey said with confusion, his eyes widening with comprehension. “they… they don’t?”

Tommy shook his head fervently. Oh… oh no. Gordon might be a bit pissed off about that.

After a quiet moment Benrey spoke again. “uh… what do you think they are going to do with him?” he asked.

“Probably kill him,” Bubby said indifferently. “I mean, they have been trying to do that for a while.”

“oh… well then, he can just respawn and come find us again and we can all have a laugh,” Benrey concluded assuredly.

“No Benrey, humans don’t respawn either!” Tommy said, shaking his head again.

“whuh… wait, then what happens when they die?” Benrey asked, panic starting to take a grip of him.

“When humans die, they are gone forever, they never- they never come back Benrey!” Tommy explained in anguish.

“what… what are you talking about tommy?” Benrey asked apprehensively. Surely Tommy was just joking around? “the scientists… they told me it was ok for me to hurt and kill people, cause they would just respawn like me, that they would be ok.”

“They- they lied to you Benrey!” Tommy asserted, looking distraught.

“oh, fuck,” Benrey said quietly, staring down blankly at the floor. He was trying to comprehend what he had just been told. Everything he thought was wrong? He had actually just caused Gordon to be really hurt, and now he was going to be killed forever.

“i… uh… have to go,” Benrey eventually said once he stopped zoning out. Then he quickly took off down the corridor in the direction the soldiers had left in, leaving the bewildered scientists behind.

It wasn’t hard for Benrey to track Gordon, he just followed the light, no-clipping straight through walls to catch up. Eventually he ended up in a long corridor that the soldiers were dragging Gordon’s unconscious body down. 

It only took a few seconds for the soldiers to both lose their heads to a razor-sharp limb. By the time their bodies hit the metal floor Benrey was on his knees next to Gordon’s body.

Gordon was losing a lot of blood out of his arm, which was pooling on the floor beneath him. Benrey did the only thing he could think of, which was blowing teal green healing bubbles onto the wound. Luckily that made the blood vessels close, though couldn’t heal up the exposed flesh.

Benrey felt anger rising in his chest. He had been misled, by the research scientists and by the military. Someone was going to have to pay for this. But first, he was going to have to find a safe place for Gordon. If he left him in this hallway more soldiers or the aliens could find and kill him.

Benrey found an out of the way place to put Gordon while he took care of business. He took on another form to stalk through the corridors and hunt his prey. He had been trained to do this after all. Ripping and tearing through their flesh was so easy, and blood stained the walls in his wake.

After a while Benrey noticed Gordon’s light moving again. By the time Benrey caught back up to him he had assembled the rest of the science team again, even Bubby was with them. If that was the case, Gordon must have forgiven the older scientist for what happened. That could mean he would forgive Benrey as well, and everything would go back to the way it was before. Benrey found a spot to pop back up in Gordon’s path so he could re-join the team.

But it seems Gordon wasn’t in a very forgiving mood and told the science team to kill Benrey on sight. Benrey respawned and tried again. He tried to come off non-threateningly and showed Gordon his passport (which he had quickly made) to let Gordon know he was supposed to be here. Once everyone had shown their passport except Gordon, Benrey cracked a joke about Gordon’s arm to try and break the tension, and then told him to calm down.

That still didn’t seem to put Gordon in a forgiving mood though, and Benrey didn’t know what else to do. It had just meant to be a prank, why couldn’t Gordon understand that? Benrey didn’t like it when Gordon was mad at him. Made him feel bad. Did Gordon want Benrey to be bad? Would that make him happy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for this after the softe chapter, but Gordon isn't ready to address his feelings yet and has a poor way of dealing with it. Don't worry, he can't keep those walls up forever.
> 
> I also wanted a chance to show Benrey's perspective on some of the things that happened in Black Mesa.
> 
> Thank you for the lovely comments :)


	15. Reparing Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon has to face and own up to what hes done, and try and make it up to Benrey

That night Gordon found himself alone in bed, Benrey staying out on the couch with his heated blanket. They hadn’t said much of anything to each other all afternoon since getting back from their trip. Gordon had plenty of time to reflect while tossing and turning trying to sleep.

He had done it again, he had treated Benrey poorly right after promising to do better, real dick move there Gordon. But this time it seemed that Benrey wasn’t going to take that kind of treatment lying down, that he was retaliating against Gordon for breaking his promise. Benrey probably was starting to think he deserved better than someone who was just going to string him along with promises of friendship only to turn around and hurt him.

And string him along in other ways as well. Gordon was definitely aware that Benrey was in love with him, the alien didn’t exactly try and hide it. How happy must Benrey have been when Gordon had kissed him, and gently stroked his hair? How wounded must he be when the next morning Gordon brushes him off like he was nothing?

Since when had Gordon started to care so much? It had only been a couple of weeks ago that he had wanted Benrey dead forever. But, despite everything, his fondness for the alien hybrid had only continued to grow. Gordon felt the overwhelming urge to protect and care for the clueless lifeform, despite his often-infuriating nature. Perhaps that was some sort of dad instinct.

Gordon didn’t want to admit it, but he enjoyed Benrey’s endless physical affection. It had been a long time since he had experienced it, not since he was with Sarah. The dude was just so damn cuddly, it was part of the sweeter side of his personality. A charm that was difficult to resist. Thinking about all of Benrey’s little naïve tendencies made Gordon’s heart weak.

But at the same time, he was worried about getting close to Benrey. Gordon had seen what Benrey was capable of at his worst, and it had been terrifying. He still hadn’t stopped having nightmares about it. And in many of his nightmares these days, Benrey would first present himself as the innocent and harmless friend Gordon had come to know, tricking Gordon into getting close only to morph into another monstrosity and kill him savagely.

Ugh, he really needed to get his feelings sorted out, they were just so conflicting. Especially before he moved to another state with Benrey. Would Benrey even still want to come now? Gordon decided another trip to the therapist was in order.

-

“I’ve had some… realisations about the way I have been acting towards others,” Gordon explained to the therapist, gesturing with tented fingers. “I found a side of myself that I don’t really like, and I feel like I should work on that.”

She nodded along. “So, you feel you have been treating others unfairly, and now you wish to follow a path of self-improvement? That’s a mature way of handling such a situation. Most people don’t allow themselves that sort of introspection into the more unpleasant parts of their personality.”

“Huh, I guess so. I just, well, always thought I was a good person, I never meant to upset anyone really. But it seems we can do such things without meaning to,” Gordon said thoughtfully. “I had been under the impression that I was too nice and let people take advantage of that, but it turns out I have been taking advantage of them as well.”

“Would some of these ‘people’ in particular be named Benrey?” the doctor asked shrewdly.

Gordon swallowed hard. “Well… maybe… yes,” he admitted.

“Do you feel you are ready to address the nature of your relationship with Benrey, Dr Freeman? It seems to be the topic your most hung up about at the moment,” she said astutely.

“No… not really… I mean you are right though, I just… don’t want to.” Gordon stuttered avoidantly, glancing away.

Dr Reed gave him a meaningful look. “You seem very troubled about these feelings. You won’t be able to overcome that unless you address them properly.”

“Ok, I guess I should try,” Gordon exhaled, swallowing again. “Part of me feels like, he’s still dangerous, even though he hasn’t shown to be in anyway. Like I need to keep my guard up with him. As if, developing any… softer… feelings towards him could put me at risk of getting hurt again.”

“Sounds to me like those feelings have already developed Dr Freeman, but you are just keeping them, and him, at arm’s reach,” she said perceptively.

“Those feelings shouldn’t even exist! The guy tried to freaking kill me! I’m supposed to hate him, not let him sleep in my bed!” Gordon ranted, and then blushed. “It feels like there must be something horribly wrong with me.”

“Well Gordon, you have been raised in a society that has certain ideals and expectations about human behaviour,” the doctor explained to him gently. “To have a sense of justice against those who do what is considered the wrong thing. That, however, doesn’t necessarily make consideration for the full range of complex human emotions.”

Gordon looked at her quizzically, unsure of how to respond.

“Perhaps you need to let go of what you think you are expected to feel and think about what you truly desire?” Dr Reed suggested lightly. “The world is not made the same way for everyone, sometimes you have to discover your own type of happiness through a different method.”

“I don’t know… it still feels shameful,” Gordon said pitifully.

“Are you worried others may judge you for your feelings?” she asked.

Gordon shook his head. “I don’t think anyone would know enough to see an issue. I’m just… judging myself I guess.”

“Yes, our greatest critic is ourselves. It is something we must overcome through reassurance from within and without,” the doctor agreed. “It is up to you to decide whether you want to view these feelings as ‘wrong’, or let go of those pre-conceptions on how you think you should feel about Benrey and allow the feelings to happen naturally.”

Gordon lowered his head and gripped it with his hands, groaning.

“Yeah, I know, but I think I’ve already fucked it up anyway,” Gordon said with a sigh.

“What happened?” she asked.

Gordon’s blush grew more intense as he grasped for words. “I… uh… kissedhimonthecheek,” he said quickly, glancing away again. “And, uh, I kind of pushed off the couch and like, pretended it didn’t happen, and now I am pretty sure he’s mad at me cause I promised to be nicer to him but I was mean again.”

After a moment of thought, Dr Reed asked gently, “Well, Gordon, when Benrey did wrong by you, what did you expect from him?”

“… I asked for an apology, of course,” Gordon conceded. “I see what you’re going to say, that I should apologise to him again for my behaviour.”

“Is there anything wrong with doing that?” the doctor asked.

“No, I just feel like its going to be awkward. Like, I might have to explain to him why I did it, because I freaked out about kissing him.”

“It’s always your decision, Gordon, but I don’t know how much more I can do to help you until you overcome this issue, one way or another.” Dr Reed finalised

-

Benrey didn’t even get off the couch when he heard the key turn in the door. He kept his eyes locked on the TV screen even when Gordon entered the apartment. Benrey hoped Gordon could see him frowning a bit, that would really show him.

Gordon quietly approached the couch and stood next to it.

“Benrey?” he asked softly.

“huh?” Benrey said almost inaudibly, not removing his attention from the game.

“Can I talk to you?” Gordon asked.

“i dunno, can you?” Benrey retorted sarcastically.

Gordon sighed, and sat down on the couch next to Benrey. Benrey still didn’t look at him. Feetman still needed to learn his lesson about being mean.

“Look Benrey, I’m sorry about being mean to you again. There is no excuse for my behaviour, but maybe you’ll let me explain it anyway?” Gordon offered gently.

Benrey paused his game. Oh, maybe Gordon had learnt his lesson. Benrey half turned to look at him, waiting for him to continue.

“I… uh, kinda freaked out about kissing you,” Gordon started awkwardly. “I hadn’t meant to do it; it was the whiskey… I think.”

“oh…” said Benrey, trying to hide his disappointment. So, the kiss hadn’t been a genuine gesture of affection from Gordon after all, only a mistake. Benrey felt stupid to have assumed otherwise.

“So, yeah, I know you’ve been mad at me about it, and rightfully so. I hope perhaps you won’t stay mad, and we can still be friends?” Gordon suggested.

“yeah, well… you gotta uh… gotta not mess with my feelings like that feetman,” Benrey said, looking away. “hurts y’know?”

Gordon looked like he was about to touch Benrey on the shoulder, but then stopped himself. “Yeah, I know bud. I fucked up; I can admit that.”

“we can be friends again… but only… if you order hawaiian pizza,” Benrey stipulated, holding up a finger to make his point.

“Wow, gross, ok maybe its not worth it,” Gordon said, screwing up his face in distaste. Benrey frowned at him. “Ok, ok, I’ll get your abomination pizza for you, pineapple gremlin.”

Benrey smirked at that, which caused Gordon to break out into a relieved smile.

Benrey slipped into contemplation while Gordon was on the phone. Had it been naïve of him to assume that Gordon warming up to him had indicated the development of affectionate feelings? Surely it couldn’t be Benrey’s fault for misinterpreting the kiss. And then pushing Benrey away again immediately after, that had been rather cruel. And now, apologising and wanting to be friends again, after so many times insisting that he didn’t want the be Benrey’s friend and they never were friends?

What was Benrey to Gordon, just some sort of emotional plaything that he could treat however he liked? How many times was he going to trust Gordon again, only to get it thrown back in his face? But of course, his infatuation was too great for him to ever want to leave. Would he let himself be Gordon’s emotional punching bag just to stay near him? Probably, its not like he’s ever had much sense of self worth anyway.

Benrey couldn’t help but be a bit withdrawn while eating their pizza and watching TV. Gordon was trying to crack some jokes, but Benrey barely responded, he was too busy nursing his cracked heart. He appreciated that Gordon had apologised, sure, but was he ready to forgive yet? Maybe he needed some time, he was still learning about how the world and people outside Black Mesa worked anyway.

-

“Should we rent an apartment or a house Benrey?” Gordon asked the alien who was lying on the bed playing the PS Vita.

“i dunno, are you ready to settle down and start a family? gordon familyman?” Benrey drawled, not even looking up to where Gordon was seated at his desk with his laptop.

“I already have a kid you know,” Gordon retorted.

Benrey only replied with a dismissive noise.

Gordon rolled his eyes. “I guess having a house would be good if Sarah would let Joshua visit, maybe even stay over. I could babysit for her and give her a break,” Gordon concluded himself, adjusting his search criteria on the real estate website.

“will mini feetman sleep in your bed as well?” Benrey asked apprehensively.

“Nah, he’s big enough now to have his own room. I’ll make sure the place has at least two bedrooms so he can have his own to stay in if he stays over,” Gordon hoped that Sarah would let Josh visit and even sleep over sometimes. From the before the birth Gordon had agreed that Sarah have full custody, but he would still like to be part of his son’s life, and he felt like he still had a positive relationship with Sarah. They hadn’t really parted on bad terms, just hadn’t wanted to try make a long-distance relationship work.

“Did you want your own bedroom as well Benrey?” Gordon asked.

“no…” Benrey looked at the wall. “are you kicking me out of the bed too?” he asked forlornly.

Gordon turned back to his laptop to avoid looking at Benrey. “I… uh… no, I just thought you might like to have your own space to put your things. But I guess it doesn’t really matter, I’ll look at two- and three-bedroom options.”

Gordon looked down for a moment, and then suddenly unplugged his laptop and picked it up. He moved over to the bed and sat down on it next to Benrey, placing his laptop on his lap.

“Benrey, I want to include you in this decision if you are going to move and keep living with me. Your opinion is important to me,” Gordon said softly, trying to peer around at Benrey’s turned cheek.

Benrey tilted his head around to look up and Gordon. “you do?” Gordon nodded and smiled.

“pretty gay,” Benrey said, but was blushing slightly.

“You’re gay!” Gordon teased, bumping his shoulder against Benrey’s.

“your mom gay!” Benrey retorted, snickering.

Gordon wheezed out a laugh at that one, which seemed to improve Benrey’s mood even more. He started scrolling down through the options that fit his search criteria. Benrey put his Vita to one side and leaned on Gordon’s arm as he watched the screen.

“can we get a blue house?” he murmured.

“Huh? The colour doesn’t matter Benrey,” Gordon said with confusion. Then again, the alien probably didn’t understand any priorities when it came to property. But Gordon still felt he should include Benrey in this, make him feel… wanted. Maybe he could start making up for the way he had been treating Benrey.

They spent a lazy part of the afternoon looking through the options. Benrey’s inputs were certainly interesting. He seemed to like aspects most humans wouldn’t: dimmer, more cramped living spaces. He got very excited whenever the walls were painted blue. Gordon was looking for a place with a nice backyard as he would like to take up some gardening and have a place for Joshua to play.

One place had a huge treehouse built in the backyard, which Benrey was really eager about.

“look, a place where benrey and mini feetman can hang out, no big feetmans allowed,” Benrey crowed with delight.

“Hey, I thought you said my son was shit,” Gordon retorted, nudging Benrey slightly, but still smiling.

“oh, well, i’ve watched you talking to him sometimes and he might actually be cool I guess,” Benrey said, averting his gaze.

Gordon’s breath hitched in his throat at the thought of Benrey playing with Joshua. Could he trust the inhuman creature around a human child? At worst, Benrey was a literal monster, and could probably gut someone in seconds if he wanted to. But also, Benrey was inexperienced with human life, and something could happen by accident without him even meaning to.

Then again, Benrey had played with Gordon as a child and hadn’t brought any harm to him. Interestingly, Joshua looked very much like Gordon had at his age. Perhaps that was why Benrey was keen to play with him?

“Well, I’m happy that you’re willing to give him a chance then,” Gordon said with a chuckle, the smile returning to his face. He fought back the urge to ruffle up Benrey’s hair fondly.

Perhaps if he wanted Benrey to trust him again he would need to put some trust in the alien as well.


	16. Kindness Reciprocated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon continues to try and make it up to Benrey  
> Benrey aids Gordon in return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I don't feel great about this chapter but I've written it now so I'm just going to move onto the next.  
> It's whatever, just felt it needed something more before the next bit, things were moving a bit too fast.

Gordon continued to try and make up to Benrey for the way he had treated him. He knew that Benrey had really liked spending time with Tommy, so he invited the other scientist out to lunch and a movie for the three of them. Tommy had happily agreed, saying he could somehow fit it into his mysteriously busy schedule. Gordon still wasn’t exactly sure what Tommy was doing, he mostly brushed off queries with a response like ‘work for my dad’, never going into the details.

Gordon spoke to Benrey over breakfast that morning. The alien hybrid seemed to be mostly back to his old irritating and clingy self now, and Gordon was quite relieved about that.

“So, before we go out today Benrey, I have to ask you… I was wondering if all your powers have returned?” Gordon inquired between mouthfuls of toast.

“whuh?” Benrey gave his usual initial response to any question which always showed that he either hadn’t been listening or perhaps didn’t process the enquiry properly.

“I know you can shapeshift again now, have you recovered any of your other ‘mojo’?” Gordon pressed.

Benrey titled his head from side to side. “uh, sorta, lookit this,” he said as he passed his hand straight through the table and then grinning up at Gordon’s slightly startled appearance.

“but, uh, still can’t turn off feeling though, ‘s weird,” Benrey mumbled, before shoving more toast in his mouth. “n ard to tes respon,” he added through his mouthful of food.

“Probably don’t want to test respawn if you can still feel pain,” Gordon said with a slight wince.

Benrey swallowed and chased the food down with orange juice. “yeah, pain is the big suck, uncool.”

“Okay, well Benrey I asked you about your powers because when we go out in public again I don’t want you walking through any walls, or flying around in the air, or making your head tiny or anything like that,” Gordon said firmly. “Your true nature needs to be kept on the downlow, and anything like that is sure to cause a scene.”

“aw man, humans are lame,” Benrey sighed, lowering his eyes to his empty plate. “can’t even fly, so stupid.”

“just, behave yourself Benrey, ok? Can you do that for me, please?” Gordon asked wearily.

-

“popped corn popped corn popped corn popped corn,” Benrey chanted lowly, bouncing slightly on his feet. The three of them were standing in the foyer of the theatre, having just secured their tickets without too many issues, except Benrey pushily asking the ticketer what his favourite sonic game was. Gordon was taking them to see the sonic movie, naturally.

“Mr Freeman, a mission to the- to the concession stand is both perilous and imp-imperative!” Tommy stated with a smile.

“But we are going to have lunch after anyway, and the line is long,” Gordon whined with a frown.

“you gonna let us starve feetman?” Benrey jabbed. “feetman worst playdate supervisor ever.”

Gordon looked incredulous. “This isn’t a playdate! You two are grown ass men!” he exclaimed in exasperation.

“How do you expect us to grow if you- if you won’t provide us with nu-nutrients?” Tommy asked with a giggle.

“Nutrients? What are you guys, plants?” Gordon asked, perplexed at the comment.

“yeah i’m one of them piranha plants from crash bandicoot or mario,” Benrey claimed. “except i only eat popped corn and socks.”

Gordon dragged his hand down his face. “Why do you keep calling it popped corn? It’s popcorn.” He finally stated, deciding to ignore the sock eating remark. Especially considering some of his socks had gone missing lately. He didn’t want to think about it.

Benrey just shrugged in response.

“Technically the corn has been popped Mr Freeman, so Benrey’s term, while un-unconventional, is still- is still correct,” Tommy piped in helpfully.

“ok, ok, will you guys be quiet if I acquired you some ‘popped corn?’” Gordon pleaded.

Benrey nodded vigorously, and Tommy smiled sweetly.

“Ok, fine,” Gordon grumbled as he grudgingly got in line for the concessions.

-

Benrey was in fact mostly quiet during the movie, watching it with wide blue eyes and enrapt attention. He hogged the popcorn though, but Tommy didn’t seem to mind, and Gordon didn’t really care.

After they emerged from the theatre was when Benrey’s pent up energy needed to come spilling out, as he chattered away about the movie to Tommy’s amusement. Gordon couldn’t help but smile a little as well, it was kind of nice seeing Benrey enjoying himself so much. Seeing him so animated as a nice change of pace from his usual mostly blank disposition.

They went to a small café for lunch, and Benrey seemed to still have plenty of room to stuff his face full of pastries even after consuming so much popcorn. It was mostly Gordon and Tommy chatting now that Benrey had gotten most of it out of his system. Despite often seeming childish, Tommy had the capability of proper adult small talk and discussion, unlike Benrey.

There was a baby seated with a family at another table that Benrey started pulling funny faces at, causing the child to break out in giggles. He started doing some subtle shape-shifting when only the baby was looking, making his nose bigger or his eyes different colours, even blowing out a few bubbles of quiet sweet voice. Eventually Gordon noticed and chided him before pulling him out of the café.

They grabbed some ice-cream and took a walk through the park. Benrey chased the pigeons and the ducks, demanding to see their licence to fly. Then he started fishing pebbles out of a pond and stacking them in the grass. Upon inquiry to his actions, he explained that he was making houses for the bugs. Gordon chuckled at his antics, watching him fondly.

At one point Gordon lost sight of Benrey for a moment, and then found him way up high in a tree trying to talk to some squirrels. Upon Gordon demanding that he ‘get down from there right now’, Benrey stepped off the branch and plummeted to the ground, landing on his feet like it was nothing. Gordon pulled on his own hair in silent distress, then quickly looked around to see if anyone else had seen it happen, but there was no one.

At the end of the afternoon they said their farewells, Benrey hugging Tommy tightly and telling him he’d have to visit ‘massive-shoe-fits’ sometime. Tommy laughed at this, then presented Benrey with a present. It was a small crystal on a thin piece of leather. Tommy said it was a little piece of a xen crystal, which, while not Benrey’s home planet, was still a part of his history.

Tommy smiled kindly at Gordon and Benrey as he wished them well, not sure if they would see each other again before the move. Benrey put on the crystal necklace, fiddling with it while staring at it in awe for most of the walk home. Gordon couldn’t help but find it endearing.

-

Gordon had said something about today being ‘New Year’s Eve’, but Benrey didn’t really understand what that meant. First, years didn’t really mean much to him, he had never taken much notice of the passage of time, was always just present in the moment and not thinking about the future. Second, it wasn’t in fact evening all day, a fact it shared with the day Gordon had called ‘Christmas Eve’, which Benrey found rather misleading in both cases.

Benrey had also been disappointed to learn from Gordon that, unlike Christmas Eve, New Year’s Eve didn’t come before a day where you got presents. In fact, nothing interesting seemed to happen all day long, and Gordon didn’t hint at anything happening the next day, so Benrey didn’t understand why the days got their own important names.

Benrey was gaming on the PS4 in the lounge, half laying slouched on the couch with one leg slung up over the armrest. He was enjoying the blank brain feeling that video games gave him. Gordon had gone to bed early, muttering something about ‘maybe I can just sleep through it’, whatever that meant. Benrey wasn’t feeling very tired, so was up late. The more his powers returned, the less he seemed to need sleep, and usually only went to bed when he started to feel cold and wanted to huddle up to Gordon rather than keep sitting in his heated blanket.

Benrey was suddenly startled out of his gaming stupor by the sound of explosions outside the apartment, mostly distant. He jerked upright in his seat, eyes going wide. Benrey scrabbled off the couch and over to the window, pulling back the curtains to peer outside. He was surprised to be met by the sight of colours lighting up the night sky.

Benrey watched in fascination for a few moments before he realised what it was. He had seen fireworks in video games before, so he knew what they were called. But there were so many, being lit up over the whole city it seemed, filling the sky’s black canvas with so many shapes and neon colours. Benrey snapped out of it when he realised hey, he should go wake Gordon to check this out, it was pretty neat.

“hey gordo you should come see this,” Benrey announced blithely as he entered the bedroom. But he didn’t see Gordon laying in the bed. Benrey cocked a confused eyebrow as he stepped further into the dark room. His night vision discerned a figure huddled down behind the bed.

“yo, you playin’ hide and seek bro?” Benrey asked as he stepped around the bed to get a better look at the huddled figure. Gordon had his body pushed firmly against the side of the mattress. His arm was pressed against the floor with his head resting on it, his curls falling around his face. He was shaking all over and breathing heavily.

Benrey froze in place for a moment, before pushing himself to move and lower himself down next to Gordon’s trembling form. “gordo?” he asked tentatively, reaching out a hand and place his fingers on Gordon’s shoulder.

Gordon quickly lifted his head and snapped it around to stare at Benrey, wild eyed, but seemed to be looking through him. Tears were sitting in the corners of his green eyes, and his skin was slick with perspiration.

“what’s the matter, best friend?” Benrey asked in a tone that was uncharacteristically concerned for him, his features probably marked by the alarm he was feeling. What was wrong with Gordon? He looked like he had been attacked or something.

“hhh… uuu… i… hhhuu…” Gordon panted; his glazed eyes dropped to stare at Benrey’s chest while he tried to form words.

“uh… it’s okay gordo… you’re ok,” Benrey awkwardly started trying to comfort, reaching out to grab Gordon’s other shoulder and turn him to face Benrey properly.

Gordon’s eye suddenly snapped back up to Benrey’s face, now intensely focused. He yelped and ripped himself out of Benrey’s grasp, pushing himself back up against the bed, looking like a cornered animal, eye wide in terror and hyperventilating.

Benrey allowed his hands to stay up in mid-air in surrender. “it’s just me gordon, just your best friend benny, i’m not going to hurt you,” Benrey attempted to gently placate.

“M-monster,” Gordon managed to choke out, still pushing himself into the bed as if he was attempting to get away, eyes wild.

Ok, ouch. Feetman might not be in his right mind at the moment but that still hurt. Benrey sighed and then stood up, moving out of Gordon sight for a moment. He steeled himself for a moment, then stepped back around the bed and in front of Gordon.

“Hey Mr Freeman, are you- are you alright?” Benrey thought his impersonation of Tommy’s voice was pretty good. The form should be near prefect, given the confusion that was suddenly mixed into the terror on Gordon’s face. Then again, Gordon didn’t have his glasses on, so how much he could see was up for debate.

“T-t-tommy?” Gordon stuttered out, freezing in place.

Benrey bent down closer to Gordon. “Yeah Mr Freeman, the whole science team is- is here to help you,” he reassured, smiling gently.

“They- they are?” Gordon asked in disbelief, confusion now overtaking as the main emotion he was portraying.

“Y-yeah! Dr Bubby and Dr Coomer are gonna shoot down all the- all the military guys and the alien creatures, don’t you- don’t you worry Mr Freeman!” Benrey was on his knees now in front of Gordon, maintaining Tommy’s sunny disposition.

Gordon seemed to calm slightly at that news, taking some deep shaky breaths and not pressing himself against the bed nearly as hard as before.

“Do you- do you need a hug Mr Freeman?” Benrey asked slightly reluctantly, holding out his arms, nevertheless.

Gordon paused for a moment, and then nodded, a sob hiccupping out of his chest. Benrey leaned in and gathered Gordon up in his arms, pressing his tear stained face into his chest and resting his chin on Gordon’s curls. Gordon broke into heaving sobs as he was held, tears and mucus seeping into the front of Benrey’s shirt.

“Don’t worry Mr Freeman, we’ll- we’ll keep you safe,” Benrey kept up the act. This was kinda major suckage, but at least Gordon seemed to be calming down a bit. The sobbing slowed down to sniffling, and the trembling was less intense. The fireworks had stopped. Eventually Gordon was just deeply breathing into Benrey’s chest.

Eventually Benrey pulled away and grabbed some tissues off the nightstand to start wiping up Gordon’s face. Eventually Gordon took over and Benrey was just handing him tissues to clean up with. Then Benrey handed Gordon his glasses and then turned back into himself. Not his true form, but his human one. Nice safe pale skin, blue eyes, blunt teeth.

“O-oh, Benrey,” Gordon said after squinting at him, then quickly glanced away. “You… hah… wow.”

“what was that feetman?” Benrey asked carefully, searching the others face.

“I- I had hoped that wouldn’t be… wouldn’t be an issue,” Gordon said as he lifted himself up to sit on the bed. He reached behind himself to rub his back.

“you seemed upset, like you sometimes did at black mesa, only worse,” Benrey described uncertainly, perching on the bed next to Gordon.

Gordon nodded. “Yeah I… I woke up and the sounds… I thought I was there again, that I was going to die, and I couldn’t… I couldn’t breathe properly…” Gordon stared at his hand that rested in his lap.

“do you feel better now?” Benrey asked, looking at Gordon from the side of his eye while swinging his legs out from the bed idly.

“Thanks to you… your little trick seemed to work,” Gordon said, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

“uh, no problem, got your back bro,” Benrey said, frowning slightly. He hadn’t liked that trick. Why couldn’t Gordon be comforted by his best buddy? Why was he still scared of him?

Gordon suddenly wrapped his arm around Benrey’s shoulder and pulled him against the side of his body in an awkward half hug. “It’s nice to have someone around to back me up,” when Benrey looked up at Gordon’s face he saw a smile on his lips.

A few moments later they were lying in the bed together, staring up at the ceiling.

“will i… always be a monster to you?” Benrey asked reluctantly, eyes averted from Gordon.

“Huh?” Gordon asked, rolling over to face Benrey and propping himself up on his elbow.

“will you always look at me and see a monster?” Benrey pressed, still looking up. He didn’t mind when the term had been used in jest, such as the ‘monster under the bed’ comment. But the fear that Gordon had looked at him with when saying it in a panic was different.

“Is that… is that why you’re in human mode right now?” Gordon deflected by asking a question back.

Benrey nodded. “didn’t want you to freak out again.”

“I don’t think you are a monster Benrey, not anymore,” Gordon murmured. “I couldn’t think properly when I saw you just now, I’m sorry.”

Benrey smacked his lips pensively for a moment. “but every night, when you sleep, it’s always ‘no benrey don’t hurt me’,” Benrey said sadly, turning his head to look at Gordon now, “and all i can do is lie there thinking ‘wow thanks dream benrey, really fucking it up for me there aintcha?’”

Gordon rolled back onto his back, staring upwards again. “I’m sorry Benrey, I can’t control my dreams. My brain just keeps focusing on the bad memories.”

“i thought by now there would be more good memories than bad,” Benrey said dejectedly.

“That may be true, but trauma doesn’t just disappear,” Gordon sighed. “My conscious mind knows you’re not bad anymore. Trust me?”

Benrey just hummed in reply, before letting out some notes of sweet voice, which lazily floated up towards the ceiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This had become like an experiment to see how long I can keep bullshitting a story before I give up.


	17. Heart Seized

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon dreams of Benrey again  
> Gordon confronts his feelings  
> Something terrible happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is better I think :)

The alien environment stretched out around Gordon. Oh great, he thought, not again. He was getting a bit sick of these nightmares now; couldn’t he just get over them already?

Oh wait, he had realized he was dreaming. That was a first.

“Okay Benrey, get your ass out here and kill me already so we can get this over with,” Gordon called out to the empty landscape around him in resignation.

“oh yo, lucid dreaming, that’s pretty dope,” Gordon spun around to see Benrey standing behind him, looking mostly normal in his alien way. He was dressed in his normal clothes and was showing his shark teeth with a smile.

“Yeah, I guess I’m full of surprises,” Gordon said with a smirk, holding his arms out in a shrug. “Hug?” he taunted to the alien.

“really mixing things up here are we gordo?” Benrey asked as he slowly approached Gordon, grinning back.

“Not like I have anything to lose here,” Gordon pointed out, arms still open in invitation for embrace. If all he could get out of this dream was stirring up nightmare Benrey a bit, he would take it.

Benrey stood right in front of Gordon. “you wanna hold me, feetman? wanna lovingly embrace me in your big strong arms?” he scoffed.

“So, what if I do? You look just like my best friend after all, sleep demon,” Gordon sneered back, letting his arms fall back down by his sides.

“what happened to hating me gordo? you got the big gay now?” the entity jeered with a wink.

Gordon suddenly reached out with his good hand to grab nightmare Benrey by the chin. “You’re nothing but a piece of shit hallucination, so stop pretending that your him. The act is getting pretty lame,” Gordon goaded, staring directly into those huge yellow eyes.

“heh, whatcha gonna do to stop me, feetman?” Benrey asked, running a long blue tongue over his sharp teeth.

Gordon’s heart sped up when he realized the proximity of their faces. He could feel Benrey’s breath on his face as he looked up at him. Benrey closed his mouth and smiled up at Gordon menacingly.

Gordon quickly pulled Benrey’s face forward and up, his lips crashing into Benrey’s. The alien gave out a little noise of surprise, squirming against Gordon’s grip. Gordon moved his body closer, placing his other arm around Benrey’s back and forcing Benrey up onto his tip toes.

After a few moments Gordon broke away from the kiss and let go of Benrey’s chin, breathing heavily. He noticed Benrey was also out of breath, and a blue blush was burning across his cheeks, his lips slightly parted. The sight of this sent Gordon’s brain into a frenzy, and he leaned in to grab Benrey in a kiss again.

It might not be the real Benrey, but he could pretend it was. This time Benrey didn’t struggle, and instead kissed Gordon back, his eyes closing. Gordon gently caressed Benrey’s cheek, brushing stray hairs back behind his ear.

After another few moments they broke apart again, breathing against each other’s skin.

“oh, i guess you do got the big gay, lol,” Benrey commented with a smirk.

Gordon leaned down and planted a soft kiss on Benrey’s forehead. “It’s my dream, I can be gay if I want,” he murmured into grey skin.

Benrey buried his head against Gordon’s chest, wrapping his arms around his torso.

“Are you going to kill me now again?” Gordon asked as he held the alien against him.

“nah, it’s cool lover boy,” Benrey said into Gordon’s chest. “this is probably torture enough for you this time.”

-

Gordon awoke in the early morning and groaned deeply. God damn it, dream Benrey was right. This only confirmed his fears about his fondness towards Benrey. Very gently Gordon sat up, grabbing his glasses, and looked over at the sleeping form next to him. The morning light reflected off the stray strands of Benrey’s silky dark hair. His grey features were relaxed. His lips were slightly parted, showing the pointed end of a tooth inside. Thick dark eyelashes rested on soft cheeks.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Gordon had gone and caught _feelings_. For Benrey, of all people. He fought against the overwhelming urge to kiss the alien awake, the thought flushing his cheeks and he slapped his hand over his own mouth. He needed to get out of here, now.

Back when he had escaped his home after a nightmare in the middle of the night, Gordon had rediscovered the therapy of going for a jog. He had gotten back into the habit a bit since, heading off on a morning run when he could. It was a good excuse to have a little space to himself for a while. He didn’t do it in the early morning usually for two reasons. Firstly, he had a bad habit of staying up to late and sleeping in. And secondly, he liked to see people out and about. Helped to remind him that a world existed outside his own bubble, and that the world hadn’t ended in some apocalypse like he thought it was going to at one point.

Gordon was out earlier than usual this morning, his main company being the few earlier commuters and the singing birds. However, he quickly realised that running away from his issues wasn’t going to help fix them. He was actually going to have to acknowledge his feelings at some point.

Okay, he was going to have to accept he had developed some sort of amorous feelings for Benrey. And he already knew how Benrey felt about him, at least up until recently. There was always the possibility that he had hurt Benrey enough that the other no longer felt the same way about Gordon. That seemed unlikely though.

So, there shouldn’t be a problem, right? His therapist had said he should let go of his hang ups about it and just let his feelings develop naturally. That Gordon should follow what he wanted, what he desired.

So, what did he want? Did he want a romantic relationship with Benrey? The prospect seemed so strange. Gordon found it so difficult to picture them together, doing couple things. It was almost ‘cringe’ as Benrey would say.

Even more awkwardly, how would he confess his feelings? He’d been spurning Benrey’s advances for so long, it would be embarrassing to admit he’d developed feelings in return. He was going to look like a fool, Benrey might be happy about it but would probably laugh at him for it.

Gordon didn’t notice the van driving up behind him, just another piece of traffic that he could barely hear through his earphones. It pulled up to the sidewalk a little way in front of him, and the side door opened. He slowed down before he passed it because he spotted several men in combat attire looking at him from inside the vehicle. Oh crap.

Gordon stopped on the sidewalk and took his earbuds out, cocking his head at the men as they stood crouched just inside the open door of the vehicle.

“Morning fellas,” Gordon said, fighting his flight response. No use trying to run, these guys were armed, and he wasn’t.

“Dr Freeman,” a smooth voice said from a seat within the vehicle. Peering in Gordon saw the light from the open door fall upon G-Man’s gaunt face. “Would you care to join me for a ride this fine morning?” the suited man gestured for Gordon to enter the vehicle.

“I’m betting I don’t have much of a choice in the matter,” Gordon muttered, stepping up into the van and taking a seat next to the G-Man. The armed men closed the door and took seats on the ledge with their backs to the driver’s seat.

“Very wise choice Dr Freeman,” the suited man droned, giving Gordon a creepy smile.

“You know, if you wanted to talk to me you could have just called,” Gordon joked to try and break the tension he was feeling building.

“Ah, unfortunately there is more I need from you than just a chat Dr Freeman,” G-Man clarified. “We have been watching you for a while now. We are aware that you are in possession of an asset that my employers would like to be recovered.”

Gordon felt a lump form in his throat. “What do you mean?” he managed to choke out, trying to remain calm.

“Don’t play coy with me Dr Freeman, we know the B.E.N.R.E survived it’s defeat on Xen, and is in your apartment right now,” G-Man said with a wry smile. “And while we cannot allow it to continue to roam free in society, it has been known to be… difficult to get under control.”

“Benrey’s not a threat, he’s like a lost puppy,” Gordon found himself defending his roommate without even thinking. “The only way anyone is going to get hurt is if you try and take him back.”

“That is why we are in need of your assistance Dr Freeman, to make the recovery operation go smoothly, without any fatalities,” the suited man explained. “The creature is one of a kind, and my employers require it to advance their interests.”

“What makes you think I’m going to help you?” Gordon asked indignantly, crossing his arms over his chest and scowling. There was no way he was going to help in a plot to turn Benrey back into a test subject.

“Your willingness is not a necessary part of the operation Dr Freeman,” G-Man said with a smile, and nodded to the armed men. They jumped to their feet and came straight at Gordon, grabbing his arms as he tried to fight them off. They zip tired his hands behind his back as he uselessly protested, before gagging him. Gordon glared at G-Man, who looked back with neutral satisfaction. “My apologies Dr Freeman, I’m just following orders.”

-

A weird energy crackled in the lounge room of the apartment, causing Benrey to look up from his game. His sensitive ears heard some sounds coming from outside the front door, before a black and green portal appeared on the door and a familiar looking suited man stepped through into the apartment.

“oh yo, you finally come to bring me my free month of playstation plus?” Benrey asked casually.

“Hello there again ‘Benrey’. No, I have brought a proposition to you instead,” Tommy’s dad said with a small smile. “You are very important you see, very special. We need you back.”

“huh?” Benrey asked in confusion, blinking at the man.

The man blinked back, smile still static. Then he stepped to the side two men in combat attire dragged someone through the portal and into the room. Benrey’s eyes widened as he saw Gordon being held by the two men, mouth gagged, and hands tied.

“Benrey, you will return to your proper place, and no harm will come to Dr Freeman here,” the suited man said, now holding a familiar collar in one hand. One of the guards pulled a firearm and held it to Gordon’s head.

“no…” Benrey said softly, eyes darting between the man, the collar and Gordon’s face. Gordon winced and shook his head at Benrey, which caused one of the men to give him a swift kick to the shin. Gordon grunted and grimaced in pain.

“Well Benrey?” the suited man asked. “I am sure you are going to make the right choice, yes?”

Panic gripped Benrey’s chest. The sight of the restraint collar made him flinch. Thoughts of being kept alone in a small room again filled him with dread. But he couldn’t let anything bad happen to Gordon again, he’d already suffered enough because of Benrey. Could he possibly be quick enough to shift and take out the guard before they pulled the trigger? Probably not, he couldn’t take that risk. The world wasn’t worth living in without Gordon.

Benrey put his controller down and stood up from the couch, eyes on the floor. “ok,” he said, holding his arms stiff by his sides, trying to fight back tears.

Gordon let out a muffled cry, trying to step forward towards Benrey but being held back by the armed men.

“Excellent choice Benrey,” Mr. Coolatta said, handing the collar to the other armed man who brought it over and quickly secured it around Benrey’s neck. A familiar buzzing sensation ran across Benrey’s skin. Then the man took Benrey’s hands and zip tied his wrists.

With a nod from the suited man’s head, Benrey was led to portal that was still attached to the door of the apartment. Benrey glanced up at Gordon as he went past, noticing the anguish on the others features. He quickly looked away, allowing himself to be led through the portal and away from his new home.

-

“There, now wasn’t that easy Dr Freeman?” G-Man said with satisfaction, nodding at the other armed man, who started removing Gordon’s restraints.

“Bastard,” Gordon spat out as soon as his mouth was free, scowling at the suited man.

“We will no longer be in need of your services. Have a nice life Dr Freeman,” G-Man said with a wry smile, stepping through the portal with his associate, it quickly closing behind them.

Gordon took a deep breath after they vanished, closing his eyes to try and calm himself.

After standing in his dim lounge room for a while (Benrey always kept the lights off and curtains closed when Gordon wasn’t there), clenching and unclenching his fists, Gordon figured he should try and do something.

Letting his shoulders sag to try and let go of the tension, Gordon made his way into the kitchen and started the coffee machine. What was he doing? Benrey had just been stolen away and was alone and afraid somewhere. But what could Gordon do about it? There hadn’t been anything he could do to stop it from happening. What could he do against the power of G-Man and his mysterious employers?

Gordon took his coffee back into the lounge and took a seat on the couch. He blanky stared at the pause screen of Benrey’s game as he sipped the drink. Before long, tears started running down Gordon’s cheeks. He wept silently into his coffee, his heart aching. The apartment felt lonely and empty without Benrey already. Gordon was suddenly confronted with the terrible prospect of living the rest of his life never seeing Benrey again. He realized he desperately wanted him back, that he didn’t want to live without him. That he loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to the regular commentors, you da real MVPs


	18. Perilous Liberation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon tries to find out where Benrey has been taken  
> Benrey suffers, Gordon is forced to wait  
> Gordon attempts a rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains mentions of specific methods of torture and suicide. Proceed with caution!
> 
> Suicide mention: First Benrey part, paragraph 6  
> Torture mention: Second Benrey part, paragraph 2 and 3

Gordon pounded on the front door to Tommy Coolatta’s house until it finally swung open.

“Mr Freeman?” Tommy asked with apprehension, looking at Gordon with wide eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“Your dad took Benrey, Tommy!” Gordon exclaimed angrily.

“Wh-what do you mean?” Tommy asked anxiously.

“I mean what I said!” Gordon gestured as he spoke, hands trembling. “G-Man used me to force Benrey to go with him without a fuss. To go back to being a test subject, I guess, or a weapon!”

“Ok Mr- Mr Freeman, I think you need to calm down a bit,” Tommy placated, looking a little frightened.

“Calm down? How can I calm down?” Gordon exclaimed in distress. “You know how Benrey hated that life. He was finally happy, and now it’s been taken away again. We have to save him!”

“Alright Mr Freeman just- just breathe,” Tommy said, still gesturing to Gordon to calm himself. “How many- how many coffees have you had today?” Tommy was staring at Gordon’s shaky hands.

“A- a few!” Gordon snapped defensively. He had a bad habit of over consuming caffeine when anxious, which usually only made things worse.

“Look, I didn’t- I didn’t know my dad’s plan to take Benrey. How will we- how will we go about rescuing him?” Tommy asked.

Gordon felt a bit lost for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. “We… we need to find out where he has been taken. I was hoping you could help with that,” he gestured towards Tommy. “And then we… we get Dr Coomer and Dr Bubby to help us bust in there and take him back!”

“I guess I can- I can try to find out where he is Mr Freeman,” Tommy said reluctantly. “But it might not be- might not be as easy as you think to get him back.”

“I don’t care, I have to try,” Gordon said firmly. “Please, find out where they have taken him. He’s your friend too,” he implored.

“Ok Mr Freeman, I’ll do it, but it might take a- a while. You should- you should go home for now and try and calm down. You are going to- going to need a cool head to pull off a mission like this,” Tommy explained sympathetically.

Gordon opened his mouth to argue back but then stopped himself. Tommy was right, there was no use hanging out here like a jittery mess while Tommy was trying to locate Benrey, and who knows how long it would take. “Thanks Tommy. Please call me as soon as you know,” he said instead.

-

Benrey sat on the hard bed in the mostly empty room. It was quite similar to his old room before Tommy had brought all the gifts for him. And similar to before he met Tommy, Benrey’s restraint collar was chained up to the wall, limiting his movement.

Benrey had cried alone until he felt like he was out of tears. Whenever someone underwent the tedious process of several security checks including ID card and eye scanners to get into his room, he made sure his eyes were dry by then and put on an air of deadpan indifference.

Benrey had complained about how cold the room was, and when the scientists had realised how sluggish it made him, they had made it even colder, bastards. Benrey still hadn’t recovered the power to not feel anything. If they performed any tests on him now, he would be forced to feel everything, all the pain. The thought filled him with dread.

Would Gordon be mounting a rescue mission to save Benrey? Benrey wasn’t sure it was possible, this place seemed to have higher security than even Black Mesa. Though so far Benrey hadn’t seen much of the place. The portal had brought him into a room where he had been stripped of all his clothing and then washed down all over. They had then dressed him in loose fitting cotton pants and shirt, just like he had used to always wear. Then it was straight into his ‘room’, or more like prison.

Would Gordon even want to try and rescue Benrey? Seemed like it would be very dangerous and difficult, just to save a monster. Perhaps Gordon was even glad that Benrey was gone, that he wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore. Wouldn’t have to fear him anymore.

Or perhaps Tommy would come and see Benrey and help him escape like he had before. Despite what Tommy’s dad had done, Benrey still trusted Tommy after everything he had done for him in the past seventeen years. The guy just had a shitty dad, that’s all. Maybe Tommy could sneak in a small blade again so Benrey could cut his own throat like last time. Though, he would have to hope he respawn was working again for that to be successful.

Benrey also felt angry. How dare they try and use Gordon against him? How dare they try and hurt Gordon? They knew his main weakness, and they would probably always try and exploit it. He would have to do something to protect Gordon if he ever got out of here. Something to make sure no one could hurt Gordon ever again.

-

Gordon paced his apartment with his phone in his hand, trying to fight the urge to consume more coffee. After a while he eventually took a seat on the couch and tried to distract himself by watching TV. It wasn’t working very well, as he was a ball of emotional energy at the moment. He didn’t even want to eat dinner, he felt sick in his turbulent guts.

Tommy’s call didn’t come that day, so eventually Gordon had to try and sleep. The task was nigh impossible with the empty spot in the bed next to him constantly reminding him of what he may have lost forever. Since when had he become so damn attached to an annoying little alien bastard?

In the middle of the night Gordon got up and had a cold shower and some sleeping pills. He really needed to rest, he would need to energy if he was going to try and pull off this rescue operation. When he went back to bed Gordon finally managed to fall into a restless slumber, and it was morning before he knew it.

Gordon really made an attempt to go easy on the coffee that morning so he could maintain his wits about him. His phone buzzed, but not with a call. Tommy had sent him a text message instead.

_Hi Gordon, sorry but it’s going to take me longer than I thought to locate Benrey. My dad has covered his tracks really well this time. Please try not to worry too much, you know Benrey is really strong. We’ll get him back. - Tommy_

Gordon wanted to throw his phone against the wall. He wasn’t angry at Tommy though; he knew the scientist was probably doing his best as he cared about Benrey too. But Gordon wasn’t sure how much longer he could cope with this level of crushing anxiety. He wanted to protect Benrey, he didn’t want him to be alone and afraid in some faraway place, being experimented on again.

-

These new scientists had taken a particular interest in Benrey’s natural basic biology outside of his ‘powers’, especially his high healing factor that hadn’t disappeared even after his total defeat. Perhaps even if they couldn’t replicate his greater powers, they could discover the fast healing gene and exploit that.

But first they wanted to test the extent of the healing factor. This of course meant hurting Benrey. A lot. They shot him, stabbed him, cut him, burned him, frostbit him, hit him hard with blunt objects, cut off a piece of his ear, removed a finger, blinded him in one eye, peeled off a piece of his skin, broke a bone in his arm, removed one of his teeth, and more. Anything that wouldn’t go so far as the kill him. And of course, they took many samples from him as well for genetic analysis, from skin, muscle, hair and blood.

Then they sent him back to his room in bloody agony, covered in cuts, gashes, burns, bruises and exposed flesh, to monitor over the next few days and take observational notes on how his body healed the injuries. Benrey could feel every moment of the pain and cried for hours, alone in the cold room. He had screamed his throat raw during the procedures.

The bruises, burns and frostbite healed the quickest, gone within a day, and the cuts and gashes had closed over with scabs as well. By the next morning the bullet holes had closed up, and new skin was beginning form over his exposed flesh. Vision started to return to his eye by the end of the second day, and the parts of his body they had cut off had healed over, but not regrown (he need to shape shift in order to fix missing pieces). The broken arm felt like it had healed but healed slightly wrong.

Sitting in misery and wishing for escape, Benrey looked around himself and found Gordon’s light, way off in the distance. He yearned for home, his home with Gordon. He yearned to be huddled up under the bed covers, nice and warm and safe from harm. He yearned for Gordon’s smile and laugh, which he had been doing more of recently. After experiencing how wonderful life could really be, Benrey wasn’t about to accept being stuck here forever. He needed to escape, and he would make the scientists pay.

-

Gordon spent a week as an absolute mess. He was constantly fighting the anxiety and panic attacks that threatened to overcome him. He couldn’t stop thinking about what they would be doing to Benrey, and how terrified and isolated the alien would feel. He tossed and turned in bed every night and became more reliant on caffeine to function. He even tried drinking himself into a stupor one night for a break from his constantly swirling thoughts, but the hang over the next day hadn’t really been worth it.

Finally, Tommy’s call came around midday one day, and Gordon nearly dropped his phone fumbling to answer.

“Hello Mr Freeman. With the help of some- of some of my co-connections I found out where they are keeping Benrey now,” Tommy paused for a moment, “and you’re…. you’re not going to like it.”

“Where is he Tommy?” Gordon sounded more demanding than he had planned to.

“They’ve got him at- got him at Area 51,” Tommy said hesitantly.

“Shit,” was the first thing Gordon responded with. “Right, only one the highest security facilities in the whole goddamn country. We can’t fight our way in there.” Gordon let out a defeated sigh.

“Well- well Mr Freeman, you might not have to,” Tommy said cautiously. “I may have a way to- a way to get you in.”

“What is it Tommy?” Gordon asked, quickly succumbing to hope.

“I uh… I may have just ‘borrowed’ some of my dad’s ad-advanced instant portal technology from his- from his office,” Tommy admitted. “His safe password was my birthday.”

“Tommy that’s brilliant!” Gordon exclaimed. “So, we can make a portal directly into Area 51?”

“More or less,” Tommy said cagily. “It works off- off co-ordinates and I don’t know the exact co-ordinates for the room Benrey is being kept in. But I can- I can get use close.”

“That will have to be good enough,” Gordon acknowledged. “I’ll call Bubby and Coomer and set this plan into motion.”

-

“How do you guys have so many guns?” Gordon asked Coomer in amazement. They were standing in Coomer’s house, going through the inventory of armaments he had in duffle bags, preparing to raid Area 51.

“Hello Gor- we kept all the ones we picked off the dead military guys in Black Mesa Gordon,” Coomer explained cheerily, hefting up ‘the big one’ and winking. “For when we were planning to rob a bank.”

“Oh. All mine disappeared when G-Man sent me home,” Gordon mumbled as he rummaged through the bag.

“What would you do without us Gordon?” Bubby asked wryly. “You’re lucky we had this weekend off to help you, otherwise you’d be charging in with what, a single pistol and a dream?” he scoffed.

“The science team has to- has to stick together,” Tommy piped in with a beaming grin. “We gotta- we gotta go save our friend!”

The team got armed up and ready. Crack-shot Tommy chose a regular handgun, but Gordon knew how deadly he could be with it. Coomer had his precious big one, though his main weapon was often his fists, and Bubby had an assault rifle with a grenade launcher. Gordon settled on a shotgun as he felt his aim wouldn’t be what it used to be with his prosthetic arm.

After they had prepared, and Bubby had accidentally blinded the group with a flashbang, Tommy opened a portal for them with a small device. The portal was black and green, just like the one Gordon had seen G-Man make before. Gordon, still feeling like the unofficial leader of this rag tag group, took point. He took a deep breath, then stepped into the portal.

The team arrived in a metal corridor, reminiscent of the ones at Black Mesa. This took a pair of military guys quite by surprise, letting the group get a drop on them and dispose of them quickly. Coomer squatted over one, punching the dead body into the ground for a few seconds before Gordon told him to get a move on.

As they fought their way through the facility, searching for where Benrey was being held, the usual science team antics ensued. They broke any breakable item they could find and tried to sit on any surface they came across. But they also proved to be as deadly as ever. Coomer punched some men unconscious and confusingly praised “Nice shooting Gordon!”. Tommy popped heads left and right while Gordon cheered him on. Bubby went between making snarky comments and manically cackling as he dangerously launched grenades all over the place.

Gordon had thought that doing this sort of thing again would result in crippling anxiety from awakened trauma, but he didn’t actually feel all that bad. He felt safe with the science team, like they could take on anything and survive. He focused on the mission, trying not the think about how many people they were slaughtering on their way through.

They found a scientist in one room, and Gordon somehow managed to convince the team not to kill them. Gordon gruffly questioned the scientist at gunpoint, demanding he take them to Benrey’s holding room. The frightened scientist complied, though got even more terrified when he led the team out into the hallway and saw the military guys brains splattered on the walls.

The scientist hurriedly led them through the facility, it was quieter in this area with less military men and more scientists. The scientist leading them still got to watch in horror as the science team murdered everyone else in their path.

Eventually they were led into an area deep in the facility, and the scientist took them to one of the doors lining the hallway, pointing at it with a shaking finger. Gordon impatiently ordered the scientist to open it. The scientist quivered as he did the eye scan and ID check, and then the door finally slid open.

Gordon swiftly entered the room, blinking in the florescent lighting, bright as compared to the dimmer lighting of the corridor. He quickly noticed Benrey, clad in hospital like clothes again, lying on the bed with his restraint collar attached to the wall. With the sound of the door opening Benrey had turned to look, and when he saw Gordon he sat up on the bed, eyes wide.

“Benrey!” Gordon exclaimed, rushing over to him. He grabbed Benrey’s shoulders and lifted the alien to his feet, which was as far as the chain would let him go before going taut.

“gordon?” Benrey said in a small voice, blinking up at him uncertainly.

“I’m so glad I found you,” Gordon said as he wrapped his arms around the other, pulling Benrey into a quick hug. Benrey let out a choked sound as he pressed his face into Gordon’s chest.

Gordon broke the hug off quickly though, pushing a strand of Benrey’s hair out of his yellow eyes before he let go of the other and stepped back towards the door. “Hey asshole, you better have the key to that collar,” he snarled at the scientist, who was currently surrounded by the other bloodthirsty members of the science team.

“I- I- I- I don’t,” the scientist stammered out, looking around nervously.

“Then you will be taking my friends here to find it!” Gordon snapped, and nodded at Bubby and Coomer. The scientist flinched, then quickly lead the other two away, leaving just Tommy guarding the door. Gordon turned back around and stepped over to Benrey again.

“Did they hurt you?” he asked tenderly, placing is hands on Benrey’s upper arms.

Benrey nodded his head, shaking all over, ragged breaths coming from his mouth. He was now staring vacantly at the floor.

“It’s okay Benrey, I’m here, I’ve got you,” Gordon reassured while they waited.

The rest of the science team quickly returned with a device in hand and without the other scientist. Gordon could guess what had happened to him. Bubby tossed the device to Gordon, which was like a key fob. He pressed the button and the collar unlatched. He pulled it off Benrey and threw it away to the side.

As soon as he was free of the restraint collar, Benrey’s body started to violently shudder, causing Gordon to take a step back in surprise. Benrey’s limbs jerked, and then started to grow. Gordon watched on in horror as Benrey’s twitching form continued to expand and morph before him. His skin turned a darker grey and looked like it was hardening. His mouth became a massive gaping chasm full of rows and rows of razor teeth. Yellow eyes with no pupils sprung up all over his massive head. Several huge limbs ending in long sharp claws supported his monstrous form.

Some sort of tentacle like appendage sprung out of monster Benrey’s chest and headed straight towards Gordon.


	19. Excessive Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey puts into action a plan to keep Gordon safe and get his revenge

The tentacle wrapped itself tightly around Gordon’s body, pinning his arms to his sides. Gordon’s mind went suddenly white with panic, this situation being so similar to his reoccurring nightmares. He screamed as he tried to struggle against the grip but could barely even wiggle, only kick his legs as he was lifted off the floor towards the alien monstrosity.

Benrey pulled Gordon up towards his now massive form. The science team opened fire on the creature, and Gordon wasn’t even in the right frame of mind to worry about them accidentally hitting him. They somehow never seemed to anyway. All he knew is he wanted off this ride, now. Luckily the prehensile limb didn’t put Gordon anywhere near the enormous mouth, but instead held Gordon against Benrey’s body.

Gordon’s kicking was forcefully stopped when the tentacle started morphing again, growing to cover Gordon’s body completely. It was like it was trapping him in a cocoon against Benrey’s chest. The squishy flesh inside pressed against Gordon skin, but he couldn’t see how it hardened on the outside like the rest of the monster’s carapace.

Gordon had stopped screaming, and instead tried to comprehend his situation. He could barely move inside the meat cocoon; it was even hard to expand his lungs enough to breathe properly. He wanted to take deep breaths to calm down but could only suck in short shallow ones. The only opening was a bit above his head which let a little light and air in, otherwise he was covered from head to toe.

“B-benrey?” Gordon choked out, hoping the monster could hear him. “What are… you doing?”

“What are you doing to- to Mr Freeman, Benrey?” Gordon heard Tommy also call out over the top of the gunshots. Benrey simply roared in response, seemingly unaffected by the bullets bouncing off his exoskeleton.

Then Gordon suddenly felt motion, and the sound on massive claws scraping against metal. Gordon bounced slightly up and down in the cocoon as Benrey lurched out of the room and into the corridor, squeezing through the door, leaving the rest of the science team behind him.

“Ben-rey…” Gordon coughed as he struggled to breathe, voice so soft that the other probably couldn’t hear him over the sounds of his feet pounding against the metal floor. Gordon couldn’t expand his lungs far enough to yell. He realised now that Benrey was trying to protect him, but that wasn’t going to do much good if he died of suffocation. He tried to focus on getting as much oxygen as he could without hyperventilating.

-

Benrey had been lying on the bed with his arm draped over his eyes. The bright lighting of the room that was on at all hours of the day sometimes made his sensitive eyes water. The cold air made him feel so tired he could barely move. He had no idea how long he had been here so far, and he had no clue when he would next be used for experiments. He lived in constant dread and fear of more excruciating pain.

When the door slid open, he felt his heart seize. Had they just come to observe, or take him for most tests? Benrey allowed his arm to slide off his face and slowly turned his head to look over at the door. His eyes went wide when he saw Gordon panting in the doorway, staring at Benrey.

Emotions surged in Benrey’s chest as he struggled to sit up, Gordon quickly crossing the distance between them. Benrey couldn’t even get to his feet but allowed himself to be hoisted up by Gordon’s strong arms instead.

Benrey felt like he wanted to cry as Gordon had pulled him into a hug, choking back a sob as he buried his face in the other man’s chest. The feeling of Gordon’s warmth on his body filled him with such relief.

Benrey whimpered when Gordon moved away towards the door again to talk to the others. Benrey swayed on his feet a little, feeling the collar chain pulling him backwards. He was grateful when Gordon stepped back towards him and steadied him with his hands. But Benrey’s emotions were getting the better of him, sweet voice threatening to bubble out along with perhaps some tears.

Gordon had attempted a dangerous mission to rescue Benrey after all. This made Benrey feel many things. He was so overwhelmed with relief, but also worry. Gordon was in danger here, and Benrey couldn’t protect him while restrained. He was so happy to be rescued, but he needed to keep Gordon safe, or else it could all happen again. He felt on the edge of breaking down.

When the collar was removed, Benrey felt the pressure that held his powers in check disappear. He could do anything now, and two thoughts instantly filled his head. Firstly, protect Gordon, keep him safe from everything. And secondly, tear this whole place apart.

Benrey morphed himself quickly, and grabbed up Gordon, pressing him against his chest and forming a protective layer around him. He ignored Gordon’s screams, he didn’t have time to explain what he was doing, and this was for Gordon’s own good anyway. Now nothing would be able to hurt him, and Benrey could focus on his other objective.

Benrey fled from the room, leaving the science team behind him. Their bullets hadn’t even bothered him at all, he barely felt them as they bounced off his hard carapace. He started dashing down the metal corridors, looking for prey. He eventually came across some of the carnage left behind by the science team as they had fought through the facility to his room.

Benrey came to a halt and sniffed the corpses. Then he sniffed the air around him, trying to track the prey, before taking off down another corridor. He heard the pounding footsteps of the science team far behind him, and the pounding of his own heart in his chest.

Benrey quickly came across the first form of resistance. A squad of men had set up in formation in one of the corridors. When he looked over them their eyes widened in fear, as if they hadn’t been expecting to face a monster here. They opened fire anyway, which was ineffective, as Benrey ripped through them all with ease.

The next squad he came across did much the same, but these ones seemed a bit more ready for him, using armour piercing rounds instead. Benrey had to add more layers to his shell, but he still overcame them without difficulty. The third lot Benrey found in a large hanger room, many more than the previous groups and they started throwing grenades and shooting rockets at him. That was a bit annoying. Benrey roared with anger and grew massive to fill the room and crush them into paste.

-

Gordon could hear lots of shouting, gunfire, screams, and the crunch of crushed flesh and bones from his Benrey protection cocoon. He found it hopeless to try and free himself, he was being held very tightly in place. It was kind of sweet that Benrey wanted to protect him this badly, but Gordon was starting to feel a bit lightheaded from the lack of proper air intake. Gordon tried to make himself relax, as panic would only consume more oxygen. It was a good thing he didn’t have claustrophobia, because this was even worse than crawling through all the tight vents of Black Mesa.

After another round of fighting, this time explosions echoing around what sounded like a large room rather than the corridors, Benrey seemed to stop for a moment, his chest heaving with massive pants. Gordon quickly tried to think of what he could do to get Benrey’s attention, as the creature couldn’t seem to hear him softly calling. He decided to try pinching the flesh of the cocoon, as that was about as much movement as he could muster.

Benrey must have leaned his massive head down near his chest after Gordon had pinched, because Gordon could hear the deep rumbling voice quite close. “what is it gordon?”

“Benrey… I can’t… breathe…” Gordon gasped out as loud as he could, feeling his chest tighten as he let out what little air he had in his lungs.

“oh, sorry” Benrey said, and then Gordon felt the cocoon around him loosen a little. Gordon started gulping down huge amounts of air to make up for the last fifteen or so minutes of barely breathing.

“Thank you,” Gordon finally managed to croak out, though he still felt like he might pass out. Now that he wasn’t having the life squeezed out of him, he found the cocoon to be rather comfortable. But he still didn’t want to stay in there.

“Benrey, could you maybe let me out?” he quickly asked before the monster went back to his rampage through the facility, as Benrey’s muscles were tensing like he was about to take off again

The creature paused. “why though? you’re safe from harm in there,” Benrey murmured.

“Yeah but, I can take care of myself you know,” Gordon sighed, trying to wriggle around to stretch out his cramped limbs a bit. “You can’t keep me in here forever.”

“yes i can,” Benrey said plainly. Those three words filled Gordon with some weird form of alarm and dread. Yes, technically Benrey could keep him in the cocoon indefinitely and Gordon would be powerless to stop him; what a horrifying possibility.

“That, ah, wouldn’t be very cool of you Benrey, keeping me in here against my will,” Gordon said nervously, trying to stay calm. “Why don’t you let me out, turn back to normal and we can talk about it?”

Gordon felt Benrey shift, and then heard a thud as the creature sat down and sighed. “but then they could take you again and make me go back. i gotta… i gotta protect you,” Benrey said dejectedly.

“I appreciate that Benrey, but I don’t want to be trapped forever in your weird flesh sack, no offense,” Gordon hazarded. “Please, I’m begging you, let me out.”

Suddenly the walls around Gordon loosened, and he was lowered away from Benrey’s chest and to the metal floor. Benrey set him down on his feet on the ground, then pressed his massive head down against Gordon’s comparatively tiny body. Gordon inhaled sharply, then leaded forward to wrap his arms around the monster’s huge snout as much as he could, trying not to lean on any of the excess eyes.

Benrey started shrinking, until the normal sized grey alien was pressed against Gordon’s body, his head resting against Gordon’s collarbone. Gordon had his arms wrapped around Benrey’s body and he rested his chin on Benrey’s soft dark hair.

“I know you’re afraid Benrey, but everything is going to be ok,” Gordon reassured as he pulled back slightly from Benrey to look down at him. Gordon gently brushed some hair away from Benrey’s face, noticing a few extra eyes that were still disappearing from his forehead. “We can get out of here together.”

“you can’t promise that you’ll be ok though,” Benrey muttered, looking down at the floor. “you’re very… fragile.”

“Why don’t you keep me safe by just staying near me Benrey?” Gordon suggested, ruffling Benrey’s hair with his hand in a friendly manner, smiling down at him. Benrey’s eyes widened, and a blue blush crept across his grey cheeks. Gordon’s heart skipped a beat, and he felt the blood rush to his own face as well. He let his hand run down the side of Benrey’s face to then cup Benrey’s chin, lifting his face upwards. Benrey stared up at Gordon in surprise, blush deepening.

Gordon didn’t realise he was holding his breath again until his lungs started aching quickly, still recovering from his almost suffocation. His thoughts ground to a halt as he slowly exhaled as he stared at Benrey’s lips. Instinct took over as he leaned forward.

-

Benrey had reluctantly placed Gordon down on the floor as gently as he could. He didn’t want to break contact with him though, so he leaned down to press his face against Gordon’s warm body. Benrey took deep breaths as he shape-shifted again, shrinking back down to his normal size and pushing his whole body against Gordon’s chest.

Benrey was starting to feel slightly panicked again. Gordon was out in the open again now, exposed to danger. Benrey had to fight the urge to wrap his whole body around Gordon and absorb him again. He was still struggling to get some of his extra parts under control.

Gordon ruffling Benrey’s hair like he had a few times before made Benrey’s heart flutter with affection. Then Gordon was forcing Benrey too look up at him, his bright green eyes staring intensely into Benrey’s own. Then to Benrey’s shock, Gordon was leaning in towards him.

Gordon’s lips were soft against Benrey’s, while his beard was rough and scratchy against his skin. Gordon had closed his eyes as their lips had met, but Benrey’s were still wide open, his whole body going stiff. When Gordon wrapped his arms around Benrey’s shoulders the tension in his muscles slowly melted away. Benrey let his own eyes flutter closed and started kissing back, savouring Gordon’s taste in his mouth.

“Hey, knock it off you two, this is hardly the time or place for making out,” Bubby’s voice echoing in the room startled Benrey, his body going rigid again. It caused Gordon to break away from the kiss, much to Benrey’s displeasure.

“I- I- we-” Gordon stuttered then put a hand over his own mouth, ducking his head as his cheeks burned red.

“Gordon, you’ll just have to kiss Benrey after the mission!” Dr Coomer piped in helpfully.

“Aw guys but it was- it was so sweet,” Tommy chimed in with a grin.

“Shut up shut up shut up!” Gordon hissed in annoyance, while Benrey wrapped his hands around Gordon’s arm to cling to him.

“If we are done here can we go already?” Bubby complained, rolling his eyes.

“I don’t know… what if they come after us again?” Gordon said after he had settled down, gesturing with his free hand. “Am I supposed to live in fear of kidnapping my whole life or have Benrey hanging off me every moment of every day?” he motioned towards the clinging alien. Benrey liked that idea though, he never wanted to let Gordon go again.

“But Gordon, what can we do apart from taking out the entire united states military?” Coomer asked with apprehension.

“i know what i’m going to do,” Benrey hissed. “i’m gonna take out that suited bastard.”

“Woah, wait Benrey, please don’t kill my dad,” Tommy tried to placate, frowning. “I know- I know he can be a bit of… a not great guy som-sometimes, but he’s still- he’s still my dad. I would be sad if you- if you killed him.”

“well, then tell him to leave me alone dude,” Benrey said with a huff.

“Perhaps we should try and find Tommy’s father and have a word with him,” Gordon agreed, though in his mind a punch to the nose should accompany that chat.

“And take out the rest of this awful place while we are at it!” Coomer added, and they all nodded in agreement.


	20. Unanticipated Casualty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The science team confront the G-Man

Once the team caught their breath for a few minutes, they took off into the facility again, following Benrey’s nose. Benrey stayed his normal size but wouldn’t leave Gordon’s side, even though he could probably run ahead and take out any resistance solo, he didn’t want to risk Gordon being snatched up while he wasn’t there. If only Gordon had stayed in his cocoon, then Benrey wouldn’t have to worry.

The science team went back to blasting their way through their enemies, though there didn’t seem to be much strategic mobilized resistance now, just whoever was left over. They may have already wasted most of their men in their major bid to stop Benrey and were waiting on reinforcements. The science team also indiscriminately killed any scientists or other workers they came across, just like in Black Mesa.

“uh… feetman… that gay kiss…” Benrey said quietly as he ran alongside Gordon, the two of them trailing behind the rest of the team who were enthusiastically taking point down a long corridor.

Gordon glanced at Benrey in surprise, then looked away again, blushing. “Why do you have to call it a gay kiss dude? It was just a kiss!”

“was it uh… for real?” Benrey asked patently. “like… no take backsies this time? not clickbait?”

“No, I uh, really meant it,” Gordon mumbled with embarrassment.

“ha… gayyyyy,” Benrey sang out some sweet voice happily. Internally he was having difficulty processing it. Gordon actually liked him back, for real?

Gordon sniggered. “Yeah, I know you are, but what am I?”

“big gayyyy~” Benrey hummed with a smile.

Gordon wheezed out a laugh at that, which filled Benrey’s heart with warmth.

“Hey, don’t fall behind you two,” Bubby snapped from the end of the hallway. Gordon picked up the pace to catch up, Benrey sticking by him.

Benrey’s heart felt warm. Once they finished this and escaped, would that mean more kisses from feetman? And cuddles, and holding, and touching of Benrey’s hair? For the rest of their lives? Did Gordon love him? Benrey had spent so long now loving Gordon and thinking the feeling would never be reciprocated, so it seemed unreal that it could be the case.

Benrey was struggling to keep himself grounded in the present as they fought their way through the facility. G-Man’s scent was difficult to track, it seemed to be everywhere and nowhere. Who even knew if he was even in the facility at the moment? Though he may have shown up once the alarm had sounded to try and get Benrey under control again. Benrey wasn’t about the let that happen again. He was fighting for his happy ending, the one he had made together with Gordon.

They finally entered an area of the facility that seemed to be full of hallways of staff offices. Benrey pointed them to the one at the end of a hall that’s door was open. They hurried down towards it and surrounded the door, catching their breath and preparing to enter.

Tommy led the group inside the office. It was a large one, probably belonging to some sort of commanding officer. The G-Man stood in the middle of the room stoically, watching the group gather in front of him with a neutral expression.

Benrey could feel the weird energy in the room just before the G-Man stopped time. It didn’t affect Benrey, but all his friends were frozen in place, including Gordon.

“Well well Benrey, you have caused me quite the inconvenience here,” the suited man began. “Why don’t you just allow me to have someone escort you back to your room, so that your friends can remain… alive.”

“no bro, I don’t wanna be your lame ass science fair project anymore, let my friends go,” Benrey said, holding back a growl, trying to plan how he could incapacitate the man without killing him and making Tommy sad.

“Oh Benrey, you and you friends won’t be going anywhere,” G-Man said with a smile. “We will be keeping them here as well, especially Dr Freeman. Can’t risk another foolish rescue attempt.”

Out of nowhere Benrey was knocked to the ground as someone jumped him, he hadn’t noticed their approach as he had been distracted by the G-Man. They had snapped the restraint collar around his neck faster than he could react, and suddenly without his powers, he could now only fight back with kicks and scratches. They dragged him to his feet as he continued to struggle.

“Looks like we have to do things the tricky way, as always,” the suited man stated with frustration. “I’m a bit disappointed, I thought you would know better than to fight this by now.”

Benrey turned his head and quickly sank his long sharp teeth into the arm of the man holding him, causing the guy to screech in pain and let go of Benrey. Benrey quickly sprinting headfirst at the G-Man, who’s face turned to astonishment as Benrey leapt through the air at him like a wild animal. Benrey collided with the suited mans chest, knocking him backwards and off his feet with full force. As they tumbled to the ground, Benrey felt time resume, possibly because of G-Man being unable to maintain concentration.

Benrey was straddling G-Man’s body and had his hands around the others neck and was squeezing, his claw-like fingernails digging into pale skin and drawing blood. The other man tried to push Benrey away but couldn’t get any leverage from his position. Benrey could hear the now free science team exclaiming behind him and moving towards him.

Suddenly Benrey felt a sharp pain in his chest, causing him to freeze in place. He blinked in confusion, then looked down at his chest. A knife was buried in his chest at an angle which allowed it to pass between ribs, straight into his heart. Blue blood started bubbling around the hilt.

“oh shit,” Benrey said, letting go of G-Man’s neck. He stared wide eyed down at the knife, a gurgling sound coming from his throat. G-Man pushed Benrey, and the alien fell off to the side, hitting the floor. He gasped for air.

“BENREY!” Gordon screamed, the last thing Benrey heard before everything faded.

-

When the G-Man had frozen time, Gordon found that he couldn’t move but he had been left aware of what was going on around him. He listened to the argument between G-Man and Benrey, the only one of their group who was immune to the time-stop. Gordon watched in horror as Benrey was jumped from behind and restrained again. Gordon was willing every muscle in his body to move, so he could help Benrey, but it was as useless as trying to escape from the cocoon.

When Benrey had recklessly broken free and jumped G-Man, Gordon felt panic. Benrey was without his powers while the collar was on, was he going to be strong enough to take out the mysteriously powerful man? Gordon felt himself being released from the time hold, finally able to move again. He started shouting out towards Benrey, rushing over towards him.

But before he could reach the struggling pair, he saw Benrey’s body go stiff, and then G-Man push him off and onto the floor. Then Gordon saw the knife in Benrey’s chest, blue blood pouring out around it and onto the floor beneath him. Gordon screamed out Benrey’s name as he ran over to his prone form, as Benrey gasped and his eyes fluttered closed.

Gordon slid to his knees on the floor next to Benrey, grabbing the others body and pulling him up to cradle against his chest.

“Benrey, Benrey, no, no, god damn it,” Gordon muttered as he pressed his fingers against Benrey’s neck, feeling the weak pulse disappear. Gordon felt tears fill his eyes as he chocked out a sob. “Fucking hell Benrey, why did you have to be so reckless. You better fucking respawn or I’ll…” he broke off the sentence. Or he’d what? Live the rest of his life without him? No, that couldn’t happen, that wasn’t fair. He’d just saved Benrey, and realized he loved him, he couldn’t leave him now.

Would the power restraining collar prevent Benrey from respawning? Gordon didn’t have anyway to get it off his neck at the moment. Gordon looked up to see the G-Man getting to his feet, brushing his suit off. Gordon saw red.

“You bastard!” Gordon snarled with rage as he went to get up. But before he could, Dr Coomer darted past Gordon towards the suited man. Coomer’s bionic fist connected straight with G-Man’s cheek. The impact sent G-Man flying backward across the room and slammed into a wall with a sickening crunch. He slid down the wall until he was slumped on the floor.

“Way to go Dr Coomer!” Bubby cheered from behind. Coomer turned and smiled at his friends with pride. Bubby ran over to join Coomer, and Tommy hurried over to his dad.

Gordon took a deep breath and let it out, blinking the tears out of his eyes. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against the forehead of Benrey’s corpse, before laying him back down on the floor. Gordon got to his feet and walked over towards the others.

Gordon clapped a hand on Coomer’s shoulder and smiled at him gratefully. Coomer returned the smile earnestly. Bubby was busy already reliving the moment with pantomime, punching the air, and whooping with victory, and Coomer laughed at him. Gordon moved past them, over to Tommy and his dad.

Tommy was knelt next to his dad, talking to him while G-Man rubbed the back of his own head with one hand. Gordon approached and crouched down in front of the suited man, who turned his head to look up at Gordon, wincing with pain.

“The only reason I’m going to let you live in because your Tommy’s dad,” Gordon hissed at the man, scowling down at him. “But if you ever try to pull something like this again, there will be no mercy. And if Benrey doesn’t respawn, I am going to hunt you down for sport. Now give me the device to unlock the collar.” Gordon held out his hand, waiting.

“You lot really are more trouble than you are worth,” G-Man coughed, fishing the device out of his pocket. “I’ll tell them the specimen unfortunately perished for good. We got plenty of samples and data from him anyway. If he comes back, you better keep him hidden.”

Gordon snatched the device from G-Man’s hand and got to his feet again. He went back over to Benrey’s body, which Bubby and Coomer were looking down upon. Gordon intervened before Coomer could start punching it or something. He unlocked the collar and removed it from Benrey’s neck, hoping against hope that would be enough. There was no point in taking the body with them though, Gordon knew Benrey got a new one whenever he respawned. Best to leave it behind them along with the rest of this mess.

“Can we go home now?” Bubby asked apprehensively, looking over at Tommy as he approached the rest of the group. Tommy glanced down at Benrey’s body, then quickly looked away sadly, but nodded in answer.

Tommy used his device to open a portal on the wall, which Gordon briskly marched through, his mouth set in a firm line, still scowling. He was instantly transported back to Coomer’s house. Once standing in Coomer’s living room, Gordon fell onto one of the couches, burying his head in his hands. He heard the others arrive through the portal as he struggled to maintain his composure.

Hurry up and respawn Benrey. Even if its just as a skeleton, at least let me know you’re okay. Please don’t leave me alone.

-

It had been several days since the science team had raided area 51, and Benrey still hadn’t reappeared. Gordon wondered what was taking him so long. Benrey had set Gordon as his spawn point right? So, when he came back, he should just appear in the apartment, like he had that night several months ago.

But the days dragged on, and Benrey didn’t appear. Gordon remembered back to after Benrey’s defeat on Xen, and how it had only taken him a few days to respawn into Gordon’s lounge room. He should be back by now; he’d had plenty of time to reform. Gordon was devolving into an anxious, hand-wringing mess. He laid awake at night yearning for Benrey to be beside him, so he could run his human hand through the alien’s soft hair.

Tommy kept trying to reassure Gordon over phone calls, telling him to just be patient. Eventually Gordon had to resign himself to the fact that worrying wasn’t going to help him, he just had to get on with things for now and wait for Benrey to return.

But of course, the thought kept niggling in the back of his mind. What if Benrey’s respawn really had stopped working and hadn’t come back? What if he really was dead forever? If that was the case, Gordon wished he had brought Benrey’s body back with them, so he could give him a proper burial. He hated that thought though, that was giving in to the idea that Benrey was never coming back.

Gordon had to pack up the apartment himself, not that he had much to pack. He labelled a box ‘Benrey’ and put all the alien’s things in there. He cursed Benrey for not being here to help him, after all, being pissed off at Benrey inconveniencing him like this was better than dwelling on the other emotions and possibilities. Perhaps Benrey was taking his time so he didn’t have to help with the move, typical.

The drive to Massachusetts was lonely. Gordon had been excited to move into the new place with Benrey, wanted to see the looks on the alien’s face when they got to see the house in person for the first time, getting to explore it together. But there was none of that magical feeling of new beginnings for Gordon at the moment, he just spent time setting up the place and unpacking boxes. Except for one.

Some joy returned to him when he got to see his son in person again. He could spend a day almost not thinking about Benrey, finally giving Joshua his Christmas presents, and playing endlessly with the 4-year-old while chatting away idly to Sarah. Warmth filled Gordon’s heart for the first time in many weeks. They made plans for Gordon to spend more time with Joshua in the future, and he was already planning outings in his head.

But at the end of the day Gordon had to return to his house alone. Back to his usual life alone, like the one before Benrey. He went through the motions, watching TV, cooking food, showering, but he felt empty doing it all. It wasn’t even the same now as the anxious week he had spent waiting to find out where Benrey was before rescuing him. Because now the real possibility hung over Gordon’s head that he would never see Benrey again.

Please come back. I promise I’ll never hurt you again. I don’t want to live without you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I did this to you
> 
> I know I said Benrey is a half human but I call him and alien sometimes anway.  
> Woohoo 50k words, by far the longest thing I have ever written, and its about these idiots no less.


	21. Auspicious Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy end

Gordon was woken by the feeling of movement in the bed beside him. His eyes flew open, and he turned to see a blurry mess of black hair bury itself in the other pillow. It was dark, and Gordon didn’t have his glasses on, so he couldn’t exactly make out what it was, but he had a guess rising in this throat.

“Benrey?” he asked in surprise, rolling onto his side, and reaching out to touch the lump in the bed beside him. He felt cold skin under his fingers.

“mmhmm,” the other grunted in response, wriggling closer to Gordon in the bed.

“Is it really you? Am I dreaming?” Gordon asked in disbelief, reaching out to push some hair out of a yellow glowing eye.

“don’t you recognise me feetman?” Benrey murmured. “that’s cold.”

“What, of course I do!” Gordon retorted, wrapping his arm around Benrey to pull him closer. “I just… you’re actually alive…” Gordon felt emotions threatening to overwhelm him as he held Benrey.

Benrey cuddled up against Gordon’s chest, letting out a relieved sigh. His body was so cold, but Gordon didn’t care. He’d finally come back, after Gordon had nearly accepted the possibility of his perma-death.

“I’m so glad you came back… why did you take so long?” Gordon mumbled as he buried his face in Benrey’s hair.

“i got a bit… uh… lost,” Benrey said. “like it wasn’t workin’ properly man.”

“You had me really worried there for a while. I thought you…” Gordon trailed, off, rubbing circles into Benrey’s back.

“whuh?” Benrey asked.

“That you were gone forever or something,” Gordon finished with a sigh. “Like, properly dead.”

“nah, i couldn’t leave you alone like that. gotta protect you, feetman,” Benrey said with a yawn. “but, uh, sorry for makin’ you worry,” he added.

“No no, it’s not your fault,” Gordon hushed as he held Benrey tighter. “I’m just so relieved you’re alright.”

“i guess you guys defeated tommy’s dad?” Benrey asked softly.

“Yeah, Coomer punched him into next Wednesday after he stabbed you,” Gordon explained, now playing gently with Benrey’s hair. “You should have seen the look on his face,” Gordon chuckled a little bit.

“yeah well sorry, i was too busy dyin’,” Benrey said light-heartedly.

“That’s another reason I’m glad your back. I told G-Man if you didn’t come back, I’d hunt him down for sport,” Gordon mused.

Benrey barked out an unexpected laugh into Gordon’s chest. Gordon smiled and closed his eyes, savouring the cool feeling of the others body against his. Gordon planted a gentle kiss on Benrey’s head, which sent shivers through the other.

“No more dying, okay?” Gordon murmured into Benrey’s hair.

“feetman… cares about Benrey?” Benrey asked sheepishly.

“Of course I do,” Gordon said indignantly, rubbing his face into Benrey’s hair. The rumbling sound came from Benrey’s chest again.

“Are you purring?” Gordon asked with mirth.

“uh, no, nuh-uh, no way, that wouldn’t be very poggers,” Benrey said defensively, but the sound didn’t stop. Gordon felt Benrey swallow hard a few times, but the purring still wouldn’t cease.

“Well I think it’s much poggers,” Gordon retorted, squeezing Benrey’s shoulder.

“ok boomer.”

“Benrey, we are the same fucking age!” Gordon said with exasperation.

“oh yeah,” Benrey mused, as if he had actually forgotten how old Gordon was. He snuggled deeper into Gordon’s chest, his purring vibrating into Gordon’s body. Gordon felt suddenly more relaxed than he had in a long time.

-

Gordon awoke the next morning feeling rather strange. He could feel Benrey’s body against him, he could feel Benrey touching him. Actually, he could feel a lot of Benrey touching him, a weird amount of Benrey touching him. He tried to reach his arm out of the bed to grab his glasses so he could perceive the world around him properly, but he found he couldn’t move it. It was like there was many limbs wrapped around his body all at once, locking him in place.

“Uh, Benrey?” Gordon said softly, trying to wiggle out. He could hear the alien breathing steadily beside him. “Ben-rey~” he chimed, trying to gently wake the other.

Benrey let out a sleepy ‘whuh’ as he blinked open his yellow eyes, turning them to look at Gordon’s face.

“Can I have my arm back?” Gordon implored. He felt the pressure slide off his arm as Benrey closed his eyes again wordlessly, settling his head back into the pillow.

Gordon reached over to the bedside table and fumbled to grab his glasses. Putting them on his could now properly assess his situation.

His torso was wrapped up in a myriad of tentacle appendages that were sprouting out of Benrey’s body. Gordon let out a nervous chuckle at the sight.

“Benrey, what are you doing to me?” he asked tentatively, gently trying to push some of the appendages off his body.

“whuh? oh, just keeping you safe bro,” Benrey said drowsily. “you know, best friend things.”

“Benrey, I am pretty sure no other human in the world has to deal with this sort of thing from their best friend,” Gordon pointed out as he wriggled against the bonds.

“yeah well, sucks to be them.”

“Benrey, can you let me go please?” Gordon asked directly, losing his patience with the alien not taking the hint.

“but you’re waaaaarrrmmm,” Benrey whined, pressing his face into Gordon’s shoulder, and tightening his grip.

“Remember what I said about holding me against my will Benrey?” Gordon said firmly. It was a little bit scary, the amount of control Benrey could have over a simple human like Gordon if he wanted to. But luckily, he seemed to mostly respect Gordon’s wishes.

“fiiiiine,” Benrey groaned, withdrawing the appendages back into his body.

Gordon sighed with relief, and sat up in the bed, stretching out his cramped arms and legs and yawning. Benrey, now back to his normal form, also stretched out his limbs in the bed, though kept his eyes closed.

“Come on, it’s time to get up sleepy,” Gordon said, leaning down to place a kiss on Benrey’s forehead before he hopped out of the bed and attached his prosthetic.

“BBBBBBBBB, but i’m so cosy,” Benrey moaned, curling back up into a ball under the covers.

“I’ll make you breakfast,” Gordon offered as he got dressed. “Besides, I have to show you around the new place.”

Benrey’s eyes popped open. “oh, i had wondered why you moved the bedroom,” he said. As he crawled out of bed Gordon could see he was still dressed in the light cotton clothing he had been rescued in. “where’s my stuff?”

“In the spare room, in a box with your name on it,” Gordon said as he left to go to the bathroom.

“aw man, they got my favourite hoodie when they took me,” Gordon could hear Benrey grumbling from the other room.

They met again in the kitchen, Benrey now dressed in his second favourite hoodie. Gordon asked Benrey what he wanted for breakfast as he tied his long curls up in a ponytail.

“benrey gets to choose?” Benrey asked in awe. Gordon chuckled and nodded. “benrey wants meat.”

“Ha, ok, bacon it is then,” Gordon said, and started the cooking process.

Benrey sat at the table and was slapping out a tune on its wooden surface, letting out bubbles of sweet voice to accompany his percussion. Gordon couldn’t stop grinning every time he glanced over, and his heart felt so light.

“so, where’s the mini feetman?” Benrey asked as Gordon brought over the breakfast.

“I only just moved in last week Benrey, plus, it’s not like he’s moving in with us,” Gordon explained, taking a seat.

Benrey started tearing into his breakfast with gusto, just like the first time they had breakfast together, except this time he used the utensils straight away. “Wow, you sure are hungry,” Gordon commented.

“regenerating really takes it out of you,” Benrey said between mouthfuls. “needa refuel.”

Gordon nodded in understanding, taking his own breakfast as a more reasonable pace while he watched the other.

“what chu lookin at?” Benrey asked with suspicion, raising an eyebrow at Gordon.

“You,” Gordon admitted. “Worried that you might suddenly disappear again.”

Benrey smiled with embarrassment. “gordon softman,” he muttered into his plate.

“You got me there,” Gordon admitted with a wink. “Can’t I enjoy the fact you are back, or do you want me to go back to hating you?”

“you promised no more gordon meanman,” Benrey whined.

“I’m only joking Benrey,” Gordon reassured. “Maybe we can make this a day to celebrate you being back? You choose what we do for the day?”

“benrey gets to choose?” Benrey asked in surprise again. Gordon nodded with a smile. “gamestop and mcdonalds!” Benrey cheered.

“I should have known,” Gordon chuckled. “We can go out after I show you around our new home.”

-

There was a knock at the door, and Gordon eagerly sprang off the sofa to answer it. As soon as he opened it, he crouched down to scoop Joshua up into his arms. Benrey slowly approached him from behind as he lifted the child, Gordon saying “Hey there little man!”.

“Thank you for taking him for the day Gordon, it’s nice to now have a someone trustworthy, who’s got a free schedule, to take care of him when I need to go out,” the woman standing in the doorway said to Gordon as he held Joshua on his hip.

“It’s no problem at all Sarah, I moved here after all to spend more time with him, I’m very glad you are letting him come to visit,” Gordon said with delight. Benrey hovered behind Gordon to the side, peering around him at the woman. He was wearing his human skin so that it didn’t matter if he was seen by other humans.

“Oh, and who’s this Gordon?” Sarah asked, spotting Benrey. Benrey shuffled nervously, looking away.

“Oh, that’s right. Sarah, this is my boyfriend; Ben,” Gordon announced casually.

B-b-b-boyfriend??? Benrey felt a flush quickly creep up his cheeks. Stupid feetman springing that on him suddenly, making in feel embarrassed. “hi,” was all he managed to croak out.

“Aw, Gordon you hadn’t mentioned that you were seeing someone. I’m happy for you,” Sarah said delightedly. Then she quickly glanced at her phone. “Welp, I better get going, I’ll be back to pick him up at four. Call me if there are any issues.” And with that she smiled and waved at them, Gordon and Joshua smiling and waving too.

“Where’s the funny monster daddy?” Joshua asked as Gordon shut the door and the three of them moved back inside the house. Joshua then peered at Benrey suspiciously, with faint recognition. Benrey raised his eyebrows as he looked at the kid. The boy really did look a lot like a mini version of Gordon, with light brown skin, brown curls and green eyes.

“There’s no monsters here Joshie, just friends,” Gordon soothed, placing the child down on the floor. Joshua looked up at Gordon in confusion, and then peered back up at Benrey again.

“could a monster do this?” Benrey asked, and then stuck his tongue out at the child. Joshua giggled.

“Would you like a snack bud?” Gordon asked Joshua, changing the subject. Joshua nodded enthusiastically.

“Benrey, why don’t you show Joshua around the house while I organise some snacks?” Gordon’s question startled Benrey. Gordon would leave Benrey alone with a human child? Gordon trusted Benrey?

Benrey reached out a hand towards Joshua, who only seemed slightly intimidated. “come on little buddy, i’ll show you where i beat your dad’s ass at video games.”

“Language Benrey!” Gordon admonished, but with a smile.

Joshua hesitated for a moment, before placing his hand in Benrey’s and smiling up at him. Benrey led the child off to the lounge room while Gordon went into the kitchen.

After Benrey showed Joshua his ‘gamer den’ (the lounge room) and the bedrooms, cracking jokes all the while which made the boy giggle, they went back to the kitchen diner to get the snacks off Gordon.

Since Gordon didn’t have any toys for Joshua to play with yet, he sat them all down in front of the TV for some cartoons while they ate the snacks. Afterwards, Benrey asked if he could show Joshua the treehouse while Gordon washed up, and Gordon agreed.

Benrey led Joshua out into the backyard to the treehouse. It wasn’t very high up the tree, and had a staircase up, safer for children than a ladder. There was a sign on the door that said ‘benrey’s nest, no gordo’s allowed’.

Inside he had covered most of the floor in piles of blankets and pillows. Scattered throughout was bits and pieces like cans of soda, bags of chips, his PS Vita, a pair of headphones, some stay pieces of clothing. Benrey invited Joshua to sit down with him in the blanket nest.

“You know, you don’t have to hide it from me,” Joshua said so seriously that it caught Benrey off guard.

“whuh?” Benrey asked back in confusion.

“Your teeth,” said Joshua, pointing to his own mouth. “And your eyes.”

“what do you mean little buddy?” Benrey asked tensely.

“I saw you before in the video with my dad. You looked different then,” Joshua pressed earnestly.

“oh, recognise me, do you?” Benrey gave in with a smile.

Joshua nodded. “It’s okay, you can show me what you really look like, I won’t be scared,” the small boy reassured.

Benrey looked around nervously, then back at the kid. “ok, but you gotta promise not to tell your dad alright? I don’t think he wants you seeing,” Benrey said with a finger pressed against his lips.

Joshua nodded seriously, and Benrey took a breath and dropped his human disguise. Then he smiled down at Joshua with his massive pointed teeth.

“Are you really a monster?” Joshua asked, reaching up to poke Benrey’s teeth to the alien’s surprise. Benrey let him, keeping his lips parted in a grin.

“maybe,” he said once the boy pulled away, shrugging.

“But you’re a good monster, right?” Joshua continued, staring into Benrey’s yellow eyes.

“I’m the best monster ever,” Benrey proclaimed proudly, puffing up his chest, before bursting out with laughter. Joshua broke into giggles as well.

“So, you are friends with my dad?” the boy asked.

“me and gordo are best friend forever,” Benrey said with a smile.

“I don’t think my dad would be friends with a bad monster, so you must be alright,” Joshua concluded happily. This made Benrey feel happy too.

-

Sarah had just left after coming to collect Joshua, who had been excitedly telling her about his stay at his dad’s while they walked to her car. Once Gordon had shut the door after waving goodbye, he turned around to see Benrey dropping his human disguise.

“Thanks for being so good with Joshua today Benrey, he seems to really like you,” Gordon said with an appreciative smile.

“little feetman is alright. sorry for calling him a bit shit before,” Benrey said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head.

They made their way back to the lounge room to sit on the couch together, turning the TV back on.

“so, boyfriends?” Benrey asked casually, obviously referring to what Gordon had told Sarah.

“Oh, yeah well, it seemed to make sense. I mean, aren’t we? Do you want to be?” Gordon asked clumsily.

“does that mean you really have the big gay feelings for me bro?” Benrey asked with a shit eating grin.

Gordon groaned dramatically, and then slid across the couch closer to Benrey, reaching out to take the alien’s hands in his own. This seemed to shut Benrey up quickly, the alien now looking a bit embarrassed.

“Benrey, it’s taken me a while, and some mistakes and trouble, to realise this, but…” Gordon trailed off for a moment, glancing away but then locking his eyes onto Benrey’s. “I think I might be in love with you.”

“w-whuh?” Benrey said in shock, searching Gordon’s face for sincerity. “gordon freeman loves benrey? 100% enemies to lovers speedrun glitchless not clickbait?”

“Do you have to put it like that Benrey?” Gordon sighed with annoyance. “Yes, you dork, for real. I love your stupid ass.”

Benrey’s eyes widened and gleamed with amazement before he freed his hands from Gordon’s and reached up to pull Gordon’s head down so he could kiss him.

-

Orange angel

Soulmate light

Warm me through

This long cold night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read this, I hope you enjoyed.  
> Special thanks to everyone who left feedback to fuel my writing spree, I wouldn't have done it without you.
> 
> (I had to end it here because I ran out of ideas, but I hope it is a satisfactory enough ending)


End file.
